Accidents/injuries/amusing occurrences while having sex
 

Not sure if this will “work” as a thread, or if it’s been done before, but here goes...

Have you or your partner suffered an injury or accident while having sex? Or anyone got any stories of something funny/amusing that’s happened during the deed? Kind of like “porn outtakes” you sometimes see?

Some examples that have happened to or involved me in the past:

Injuries:

Have caused carpet burns in the past from fucking on the floor. Always put a blanket or towel down these days!

In my younger days, I tried to do a half nelson position with my then girlfriend (now my wife) after seeing it in a porn video and thinking it looked cool. I was struggling big-style to get my hands behind her head and ended up really hurting both her inner thigh muscles trying to force her legs wide enough apart. She was limping for days afterwards. Took a while for her to forgive that one!


Accidents:

When giving a girlfriend a (reluctant) facial I did the classic thing of aiming badly and ending up shooting my cum right into her eye. She was very pissed off with me and had a bloodshot eye afterwards!

Several times, usually when drunk or there’s been too much lube used, I’ve slipped into the wrong hole when it wasn’t anticipated. Usually gets me a slap!


Amusing occurrences:

Do quite a lot of anal on my wife. Often, when first entering or first starting to thrust, there’ll be a bit of air trapped which escapes a bit noisily. Always makes me giggle when it happens!

With a girlfriend at uni, we were having noisy sex one night. All of a sudden her housemate who’s bedroom was above us bangs on her floor and shouts “WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO REVISE!” Bit of a shock as we didn’t realise she was in, but it made us laugh.

Wife was a bridesmaid at her best friends wedding. She was in a black shiny dress. After reception drinks but before the sit down meal, we snuck up to our room for a quick fuck. We were so horny that we didn’t get totally naked, I just pulled the front of her dress down and lifted the skirt part up and fucked her like that. Anyway, somehow during our frantic fumblings a load of my cum ended up down the front of her dress. She was pissed off but the whole situation was quite funny. She cleaned up as best as she could but had to spend the rest of the wedding trying to hide/disguise the stain. At the meal, she made a big deal of “accidentally” dropping some ice cream down herself, to give her a good cover story. Everyone we were sitting with was so sympathetic but inside I was laughing at the real reason she’d done it!

Those are the ones that spring to mind for me. Would love to hear yours if you have any!

Ant bites
 

I was volunteering at a festival one year. It had been a long hard day of work. I needed to a check on the perimeter of the grounds so I grabbed a four-wheeler. This volunteer gal asked if I wanted company. Sure so she hopped on in back of me. As we rode around she had her arms wrapped around my mid-section. Her arms/hands moved lower until her hands were over my crotch.

She asked if I would let her drive the four-wheeler as she had never driven one. Ok we switched places and off we went - kinda slow her being a beginner. She kept asking me which way to turn so I told her I would squeeze her with my right hand to turn right and left to turn left.

At first I just squeezed her sides, then on a lark I squeezed her right tit. Then the left. Then right etc. She laughed and made comments about my giving direction that way. I gave her the proper squeezes to get her to drive to a secluded area of the festival grounds. I squeezed both tits at the same time for her to stop.

We got off the four-wheeler and without saying anything she embraced me and kissed me with generous use of her tongue. Before long we had explored each others bodies generously and clothes started to come off. I played with the titties and tasted her sex as she did the same to me.

Soon we were laying on the ground fucking away. When we were done she said she needed to get up right away. Well her butt had been lying on a fire ant hill. She turned around and I brushed several ants off her backside. Well, that ended a good time.

The next day she whispered to me she thought she had been bitten numerous times even around her anus. I told her to be patient and I would get something to relieve the discomfort. I sent a helper to the store for white vinegar and itch-relieving lotion.

I found her and told her I had something for her. We headed for this RV we had as a get-away for the volunteers. I told her to drop her pants and it might sting a little. She bent over and there were numerous ant bites on her ass several of which were in the crack. I applied the vinegar to which she expressed discomfort from the sting. I rubbed her pussy to distract her from the sting.

I then took the lotion and started to apply it to her butt. I worked my way toward her anus and started rubbing it there. She didn't resist. So with my clean hand I probed her butt to which she seemed to enjoy. I asked and she told me she liked anal sex. Down came my pants and I was already hard.

I rubbed my dick around her pussy and ass. Just as I prepared to enter her there was a knock on the door. Well, that was the end of that as we quickly pulled our clothes back on. I let the couple in that knocked. I thought we had escaped suspicion, when the newly arrived gal asked what we were doing with vinegar and inti-itch lotion.

I explained it was there for anyone who might get insect bites and we were out the door. I did mange some backdoor fun with her at a later time.

Wondering if anyone else has any stories?

Umm
 

Does having your girlfriends dad, who was supposed to be gone all day, walk in just as you bury balls deep into her ass count? We were on her bed facing the door and he swung it open literally as our hips met. His face went white, eyes got huge, and we both froze. Longest 30 seconds ever before he backed out and went to the other end of the house.

I left out the window, didnt actually speak to him for three weeks.

