[biglou]

I have a similar story to report. This one came up on a road trip when the conversation turned to assfucking, so I apologize for third person, but I trust its veracity.

My buddy had been dating a girl for a while but had not yet sealed the deal. This girl was out of his class in several ways, both in terms of social status and general hotness. She was in med school and played college basketball, so my buddy was not only obsessed with getting in her extraordinarily fit pants, but was also looking forward to a life of making her sandwiches in the morning before she went off to earn a grotesque salary as a surgeon. Now, the curious part of this "hadn't sealed the deal" story is that it was not for lack of trying on HER part. She had never had sex before (and in fact had never kissed a boy before him), and was intent on having sex with my buddy, and they had tried several times, but they could not get her vagina to cooperate. Call it nerves, call it powerful sphincter muscles, call it what you will. There was No Entry Allowed. After a couple of failed sessions, she awkwardly confessed that this was a big problem every time she went for a gynecological exam. That shit was just locked up tighter than Fort Knox, and she did not have the combination to the safe. She was excited about sex and determined to do it, but some portion of her brain was just countermanding her orders and instructing her vagina to repel all invaders.

Anyway, one night they are attempting yet again to screw, and the lights are all off of course, because she is painfully shy. After an extended bit of poking around from behind, finally, success!! So my buddy is plugging away for a bit, when he notices that he seems to be suspiciously high on her ass. He sweeps down her asscrack with his thumb, and sure enough, he encounters his dong before he encounters her butthole. (Or I suppose he discovers them simultaneously. I won't split hairs.) And he's pleasantly surprised to discover this totally unexpected thing, but has no idea how to respond to it. So, as much as anything to simply play it cool, he continues with this unplanned buttsex.

And here is the amazing punchline to this story: This event is NEVER DISCUSSED.

That is the element which, in my estimation, puts this on the short list of Greatest Accidental Buttsex Stories Ever. I want more than anything to hear her side of this story, but that is sadly not possible. Does she know that he knows, or did she think that this was just her little secret in that dark room? I MUST KNOW, YET I CANNOT! Why do you torture me, Jesus?

But I've done a lot of contemplation of how this whole thing was possible, and I suspect that after three or four unsuccessful attempts to have sex, she was probably feeling like an unlovable loser, and was just desperately wanting to please her man. So when lo and behold it went up her ass, she was pleased to have any success at all in that arena, and decided to keep her mouth shut.

And, if you think about it, a 19 year old virgin's asshole experiences infinitely more stretching on a daily basis than her vagina does, so on some level, it makes perfect sense.

Finis.