[kernelkink]

I've been posting these on the ASN board, but I thought you all might enjoy also. The story should be finished before too long, in the meantime let me know what you think!
Sheriff Stephanie Morales jumped out of her car and began taking in the situation. Gentle Elms Mental Hospital had an escaped patient, who had somehow gotten a hold of a knife and taken several doctors and nurses hostage. As soon as she heard, Stephanie had hopped in her cruiser and sped off the hospital. With her training and experience, this kind of thing would be hazardous, but not a problem. As long as she had a good, trustworthy SWAT team, they'd be in and out minus no doctors, no nurses.

The problem was, Stephanie had no trustworthy SWAT team. She didn't have trustworthy cops, period. She'd recently transferred from Los Angeles to Lakewood, Kentucky, in hopes of a safer and less stressful lifestyle. She got it, alright. Lakewood was a special kind of bumfuck nowhere, with a police department of 5 and records still kept on Rolodexes and onionskin. Stephanie never thought she'd miss LA, but when your town's best nightspot is a combination bowling alley/bingo hall, life moves pretty slow.

More importantly, her hostage situation was a complete powder keg thanks to her extremely naïve colleagues. Her best man was Robert Briggs, a young guy with a GED who sometimes approached the level of “almost competent”. He was standing near the door to the hospital, radio in hand. Billy McLaughlin and Ray Stevens were a couple of buffoon slackers, currently cowering in fear behind their cruiser despite no guns being involved. It was a good thing, too, in more ways than one. Stephanie was thinking about her... biological problem with bulletproof vests. As in, they fit poorly over her giant rack. Stephanie hated the hot-blooded Latina stereotype, but she had to admit she fit it physically with nature granting her some mighty FF cups and a hefty butt to match.

Apart from the three guys and Stephanie, there was poor, poor Amy Bower...but Stephanie couldn't think about Amy (or her own boobs) right now. She had a hostage crisis, and while her team were good people, they were about as capable as a baby holding a shotgun. Stephanie ran over to Robert and asked, “Is he ready to negotiate?”. Robert wobbled his head back and forth.

“I guess so, Captain. Pardon me for bein' a little unprofessional, but he's a complete shit-for-brains wacko. I dunno if we're gonna be able to keep him happy,” Robert replied.

“Well, we only have to stall for an hour or so. I called Lexington on the way over, they're sending a SWAT team out. In the meantime, I'm going in, but I'll need someone to have my back.”

Robert slapped his badge proudly. “I'm your guy.”

For a second, Stephanie felt just a little proud of the loyalty she'd inspired. “Thanks, but no thanks, Briggs. I need someone capable taking care of things on the outside. I'll have to take Abbott and Costello over there.” Stephanie pointed toward Billy and Ray, or at least their white eyes popping over the hood of the cruiser. As soon as she did, they yelped and dived back down. Stephanie winced. She couldn't pry them into the hospital with a crowbar.

“Alright, well, it'll have to be Amy then,” Stephanie sighed, scanning the area for the teenager. “Where is she anyway?”

“I think she's where you left her,” Robert said sheepishly. He nodded toward Stephanie's cruiser, which had an open passenger door. Stephanie sighed ever louder as she walked over. Amy was leaning out of the door, holding her hat in her hand, dry heaving.

“Amy? Amy, I know you're nervous, sweetheart, but I need you in there with me,” Stephanie pleaded. Amy's eyes shot up, their shiny blue surface contrasting with her milky pale face and golden blonde hair.

“Yes- urp- sheriff! I just nee- hurk- a minute to pull toge- hic- together my police lady toughness,” Amy burbled. For all her faults, Stephanie had to admit Amy was a go-getter. But she wasn't a cop, not really. When Stephanie saw that the police in Lakewood were all male, she immediately pressed secretary Amy into her new female officer recruitment program. But Amy was easy to scare, physically dainty, shy, and used to being pushed around. She desperately wanted to please Stephanie and become a full officer, but lacked basically any of the skills to get there. And yet she was still better than Billy and Ray.

“No time, Bower,” Stephanie chided, taking a hold of Amy's collar. “You can pull it together on the scene.” As the two women walked up to the door, Amy tried her best to stand up straight.

“Don't, um, don't I need a bulletproof vest?” Amy whimpered. Stephanie glanced down at Amy's chest. Pretty girl though she was, she would have no problem fitting into a vest.

“For the last time, he doesn't have a gun!” Stephanie barked. As they came close to Robert, Stephanie turned on her Bluetooth earpiece. “Call me through this with any updates, so he doesn't hear you. I'll do my best to keep you clued in too. If I need you to storm the building, I'll use the phrase 'There's no skylights in here.' Got it?” Robert nodded, and Stephanie dragged Amy inside.