My two cents:
She fucked around on you.
You discovered it. You turned out to like it. You told her you'd be okay with her continuing it, and including some humiliation in the mix.
She agreed, and started branching out. She set her boundaries around her friend. You violated those boundaries. She freaked out and acted out.
As I said earlier, if you didn't want to fuck other women, this would be perfect, but you not only want to fuck other women you really want to fuck this friend. Seems to me that you should say to her:
"Honey, I gave you free reign to be the 'not one-man woman' you said you are, and I need the freedom to be that 'not-one-woman-man.' If you need to set boundaries around your friend, then I get to set boundaries around some of your behavior, and part of that is not disappearing - you have to tell me who you're with, even if I can't veto them. If you can't be honest, then we're done."
OR you can pussy out and take her back with no other negotiation and promise not to fuck her friend, but secretly hope that she'll soften on that some day if you earn her trust back. That seems like a frustrating wait for an unlikely outcome.
I think right now she's taken over all the power in the relationship, and you appear not to be "down" with that completely. You still want her to tell you who she's with, and you want to fuck this one woman. Only you can answer if she's the kind of woman that will respond to being dominated back into place, or if she would react
badly to that and leave again, this time for good.
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