Oh bollox, I can empathize with both sides of the argument/discussion/row.
She was out for her night out, she wanted to relax, enjoy and perhaps just get away from you and the kids for a night.
You were worried about her safety, especially because it had not been arranged in advance.
You need to both take deep breaths and agree that
- You are not being controlling (you're not, are you?)
- You do worry about her safety, especially when intoxicated
- Given the lifestyle you have both chosen, she is free to go out and enjoy herself, whatever that means
- But, if she is going to stay out for the night, it is arranged in advance.
Let's face it, that last thing she wants, if she is engaged in a heavy session with some other guy but forgotten to come home, is for you to be calling her phone every 5 minutes. Agree that something went wrong with your communication on this one and that, if you can put the communication right, it can happen again.
Although you have both chosen that she can get fun with other guys, you may have to accept she is not comfortable doing that under your nose and want some distance for the event.
'Nuf said. Good luck and let us know the happy end to this story.