You want comments and constructive critique. OK, I'll throw in my view.
Your basic idea is ok. Two or more celebs wrestling or fighting in the ring, and one or more of them ending up naked and embarassed.
When that's said and done, however, your writing is lacking something IMO. What I'd like to see would be longer stories with a better build-up and some more drawn out description of the events in the stories. IMO some of the stories seem to get a little repetitive, but you can "fix" that by doing what I suggest.
To elaborate a little on what I mean, my main problem is basically that I get the same feeling I get from a bad pornmovie without any plot. Two people meet, get naked, have sex, end. Most of us here are probably men, so we probably tend to have a tendency to skip over the build-up in terms of watching porn. But a story doesn't provide still or moving pictures. Your writing have to provide the context, the mood, the setting, the movements etc. Everything. You want to paint an elaborate, captivating picture and story that will play out in the mind of the reader, and I'm left with the feeling of looking at a picture without proper colours, foreground, or background. The drawing itself is still good, but it just doesn't provide the same as the same picture put into a context. Same thing if you watch a horror movie without any sound. There's just something missing, even if the movie is otherwise brilliant.
I'd like to be able to provide you with a host of different examples of my own writing, or baring that, links to such stories. Unfortunately I don't style myself a writer, and right now I don't have the time to hunt down several stories that have what what I'm trying to get across here, but I did come across this one recently:
http ://chross.blogt.ch/forum/read.php?8,8069
Basically I find this story to be pretty good.
Good luck with your writing. It's not bad, but you have room for improvement (just like the rest of us...).
/Kyrel
|