Quote:
Originally Posted by cerindclvr
'fat' butts are fine with me, and less and less seems to mean a "bad chunky cellulite ridden ass" but more of a "big and plump" ass. I could see how that phrasing might throw one off a bit... anyways, as for the stories, u know how I feel Jack, keep pumpin out this awesome business..! no new critiques or commentary yet...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cerindclvr
reread the most recent chapter, my comments are as such -- the description starts out very weak and seems to cut corners. Tops and panties are simply "ripped" off, not doing the scene much justice. Im not able to picture the scene very clearly.
The next part, however, picks it up quite nicely. You start laying on the description a bit thicker, and you actually give the girls' bodies more defining characteristics. My advice is to work on (and you've started to do this) describing how the clothing actually gets ripped off. If a top stretches to the point where holes start to rip in it before it pops off entirely, or if it just tears slowly up the middle, say so.
If people have issue with it, you might want to find a word to sub out for 'fat' every now and then, in particular with the word pussy i'm guessing... you can always mix it up with 'swollen' or 'plump' ::shrug::
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Thanks for he tips, I will use them to put towards the next session. I will start working on the second segment tonight, but I don't know if it will be finished tonight.
Thanks for the comments and suggestions.