[Chasmo]

Billy Miras was nothing if not a planner which was in large part why his pranks were always so successful. Whether it was something as simple as putting chalk sticks in the grooves of a blackboard eraser or as complex as capturing a rival high school's mascot, the young trickster prided himself on his mastery of the art of the prank. This time, however, even before he approached Sam Sweeney about seeking some form of revenge on the always arrogant Mrs. Parnell, he knew he'd need to improvise.

"Make it fast Miras," was Sam Sweeney's first reaction to Billy's entreaty, "if I don't get to work soon to burn up some energy I'm going to slug Will's mom right in her turned up nose."

"And end up kicked off the team, expelled from school and maybe even spending some time in jail," responded Billy who had not yet learned from Sam about the football hero's own comeuppance at the hands of Mrs. Parnell, "I think I may have a better way to help you exact some revenge on that stuck-up fancy pants with far less risk to your future."

"I'm listening," said Sam.

Billy went on to explain that in his experience a sure-fired way to take down someone like Will Parnell's mom was to somehow shake her confidence, get her out of her comfort zone, make her feel silly for once. Although he and Sam -- now his new, eager, co-conspirator -- would need to play this one by ear, Billy was sure they could create some mischief that would take the preening narcissist down a peg. Maybe, Billy suggested, they could go so far as to make her lose her icy cold affect and, instead of disdainfully tossing out snide comments from "on high," have Mrs. Cool end up frantic and harried -- shouting somebody down in public. At the very least, he offered, they could try to arrange for her to slip on a banana peel. Not in their wildest dreams -- even the wet ones -- could they have imagined what was actually soon to transpire.

* * *

Spinning on the very high heel of one of her patent leather Louboutin shoes and flush with the thrill of humiliating that pathetic cow Sweeney, Mrs. Parnell dispatched Will with the cart to fetch the bulk of the items on the list she had received from Alia. Danielle meanwhile headed for the meat and poultry counter at the back of the store, took a number and waited -- impatiently -- for the butcher to call her turn. During that wait, and after freshening up her ruby red lipstick, the comely counselor slipped a dainty foot from one of her towering shoes to scratch an itch on the back of her other leg's calf. Unbeknownst to her at the time, that simple, elegant act of nonchalance was about to trigger a chain of events that no one present would ever soon forget.

"I have an idea," Billy whispered to Sam as they spied on the fetching alpha-lawyer from behind a tall display of soup cans.

"What is it," asked Sam eagerly.

"You just get down to the end of the frozen food aisle there to make sure no one is coming," ordered the prankster-in-chief, "and hurry!"

As Sam ran off, Billy Miras stared transfixed by the vision of Will's mother in front of him. As he watched her tights encased right foot rub up and down on the chiseled calf of her sexy left leg all that was missing was the sound effect -- that delicious faint scratching that nylon makes when rubbed against itself. But this was no time for fantasy. Snapping out of his reverie Billy Miras knew he had to act now or lose his chance. Moving as stealthily as possible from behind the soup display he came up alongside the magnificent Mrs. Parnell just as her free foot was searching for its now empty Louboutin shoe. And then he did it -- as naturally as possible while walking past her on the right, Billy "accidentally" kicked Danielle's empty $450 shoe straight down the center of the frozen food aisle.

"Mrs. Parnell," Billy stammered employing as best he could the two years he spent in the school's drama club, "I'm so sorry -- I didn't mean . . ."

But before he could get his next word out he was cut off by the angry beauty who was both livid that this little Cretan had kicked her expensive shoe three quarters of the way down the aisle and somewhat embarrassed that with only one shoe she looked a bit out of sorts.

"You . . . little . . . idiot," she seethed, emphasizing her choice of words and not realizing that Rachel Miras was within earshot, "that shoe is worth more than your mother makes in a week."

Although he needed to appear penitent and collected on the outside, on the inside Billy was elated. This is exactly the reaction he was going for -- and Sam got to see it too. Mission accomplished. Little did he know the mission had only just begun.

"You're right, Mrs. Parnell, I'm an idiot . . . I am sooo sorry," Billy continued, hamming it up a bit for good measure. "Let me go get that for you," he offered -- an offer that the haughty woman should have accepted.

"I think you've done quite enough already, Mr. Miras, and I don't need your offers of false chivalry," Danielle retorted, "I'm most capable of retrieving my own shoe, thank you very much."

