I see your point about your names in bold and that might have helped I think. I'm not really sure how to change anything other than writing it as a traditional story (which would read better) but that would run counter to what you are trying to accomplish I guess. I'm not sure how to make it better or flow smoothly but maybe between such creative people like the two of you, you can come up with something if you think it might help.
Thanks for the post and I did enjoy reading it very much. I also really enjoyed your "Babysitting Without a Net." A friend of mine purchased the DVD a while back and recently gave it to me to watch. What a GREAT production! The professional style and setting must have cost you an absolute fortune to produce! If anyone out there hasn't purchased this DVD you are really missing out on a wonderful movie!
Torre
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