[wolf86]

Originally Posted by PuffyNips

The worst sex I’ve ever had is with my wife. For one thing the sex has been incredibly infrequent at times. After returning from the honeymoon, we had sex four times in the first five years. She was in her sexual prime and we once went for two and a half years with no sex at all.

When we do have sex, it has never once been initiated by her. It has also never been spontaneous. I plead for sex for a year. She finally gives in, but that means she will put it in her schedule. She’ll tell me we will have sex a week from Thursday at 9:30 pm.

If I don’t do things exactly the way she wants in the days leading up to the sex, then the event is canceled.

The sex itself is mind-numbingly dull, repetitive and frustrating. I am to perform oral sex on her until she orgasms. This usually takes an hour. I am then allowed to have sexual intercourse with her in the missionary position. She will not allow for any other position. She will not perform oral sex. Mostly I will pull out of her and jack off to finish the job. The most interaction she has with me cumming is she will get a tissue and hold it in place over my dick so I cum in it. Of paramount importance to her is that no cum gets on the sheets.

Other quirks:

* She will hum during sex. It is always a piece of classical music. Imagine licking a woman’s pussy while she is rigorously humming a tune. The tunes always build up too, like she starts shaking her head about with the tune. She has also used her fingers to conduct whatever symphony she is reciting. I don’t know the psychology of this. I think she wants to make enough noise to drown out any slurping sounds I’m making.

* After the “concert” ends, she will often start talking. She will tell me what’s on her to do list tomorrow. Oh, she has to bring her umbrella in for repair. What woman talks about getting her umbrella repaired during the middle of sex? Ever try to cum while the woman is gabbing about inconsequential nonsense? On several occasions, like if I take more than ten minutes to cum, she will ask me to hurry up. See how that works? I patiently work on her for an hour to bring her to orgasm. But when it comes to her giving me pleasure, ten minutes is too much effort

* After I cum she flees the seen of the crime. She races to the bathroom and takes a shower to wash off any traces of sex. Sometimes she quickly gets up to do this just as I start cumming. By the time I shoot my third blast of cum, I’m alone in the bed and she’s already in the bathroom.

* Sometimes, after her orgasm she will fall asleep. Sometimes this happens as soon as she orgasms, sometimes it happens a few minutes later during the middle of sexual intercourse. Ever try to fuck a sleeping woman?

* There was one time we had sex in the middle of the afternoon (as her schedule would allow). After she orgasmed and we started to have sexual intercourse, she looked at her watch and suddenly jumped up and explained she had to be somewhere. She told me to finish myself off by hand when she was gone. I bristled at the callous way she said it. I spoke up and said, “No. That isn’t sex with you. That is sex by myself.” She said take it or leave it, she said she didn’t care if I made myself cum or not. And I think that summed her up, she doesn’t care if her partner cums or not. That might be my textbook definition of terrible sex.

Please share your stories, if you have them. It would make me feel better knowing others have also had terrible sex.

In my book falling asleep in the middle of sex is a free pass to fuck her how you want, if she doesn't like it she can wake up and participate. And if she stays asleep I would cum on the sheets...