[heartfire05]

“It was the people,” Royce said. “It was all the people that made it so great.”

He had been driving for nearly an hour since they left the nudist club and this was the first time he had spoken.

Sunday had been anticlimactic. Royce and Lana slept till mid morning and then went back to lounge by the pool. But most of the guests had departed leaving a depressing emptiness in the clubhouse and pool area. The volleyball court was vacant and unused.

They remained till noon and then packed their things, loaded up the car and dressed in the open air of the parking lot before driving around to the office to check out. They didn’t even stop to eat.

“There were certainly plenty of naked women for you to look at,” Lana teased, picking up the conversation.

“And plenty of naked men for you,” he teased back at her. Then he turned serious. “But it wasn’t just that. It was the way all those people, all those different kinds of people, were all so comfortable. So happy. The way it was all so normal.”

“Different from anything you ever did before?” Lana probed.

“Yeah,” Royce murmured. “You have no idea. I think my parents would have killed me if I had even said the word nudist.”

“Really?” Lana probed a little farther.

“Really,” Royce assured her. Then he hesitated, fighting his ingrained fear of openly discussing his past. But now there was an opposing desire to explain, to generate understanding in another person. Bolstered by the nudist club experience and because he had come to love and trust Lana it was this desire that won out.

“They were intensely religious,” he continued. “They had an intensity for religion that’s almost beyond belief if you’ve never seen it before. We went to church a lot.”

Royce paused and quickly glanced at Lana. She said nothing but was clearly interested in hearing whatever he was willing to tell her.

“Want to know what a lot means?” he returned his eyes to the road ahead as he resumed speaking. “Every single time they unlocked the doors to that building it was mandatory that we be there. And not just us. There were maybe a dozen other churches like ours within twenty-five or thirty miles. Usually we had church three times a week. Every single week.

“But sometimes we’d have special weeks and we’d have church every night for a week. The other churches would do it too. So any week when somebody else was having one of those weeks and we weren’t guess where we were every night. If we weren’t having church in our own place that night and one of those other churches was… Well, we had to go over and be there with them.

“And when you’ve got that many churches in driving distance and each one is doing a special week a couple of times a year, but they’re doing it on different weeks… Well, you go to church a lot.”

“Sounds pretty demanding,” Lana suggested.

“Demanding?” Royce responded with a harsh laugh.

And then it all came pouring out. All the things he had gone through that had made him what he was. The loneliness. The sense of isolation from classmates at school. The football and basketball games he had missed because they were played on church nights. The school dances and proms he had never attended. Never having any close friends. Never having a girlfriend. Never going on a date. Not knowing how to even open up a conversation and talk to a girl. The feelings of sheer terror at the very thought of asking a girl out. The almost matter of fact conviction that it wouldn’t make any difference anyway because nobody could possibly want to go out with him. All the things he had never before been able to confide in any other person.

“That’s so sad,” Lana commiserated. “You had to miss out on everything growing up.”

When everything’s a sin it’s best to do nothing,” Royce replied bitterly.

“After high school I joined the Navy,” he continued his story in a calmer more normal voice. “Signed on for a six year program. My parents still tried to control me. Every time I came home on leave, first thing that happened, I got the same interrogation. Where do you go to church? What’s the preacher’s name?

“Finally I stopped going home. Stopped writing. Everything. I wanted to be free. I was twenty-one by then so I was legal. I tried to do things I never got to do before. Went to bars with the other guys. Drank beer. What I really wanted was to be with girls. Went to go-go clubs. And then massage parlors. Spent my money and nobody gave a damn about me and when I walked out of the joint it was over.”

And then his story complete, Royce fell silent.

“You were looking for a life,” Lana said when she saw he was finished. “You just didn’t know how to look.”

“Yeah,” Royce agreed. A reaction was setting in. A twinge of regret he had revealed so much. Lana realized he didn’t want to talk. They drove the rest of the way home in silence.

The silence continued even after Royce parked his car and turned his steps toward his apartment. Lana came too and followed him in.

“I’m fixing dinner tonight,” she broke the silence. “Don’t worry. I won’t keep you up late. I know you have to go to work in the morning. But you do need to eat. Let me see what you’ve got in your kitchen.”

Lana tried to start a conversation during dinner but Royce remained unresponsive. After clearing away and washing the dishes she led him to his sofa and pulled him close. She hugged him silently and gave him warm smiles until he finally came around and smiled back.

