Quote:
Originally Posted by todd_cheese
Wow, lots of comments about my little story. Thanks, everyone.
Age regression seems to require a bit more suspension of disbelief than other humiliation-themed stories.
That's a fair criticism, as my trend has always been to slowly erode her old life, and ensure that everything is stacked against her. It's part of the whole humiliation thing. If you have any suggestions for how I might give her a bit of a break without compromising that, let me know. I have used other readers' suggestions before, and while the major beats are pretty much set in stone at this point, there's still some room for an extra scene or two.
Anyway, glad to see there are still people discovering the story. Now to find time to finish Part 7...
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I realize I am coming late to the party but I'd like to add a few comments--
With regards to believability: The author creates the world in which his or her characters inhabit. We as readers don't get to decide the rules of that world.
The author sets the parameters and ground rules, and as long as these are kept in the story, the reader can suspend disbelief.
For example, in "Keilani's Long Vacation" (KLV) the story setting is the "real world". That's the construct the author has created through 6 parts. Now if the main character of Keilani suddenly developed super powers, that would completely take the audience out of the story and ruin the construct. It would be mixing formats, and destroy the suspension of disbelief.
Within the construct, the story works for me-- an example were I suspend disbelief is that a simple background check by the police on her Keilani's name and address would bring up her valid driver's license. The same thing could be said of her records at the university.
The are other examples of suspended disbelief, but I simply accept his world as presented and enjoy his excellent story.
With regards to plot:
I believe where the story really shines is Keilani's interactions with her "adult" friends and (former) adult world.
Humiliation wise, there is something to be said for being taken for, and being treated as, a child by other adults who are strangers.
However, to be seen acting like, and then treated as, a child by people who knew you as an adult
has to be the pen ultimate humiliation. Especially if it takes place in locations where you interacted with them as an adult (i.e. the college scene in "KLV part 6").
To date in "KLV", we have been witness to several scenes that depict the slow transformation of Keilani to a child in the eyes of her friends.
The first is the "Beach" scene, where Keilani is seen wearing a baby swimsuit, under the firm control of the Sisters, and being teased and taunted by another child. Her grown up friends do not know what to make of this.
The next time her friends see her is at the orphanage, dressed as a child in a little school girl outfit. Her friends are taken aback, astounded at her predicament and even more so at her behavior. She has a tantrum and starts screaming like a little girl. In their eyes there is now a question of whether or not she's capable of resuming her "adult" life.
The final time to date in the story is where Keilani see's her friends at the college. They are surprised to see her-- as if she really doesn't belong on the campus anymore. Worse, they treat her as little more than a little girl. This results in another round of childish behavior and Keilani is spanked in a room full of her (former) peers.
Given these incidents, it seem plain that Keilani is no longer an equal in her friends eyes. It's deliciously humiliating when her grown up friends treat and taunt her like a naughty little girl.
As I've said, this is where the story really shines, at least to me.
I would hope that future installments include other like scenes. Idea's could be that Keilani escapes again and finds out that her friends are out at a frat party (with Kahoku in attendence) and she shows up, still dressed as school girl. It would seem to me that by this point, Keilani's friends would be reluctant to help her, believing that she's now incapable of being an adult or even wearing grown up clothes anymore.
Keilani could also returns to where she used to work with her friends in tow to try to get back up for her story and is spanked, etc. in front of former co-workers by her former boss. After all, she did cost him a lot of business.
There also seems to be a court appearance coming up in the future and that could provide another opportunity to interact with her adult friends.
As for "a ray of hope" there could be an interlude where Keilani again escapes and finds grown up clothes, interacts with her former adult world, yet is once again spanked and dressed as a little girl in front of her former peers before being dragged off screaming as a little girl.
This is a great story, very well written and the author should be commended. Truly first rate work. I eagerly look forward to the next chapter and hope its not too long in coming.
Hal