Danger of a Tent Camper while Fucking
 

My wife and I had a tent camper that we pulled behind our bike. We were at a motorcycle rally camped around a number of tenters. My wife had gotten a little drunk and was ready for some heavy sex a little early in the evening. We said good-night to our fellow campers and turned in. As we ripped each other's clothes off and got involved, we never gave a second thought that we were in an elevated camper bed supported only by two thin stints. In addition, we had unzipped the window fly on the end of the elevated bed to get more air for our amorous adventure. As we became more tangled and involved, the hunching and pumping became more accentuated. After a good ten minutes or so of heavy, rigorous pumping, we both started climaxing. I doubt if anyone outside the tent had any doubt what was going on in that canvas enclosure. My wife was breathing heavy and calling out, "Harder and faster!" I was breathing and sighing with each thrust and squirting a good dose of semen in that hot, wet pussy -- when all of a sudden the stints supporting the bed buckled and slid out from under the bed area of the camper. With that the entire bed collapsed downward toward the unzipped window. We both sled out through that open window onto the ground below becoming somewhat uncoupled. Of course there were a dozen or so people gathered around the campsite. There we were -- two totally nude people with my dick still shooting semen, and my wife spread-eagled dripping a good amount of the same from her glistening pussy. Neither of us were physically hurt, but we loss a little face that evening as everyone hollered and clapped while we scrambled to our feet to search for our clothes and reconstruct the tent enclosure with some degree of dignity. We heard about this episode for years.

Dildo
 

Years before my wife, I was with a girlfriend, who liked anal.... Ok, but often a dildo anal..... I was shoving a dildo into anally, and had to lv the room for a minute, and left the dildo in her ass... ok w/ her...


Problem occurred when she sat up in bed, and the dildo went all the way in..... I couldn't get it out!!!
We tried for an hour, forcepts, plyers, lube... NO GO..... we ended up at the emergency room where a doctor
had to "GO IN" with BIG forcepts to get it out...… embarrassing moment... especially with a staff watching.

Ok so this happened fairly recently. My wife likes it when "Mr. Contractor" does work around the house and she "pays" him with favors. Of course I am "Mr. Contractor". I usually do the work wearing just a hard hat and boots and maybe a tool belt depending on the project while she watches the show. Well we decided to move a wall in the newest wing of our house and I had finished the drywall taping and it was time to texture. I mix the wall compound to a runny consistency in a five gallon bucket using a paddle on a giant old drill. I am talking a drill that has the regular handle on once side and a 3/4" steel pipe that threads into the top side to use as a handle for two handed mixing. It even has gear reduction for higher torque and slower speeds. If it grabs, it is taking you with it. I was mixing the wall compound for the texture gun wearing just my boots and hard hat. I got a little too close to the chuck and my nut sack snagged on the chuck of the drill. It was over in a fraction of a second. I thought I had just bumped the drill at first because it didn't hurt. Then I felt the wet of blood on my leg.

I looked down and started to feel the burn. It had ripped about an inch in the skin. Luckily nothing inside was damaged. I keep suture kits on hand because I am always patching up cattle dogs and sometimes us on the ranch. I did not want to go in and explain this one at the ER and since it looked like it was only the skin, I sewed myself up. I have now removed the stitches and everything seems to be in order. No permanent damage other than the scar it seems. I was lucky it was not my dick that got caught or that the balls did not get caught and that it was just a snag that did not really grab.

Accident but no injury
 

My first time with one of mine was her first time ever so I used a condom, and the damn thing broke just as I was finishing. Fortunately the break was about half way between the ends and I was able to carefully withdraw from her without spilling anything. It may have just been that that one was defective, but I gave her all the credit.

Years ago when my wife and I were dating i was living at my parents house. I was in my mid 20's and I rented a In-Law apartment.

Nobody was home and I was out in, what we called the back shed, which was an old storage area for the horse and buggy. It's an old house. I had my weights out there and I was lifting when I could lift. She had come over to use the pool and what not.

Well I was about done and she walks over as I finish my set and I'm on the bench. She starts to get nude and I obviously liked that and got hard. Well she wasn't super ready it seemed and she basically jumped on me.

Thankfully I didn't break my dick but I did get a nasty laceration from that. That damn thing took over a week to heal to the point to where I could use it again lol. I think that's the only injury I really can remember.

Classic
 

My worst, I think, was the classic "broke the bed".
My ex and I were newly married and going at it one afternoon, hot and heavy in the missionary position. I was pounding her hard and we were both loving it, when all of a sudden the right side of the bed frame separated from the headboard. Almost immediately after, the left side separated also. The frame, box spring, mattress and us were unceremoniously slammed to the floor. With nothing to hold it up, the huge, ornately carved headboard followed.
Confused and just beginning to realize what had just happened, I didn't notice the headboard starting to lean. I was still buried deep inside her when the headboard slammed me right on the top of my head!

The wound it gave me didn't need stitches or anything but man, did it bleed! By the time I got the headboard off of us and propped up against the wall, I was so covered in blood and sweat, that it looked like I had just gone 10 rounds with Marvelous Marvin Hagler (RIP)! :D