Punctuate first and foremost. Use periods and commas to pace yourself. A whole story shouldn't be a single sentence. Use quotation marks to separate speech from narrative. I like that she rushed out in her pajamas, that's a nice touch. There's potential for some great situations if she's prone to being forgetful or overexcited like that. As long as you get a hold on proper formatting, I look forward to more from you.
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