Pleased as punch with having discombobulated the perennially confident Mrs. Parnell, Billy Miras watched with glee as Danielle -- with only one very high heel still on -- hobbled off to collect its towering mate. The small spectacle was likewise enjoyed by Sam Sweeney and a number of the very women -- including Rachel Miras, Sally Sweeney and, having just arrived at the store with her son Callum, Emily Duncan -- each of whom the imperious diva so looked down upon and insulted too many times to count.

Keeping a stiff upper lip so as not to give the peasants witnessing her discomfiture any satisfaction, Danielle at last arrived at her shoe which had ultimately became wedged at the base of an open dairy locker. Turning her back toward the locker, and with as much poise as she could muster, Mrs. Parnell lowered her spectacularly fit bottom, sheathed in her very fashionable grey, tweed skirt atop the locker's lip before reaching down to retrieve her errant footwear.

Unfortunately for the comely counselor, as she lifted her foot up to put her high fashion, red-soled, Christian Louboutin pump back on, she overbalanced and fell, crashing backward into an assortment of frozen pizzas, ice creams and vegetables.

For those onlookers who had not yet returned to the banality of grocery shopping-- particularly the likes of Rachel Miras and the other moms who had already taken no small amount of joy in watching the arrogant Danielle Parnell hobbling after her lost shoe -- the sight of the self-proclaimed Queen Bee's spectacular tights covered legs flailing wildly as she struggled among the cases of frozen peas unleashed no small amount of laughter and finger pointing. For Billy and Sam, who high-fived one another as the angry authoritarian attempted to regain her feet, this vaudevillian pratfall was nothing but an unexpected bonus.

As Danielle continued kicking to try to regain some semblance of earth bound purchase, her Prada leather jacket began to get soaked, the front of her form fitting shirt became untucked and, unnoticed by anyone just yet, her high fashion Escada pencil skirt began to ride up revealing not the unending, black, opaque nylon tights one might have imagined a sensible mom to be sporting but rather the tell-tale welting -- in this case leopard print -- that confirmed the suddenly distressed damsel was wearing thigh highs. But that secret was for now preserved because, although she had managed to kick off her other shoe in the process, the more than slightly disheveled Mrs. Parnell had at last gotten the situation under control and hauled herself from the locker -- seemingly a good deal shorter than before she fell in.

Staring daggers at the crowd that had gathered to witness her struggle, Danielle stepped back into her heels and, doffing and hanging on a nearby cart the Prada leather jacket that had become water-stained in back during her escape, revealed to all her magnificently fit arms that appeared in all their glory thanks to the form-fitting, sleeveless black, cotton, Ralph Lauren oxford shirt she wore underneath.

Although the tail of her shirt remained untucked in back and her luxurious brown hair, so immaculately coiffed when she entered the store mere minutes before, was now somewhat in disarray with strands of the lavish mane falling in her face, it was clear that Danielle was quickly regaining her swagger as she carefully scouted out the faces before her ready to make someone pay for her recent indignity. How dare these peons take pleasure in her misfortune, she inwardly fumed.

And then -- as if scolding a group of misbehaving children, and to the joy of Billy and Sam who couldn't believe how well their simple prank had panned out -- Danielle, without her customary cool began, "well I hope you're all proud of yourselves. Standing there pointing and snickering while not offering me even the slightest hint of help."

Turning to Emily Duncan, who as the District Attorney of Davidson often came before "Judge" Parnell when Danielle heard cases in the Davidson Municipal Courthouse on a pro bono basis, "what about you Duncan -- do you feel happy that you got one over on me . . . you . . . you two-bit charlatan. Let's see if you're snickering the next time you show up in my court room."

"Or you Miras," Mrs. Parnell raged on, less composed than usual due to her recent spill, "are you proud of that idiot son over there cackling like a hyena? Perhaps when the two of you return to the Shire you could teach him some manners."

"That's right you," the gorgeous beauty continued as she wheeled around to face Billy Miras -- her usually cool, superior demeanor devolving into an uncharacteristic furor of perceived persecution, "I know your little stunt was no accident. You people disgust me."

As the still sexy Mrs. Parnell continued to lambaste the crowd before her, a broad smile began to emerge across the face of Callum Duncan, who standing directly behind the lovely lawyer was the first to notice that the zipper in the back of the imperious beauty's skirt must have been damaged by her fall into the frozen food locker. What's more, tooth by tooth, without its snooty wearer realizing a thing, the broken zipper was beginning to gape open and the sexy grey skirt to very slowly begin to move down Danielle's magnificently shaped hips revealing -- to Callum's delight -- a band of delicate black lace atop -- was that leopard print?

And then it happened . . .