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We walked quickly through the crowds and tables, only slightly slowed by the need to pat a few backs and shake a few hands while on route. I followed him right to a door leading outside. The whole back wall was glass, as was the door, but it was dark out and I could barely see what we were heading to. He ignored the “emergency only” sign on the door and pushed it open. The cool air and the muffling of sound as the door closed was very refreshing. It was a nice broad patio that would hold a decent sized party all by itself, but we were the only ones out here. As I looked around it was surprising how clearly I could see everything inside because I could barely tell the patio was there when looking from the inside. “So you said we’re smoking… is anyone joining us?” I queried. He held out 2 cigars with some degree of ceremony “No, I only have 2 of these.” There was a heavy emphasis on “these” as if I would recognize them as something special. “Nice!” I said even though had no clue as to what I was looking at. He quickly sensed that I was a rookie as I looked curiously at both ends wondering which side to light. So he took over and educated me on the finer points of cigar cutting and lighting while I leaned back against the balcony railing. After we were both lit, he took a big puff, closed his eyes and let it out slow. “So?” he questioned while opening his eyes.

“It’s so… uh… mellow” I replied, hoping that I picked a good word.

“I see that you’re the kind of guy who likes the finer things. And on that note, you have some catching up to do, you totally got to get on that threesome thing.”

“Oh for sure.” I said as if I just was too busy to have got around to it.

“Yup a couple of women in the bed is really something you have to experience”

“Definitely” I said without pointing out the obvious fact that I did not even have one woman who wanted to sleep me let alone two.

“You know you might find it easier to get it going with another couple… still 2 women in the sack, you just want to make sure you keep your distance so you don’t end up crossing swords with someone… If you know what I’m saying.”
“Ya, that might work, and I definitely hear what you’re saying” I said absently, as I thought how distant these problems are from my current situation.
“So what do you think, should I ask her?”
“Ask… um. What?” I was just vaguely starting to realize that this hypothetical situation might not have been hypothetical.
“Let me arrange to ask Sherri. If it works you come home with Nikki and me, if not you just pretend you have no idea and go home like usual. You can’t lose” He reasoned.
I went on a long rant that probably started with “Are you fucking kidding me?” and covered all the topics from not only have I not slept with Sherri, but I haven’t been intimate in any way, or even kissed her, and that I barely knew her. I also branched out to add that I had only slept with 2 different women total in my first 19 years and doubling that number before the night was done seemed a little beyond my grasp. I then ran into apologies if I implied something as I started to back away.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa” he said in his best attempt to be calming while overtly laughing at me at the same time. He guided me back to the railing and leaned my back against it as he continued “Forget what I said, we’re friends now and I want to help you out. Sure I’ll admit that I like what you brought to the party so I just thought that I’d ask, but we have a more important matter, we have to get you laid” It was still weird, and I wasn’t sure if I could trust him but I couldn’t argue with the stated goal and I started to loosen up again. He might have sensed and said “Good! Question 1, did you stroke it before you came out tonight?” I paused not sure I got the question right. “Masturbate! Did you masturbate before you came here?”
“I… uh… no” I stammered
“What about last night”
“I don’t know. Actually I don’t think so. Is this…” He cut me off.
“Oh dammit, you’re walking around with a loaded gun. Just about no experience, new girl… and a hot one at that, what do you think is going to happen if you do get lucky? You’re bound to pop before you even get it in there. It’s a good thing we didn’t all get in bed together, if you even looked at 2 naked girls at the same time you might have jizzed all over me. You’re going to need to hit the can and go rub one out.”
“You know I don’t think she’s that into me, it might…”
“Do you even want to get laid?”
“Well of course I do.”
“You say that like it’s a matter of fact, but you don’t want to screw 2 women, so why would you want to screw one? Or maybe you don’t like women?”
“Oh no, no no! I definitely like women and I definitely want to screw women. 1 or 2 or whatever, I just don’t think that I am screwing any women tonight”
“You’re going to give up trying because you don’t ‘think’ it will work? If every man thought like you the human race would go extinct in 1 generation.” He looked for a response from me but none came. Then I could see an idea flash across his face so he picked the conversation back up, “What if I were to promise you that you will get laid tonight?”
“But you can’t pr…”
“100% guarantee” he interrupted, “I’ll do that for you and all you have to do for me is encourage your girl to come over to my place for a little fun.” He saw my expression change and immediately jumped in to diffuse me, “Now don’t do off on a big hissy fit again like I’m asking you to pimp out your girl. No one is going to do anything they don’t want to do; I’m just being courteous here. I’ll get Nikki to ask; we’ll have some drinks and see what happens. I just don’t think it will work unless you’re into it too”
“So how does this crazy plan guarantee that Sherri will have sex with me”
“Oh I never promised that”
“Well what happened to ‘100% guarantee’?”
“I guaranteed sex… but not necessarily with Sherri.” Just then the music got louder because someone opened the door and I looked over to see Nikki coming pushing the door open with her cute little butt as she tried to keep her 2 drinks from spilling. Baldy’s back was to the door but I assumed he should have heard the noise change, but he didn’t react he just continued, “You can bone Nikki!” The door shut gently and we were back to the original muffled drone of the bass vibrating through the wall, “and that’s the guarantee”. I was trying to make frantic face gestures to let him know that his girlfriend was coming up right behind him and but he mis-understood “What? You don’t want Nikki? What is it age? She’s probably closer to your age than mine; just about any guy in this place would have her in a heartbeat if I let ‘em.” I had nothing to say, and Baldy was about to learn what I was frantic about. There was no telling how much she heard but it was surely enough to be damaging.
“What are you boys talking about?” She chimed in. Baldy looked over and I expected a look of panic but he only looked mildly interested in her 2 drinks. “Oh right, I thought you might need these.” We both took one even though I definitely did not ‘need’ another drink. “So what were you on about?”
“One of your favorite subjects babe, sex!” he punctuated the sentence with a slap to her ass. She blushed only slightly and looked like she was trying to suppress a smile. It was a good look for her.