Quote:
Originally Posted by cerindclvr
I think what he's trying to say is that it shouldn't be so easy for one girl to win. It becomes obvious pretty early on which girl is going to win, usually, and if you strongly suspect the winner and turn out to be right it's less surprising... and after a while, some surprises would be good to make it interesting.
So basically if one girl seems to have the upper hand, even if she is going to win eventually, have the other girl put up more of a fight, maybe make it look like she might actually win.
Im liking this series an awful lot, if this continues it could turn into something fantastic..! I liked the Maryse/Kelly fight -- it had many elements of a winning story: the girls got explicitly humiliated in front of a film crew! Classic ENF goodness. My primary suggestion to you now is to work on your descriptions some. Add details that make it real. Take a little more time describing exactly how the girls lose their clothes, what their exposed body looks like, and eventually their horrified angry reaction (hehe).
That's my humble advice. If you get that part down your stories will improve a hundred fold... and they're pretty darn titillating as it is, so keep up the good work.
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Thanks Sooo much for all the suggestions, this is what I need to better the series.
I'm out of town into Tuesday, so that's when a new update will be up, but since its the last part of episode 1, it should be pretty crazy so it will be worth the wait.