[sooty]

"My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I rooted a sheila called Penny – spooky or what?

My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. She has no sense of humour.

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you.... He is in Prison.

Nearly shagged a Poofter last night. Picked him up in a night club.
He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman.
Even kissed like a woman.
But as we arrived back at his apartment, he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement.
That's when I thought. “F**kin hang about” !!!!

A duck walked into a bar and said to the barman "Have you got any g****s?". The barman replied "No, this is a bar, we don't sell g****s, we sell drinks." The duck leaves and comes back again the next day and says "Have you got any g****s?" to which the barman replies "NO, I told you yesterday we don't sell g****s, we sell drinks." The duck leaves and returns the next day and again asks "have you got any g****s?" furiously the barman replies "NO, I've told you yesterday and the day before that we don't sell g****s, this is a bar and if you come in here again and ask if we have any g****s I'm going to nail your beak to the floor!". So the duck leaves and comes back again the next day and says "Do you have any nails?". The barman replies "No, we don't have any nails, this is a bar, we sell drinks" and the duck says "Oh OK then do you have any g****s?"

Sorry don't have any photos to post but if you check my posts in Completely Random Youtube Videos you are bound to find something that you like.