100 pantyhose pics - part CXXXVI
 

The Wit of Phyllis Diller


Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty
fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like
shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller

20
 

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never
wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller

30
 

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I
want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the
only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank
has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller

40
 

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them
to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut
up.
Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller

50
 

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job
the next day.
Phyllis Diller

60
 

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got
gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How
about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller

70
 

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Phyllis Diller

80
 

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate
Pearl Harbor .
Phyllis Diller

90
 

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be
a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep
away from children.
Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours
ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller

100 pantyhose pics - part CXXXVI
 

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you
can't see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.