Knowing she had broken through she took him to his bedroom and helped him out of his clothes. Lying back on his bed he watched in pleasant anticipation as she stripped in front of him.

She joined him on the bed when she was also naked and they held each other. Lana made no requests or suggestions. She simply let Royce respond however he wished. After several minutes of stroking and kissing he shifted position to look at her bald pussy. She opened her legs so nothing would be hidden. He touched her labia and began stroking, lightly opening her lips. He brought his face down for a closer look. And then with firm resolve he placed his mouth to her vulva and extended his tongue.

Royce didn’t know what exactly he was supposed to do and Lana gave no instruction. He began licking her clitoris tentatively at first and then with increasingly rapid strokes. After several seconds he moved his tongue back to her vaginal orifice. He probed the opening slightly and then pulled back. And then he immediately reinserted and withdrew his tongue. In and out and then he shifted back to her clitoris. Royce continued this for several minutes. The clitoris, the vagina, and licking the length of the vulva as his tongue switched back and forth.

And still Lana gave no instruction or comment. She just purred softly. After several minutes Royce pulled away and looked at her sheepishly. She simply smiled at him.

“Did I, did I…” Royce stumbled over the words and could speak no farther.

“You did it just fine,” Lana assured him.

After that weekend their relationship entered yet another phase. They continued to see each other, often several times a week, and Fridays and Saturdays were still devoted to intense sexual pleasure. But there was now a different tone to that pleasure. No longer was it an end to itself. As Royce’s feelings for Lana evolved with his love becoming greater he also discovered a growing desire to just be with her, even when sex was not involved.

But always he was conscious that Lana considered him simply a friend, and she had other friends besides him. Many were the nights when he wished they could be together, but she had other commitments. He no longed tried to snoop. He made no further surreptitious trips to the swimming pool on nights when she had other company. But the dismaying realization that he was not the only one was never far from his mind.

Summer was gone and autumn followed and Royce continued to excel at the workplace. He earned the increasing respect of his management and that was accompanied by increasing responsibility, which also meant more out of town assignments. October and November were especially busy months with only a short respite for Thanksgiving. Lana fixed a real Thanksgiving dinner and they laughed at the memory of the mini dinner they had shared back in the summer when they first met.

After that it was back to work and three more weeks passed before Royce had another break. Lana promptly seized the opportunity to put up and decorate a tree in his living room. She also scheduled a Christmas dinner for just the two of them. They would also exchange gifts but Lana insisted they give each other one present only and it could not cost more than ten dollars.

“I wish we had fireplaces,” she said. Dinner was concluded and as always Lana had washed and put away the dishes. Now they turned out the living room lights so they could enjoy the Christmas tree lights and decorations as they sat together on his sofa.

“Want me to turn up the thermostat?” Royce offered.

“No. It’s not the same thing. It’s not the temperature it’s the atmosphere that counts,” Lana chided.

This time they were fully clothed as they snuggled together.

“Let’s open our presents,” Lana finally suggested. “Open yours first.”

Royce tore the wrapping paper off his present and laughed. Lana had given him a cookbook.

“Your turn,” he said handing her the gift he had bought.

“Oh you’re sweet,” Lana said. He had given her a storage and display rack for her records and tapes.

They settled back on the sofa to watch the Christmas lights. Royce had his arm around Lana and hugged her close. She snuggled up to him, wanting to be hugged close. For several minutes they just sat in silent enjoyment. Finally Royce broke the silence.

“Lana.”

“Yes,” she answered.

“Lana, will you marry me?”

She looked at him with a serene calmness.

“No Royce.”

“Lana, I don’t know what happened before,” Royce protested desperately, “But whatever problems you had with your other husbands you won’t have those problems with me.”

Lana looked at him with a tinge of sadness as if she had always known this moment must come.

“It wasn’t them,” she explained. “It was the whole marriage thing. I don’t have anything against marriage. But it just isn’t for me.”

“Then we…” Royce began, but Lana cut him off.

“Nothing has changed with us. We were friends. We’re still friends. I’m still here if you want me.”

Royce looked uncertain.

“Hey, winter nights can be very cozy,” she grinned at him.

Royce grinned back at her. But the chill that suddenly raced up his spine didn’t come from winter.