Thread: [Fictional Stories - ENF] The Fantasy Wrestling Show
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Old 09-15-2011, 04:24 PM
cerindclvr cerindclvr is offline
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reread the most recent chapter, my comments are as such -- the description starts out very weak and seems to cut corners. Tops and panties are simply "ripped" off, not doing the scene much justice. Im not able to picture the scene very clearly.
The next part, however, picks it up quite nicely. You start laying on the description a bit thicker, and you actually give the girls' bodies more defining characteristics. My advice is to work on (and you've started to do this) describing how the clothing actually gets ripped off. If a top stretches to the point where holes start to rip in it before it pops off entirely, or if it just tears slowly up the middle, say so.

If people have issue with it, you might want to find a word to sub out for 'fat' every now and then, in particular with the word pussy i'm guessing... you can always mix it up with 'swollen' or 'plump' ::shrug::
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