[Everard]

Have you ever been the victim of a practical joke that left you totally naked in a really awkward or embarrassing situation? Or know somebody who was?

I’d love to hear your stories – but first, here’s mine:

Many years ago I had a girlfriend, Tina, who was a fair bit younger than me; she was attractive, sexy and passionate. But with me still living at home and her sharing a flat with two other girls, opportunities for privacy were a little hard to come by. It became our custom, particularly in the summer, to head out of the city to a country pub, where we would sit and wait for the sun to go down. Then when we’d decided it was dark enough, we’d drive down the road to a deserted lane, where we would park, strip off, and enjoy a few glasses of wine before getting down to some steamy rampant sex.

One night after we had done the deed, I felt the need to answer a call of nature and got out of the car. While relieving myself I heard some shuffling, followed by a loud click. And when I tried to get back in … I couldn’t. She’d locked me out.

So there I was, twenty miles from home, stuck outside the car in a country lane where anyone could walk or drive past at any time, and not a stitch on. I spent a very uncomfortable few minutes trying to persuade Tina to let me back in (during which time she was jumping up and down laughing, sounding the horn and flashing the lights) and making a supreme effort not to let her know how annoyed I was. Eventually, she unlocked the door. (She couldn’t drive so at least I knew she wasn’t going to shoot off and leave me stranded.)

A week or so later we were back in the same spot and once more, I got out. And once more, I heard the click. This time I simply let myself back in using the spare key I’d had cut the day before, hidden in the door pocket, and picked up as I got out. What puzzled me, though, was that I never attempted to lock her out of the car in similar circumstances. Perhaps I’m just not as mean as she was!