[sooty]

1. A man goes into a bank and up to the cashier's desk.

"Nice tits love, I want to open a fucking checking account," the man snarls.

"I beg your pardon, sir?", the startled female teller replies.

"Listen, you dumb b*tch, I said I want to open a fucking checking account."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't help you if you're going to talk like that." She leaves the window, walks over to the bank manager and whispers in his ear. The two return and the manager asks, stiffly,

"What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no GODDAMN problem!" the man insists. "I just won ten million dollars in the lottery, and I want to open a fucking checking account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly replies,

"and this c*nt's giving you a hard time, is she?"

2. True Story

My brother who is 76 has had a friend from his schooldays who has been a real ladies man and had the equipment that average men could only envy. He has been so popular with the ladies that they were always chasing him including some over 30 years younger than him. A few years ago he was being chased by a lady but they couldn't sort out the logistics because of their spouses being home and neither would pay for a motel. Eventually an opportunity arose where he had the keys to his daughters house as he cut the lawns for her and she was away for a few days and his son-in-law would be at work.

They went to the house and fulfilled their carnal desires with great gusto. They were just walking out the driveway when a car pulled in and out got the son-in-law with another woman (not our friends daughter). There was strong eye contact made but total silence as both guys knew that they were snookered and neither could say a word to the other because both were doing exactly the same thing. Apparently they have never discussed it since.

Here are some of my favourite photos