Quote:
Originally Posted by wildaboutyou
We are all nice people, so we compromise, which is great when dealing with strangers and friends, but is absolutely lethal when dealing with our girlfriend, lover, or wife. Compromise means both of you are equally unhappy. Here's a trivial example, you love Mexican food, but your mate dislikes it; she loves Japanese food, but you find it bland and boring. Thus, you compromise and eat at an Italian restaurant. Very reasonable of you two. But after years of eating exclusively at Italian restaurants, the very thought of pasta fills both of you with repulsion, so you stay home instead and eat leftovers. The better solution is not to compromise: alternate letting one take total advantage of the other by going to the Mexican or Japanese restaurants. It's not fair, but it is better.
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wildaboutyou:
Ironically, we have restaurant issues too, so I got a chuckle out of that.
Your entire post was very well and thoughtfully written. Even provocative. I liked it, and it's made me start to think about some things differently. I think I'm falling back into my old ways in my relationship with my wife - where I'm trying to be a people pleaser - which was the way I was years ago, well before I met her. In fact, it was only when I started to be assertive about what I wanted, in every way, from restaurants to living arrangements, to the bedroom (where sometimes the venue changed to the living room floor, standing up in the shower, or to the second floor landing). When I asserted myself, I was no longer needy, and I found relationships worked better - maybe they were simply more satisfying to me. For instance, the first time I slipped my cock up a woman's ass and fucked her anally, I felt like I was the king of the world.
I'll think about this some more, but thank you for putting together such a considered response.