Todd is right- it certainly doesnt suck. I'd also agree that there is nothing wrong with a story that just gets on with it without a long build up (like mine!). Theres also nothing wrong with having improbable events in there. In fact, your story reminded me of newspaper cartoon strip, fast moving and fun. If I could offer one bit of advice, it would be the same as someone once gave to me. Show-don't tell. It makes the reader imagine things for themselves rather than being directed by the author. It worked wonders for my writing. Still a good job though- much better than my first effort was.
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