Thread: [Fictional Stories - ENF] Will’s Mom Comes Undone
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Old 11-26-2014, 05:05 PM
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This is outstanding writing! Chasmo you are a man after my own heart. Your characters are interesting and your story set up is well detailed and thought out. Your wardrobe descriptions set the scene perfectly. I also like the tease you placed in the last story with the subtle lesbian tendencies of Katherine and the second antagonist Nicole. Hopefully you will develop this story line in future installments.

A few suggestions if I may. Your wardrobe descriptions are highly detailed perhaps you could add some detail to the ladies physical attributes. When I first started writing, I was counseled never to use numbers and letters to describe breasts. Write what you see in your mind's eye.

Danielle has always been on the receiving end in every episode and rightfully so. Perhaps she should get some revenge on her tormentors. Nicole would be an obvious choice. Personally I like seeing one woman have a direct hand in the undoing of another including stripping by wardrobe sabotage or in a catfight. One thing, the catfights I create are all in the spirit of slapstick nothing extreme.

I look forward to new installments. Again excellent work Chasmo.
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