[DrVillian]

I like this story but I think it needs more details in certain parts, like colour of there clothes underwear etc. You did mention Edith's pink thong but apart from that I don't remember any mention of colour aside from there hair. Also I think you should maybe think of slowing the stripping down, it all seemed a little rushed and I couldn't really get into it because by the time I thought okay this is interesting it was all ready over. Maybe some smaller paragraphs might help also but maybe that's just be being a little picky. But yeah nice first story I'd like to see more as I can see room for improvement.