Funny, amazing, bizarre, or ridiculous situations while nude
 

Let’s start a collection of funny, amazing, bizarre, or ridiculous situations we’ve seen or experienced at clothing-optional beaches or resorts. Anything humorous or weird, as long as it involves nudity.

I’ll start…

Nowadays at Haulover Beach the nudist part is marked off from the textile part with a low fence running from the water up to the dunes, but years ago there was just a rope suspended on a line of short poles. That’s when I noticed a large family spread out on both sides of the rope, half on one side (all nude), the rest (all in bathing suits) on the other side, all sitting there happily chatting and passing sandwiches and drinks back and forth across the rope. Go figure!

At a nudist resort we were visiting in Palm Springs, folks were lounging round the pool one evening, when one very elegantly made-up woman (jewelry, hair done up, nails painted, high heels,) strode past us but then stopped to say she was getting ready to go out with her husband and that she had a nice dress to put on just before time to leave. But for now, indicating the small handbag slung by a thin strap over her shoulder, she wanted to know if we liked her “gownless evening-strap”.

We were at a nudist resort in Florida, and after spending the afternoon around the pool we decided to go check out the gift shop. After picking out a dress my wife took it to the counter and asked the saleslady where she could find the dressing room to try it on. Now, consider the situation: this is a nudist resort, and the only clothes anywhere in the shop are on the racks and hangers, and everyone is nude. Changing room?

My wife was showing some garden contractors around the back yard and accidentally tripped over backwards over a bench, resulting in her legs sticking straight up and spread wide. She was wearing a short skirt with no knickers. The contractors helped her back to her feet, but not before congratulating her on her beautiful bush (planting bushes was what they were there for in the first place!)

Please share your own crazy stories…I’m sure there are a lot of good laughs out there!

This story is quite mild.

Before I got married, I had a FWB that I guess you could describe as slightly out there, funny and a very decent person.

We'd hook up probably every 2 months or so. It was always the same. She's come over, we'd talk about sex, chat about her sex life then watch porn or partake in something sexual in nature (sex quiz, what ifs etc.)

One of the things I used to tell my FWBs was that once they came into my place, it was customary to get your kit off. They'd laugh and be shy about it the first few times, but then they'd come around. Not all of them. Some wouldn't do it and they'd just laugh and I'd leave it at that. But this lass was definitely the best in regards to this and I'd never need to prompt her or ask.

So she'd come in, get straight into the shower and then come out naked and stay that way. She'd tell me if she'd put on weight or lost weight and also if her boobs felt bigger or smaller. She had a very typical Japanese woman's body with B cup breasts and was probably around 161cms tall.

She would tell me that coming to my place (i'd made it look quite nice) was extremely relaxing and she enjoyed being able to come over and get naked and stay that way. I guess it relieved stress for her!

She was fascinated with Japanese porn and we'd watch it together. I'd sit on my chair with her either giving me a BJ, touching me or me inside her. Whenever she'd make a comment, which was all the time, she'd stop the sex act. She would often compare her body to the performers.

The actual sex was unremarkable, but I really enjoyed the fact that she was having fun getting naked and enjoying herself as her job was really shitty.

A friend of mine's GF, Claire, lived in the apartment next to me, she was a ER nurse and very pretty. She complained that my friend refused to have real sex with her, he was a junior in law school and was scared to death that she would get pregnant. I thought he was crazy, condoms and BC are reliable, I guessed that there was some other reason.

A hurricane glanced our area, it knocked out power and put trees down, so a lot of road were closed, they asked everyone to stay off the streets until they could be cleared. They estimated that the power would be out for 2-3 days. I had filled a couple of ice chests with ice and beer before the storm, just in case.

I saw Claire outside, with no AC all the doors and windows were open, so she came over to have a cold beer. With the heat she was dressed in minimal clothing, no bra, shorts and a crop top, she said the hospital told her not to try to come in, so she had a few days off.

I shared some of my ice with neighbors and BBQ's were breaking out, better to cook the food than to let it spoil. Claire and I hung out until late, I had managed to hook up a fan to a car battery so my apartment was a little more bearable. I told Claire that if we wet a sheet and got naked under it, we could stay cool with the fan blowing.

Nancy, as I have noticed about a lot of nurses, had zero shyness, she and I wet the sheet and stripped. In the one candle we had for light, her body was astounding. Of course I got a huge boner and Claire didn't let it go to waste.

I was almost sad when the power came on and the road opened. Claire got tired of my buddy and moved back to Montreal.

Watch out for those Naturist Beaches!
 

Upon arrival at Gatwick Airport, London, I was taking a train to Birmingham, my destination for a two-week business trip at the University there. On the train, I was idly thumbing through the train company’s hospitality magazine found at every seat, and came upon the following:

WARNING TO RAIL PATRONS
England offers many recreational diversions in the summertime, however for your protection British Rail provide this warning: Patrons arriving on any train into Bournemouth Station (BMH) and planning to travel further to the south using the Number 50 bus (tickets may be purchased on the bus) are cautioned against leaving the bus at the established stop soon after the bus has left the ferry from Sandbanks. Leaving the bus at that location (either the 1st or 2nd stop after the short ferry ride) and walking to the southeast will cause you to arrive at the Studland Naturist Beach. Bus 50 departs Bournemouth Station or Bournemouth Square (a short walk from the Station) at frequent intervals throughout the day, and northbound trips from Swanage to BMH are available through late evening, allowing time to meet the return train. The last trains of the day leave at 20:22, with later trains at the weekend. For those rail patrons who do find themselves at the warned-of location, signs declaring the Naturist Area are posted. British Rail take pride in executing its responsibility to warn patrons against inadvertently arriving at certain noted locations.

When I was 26 I met a girl (don't know her name anymore) at a new years eve party. I wasn't excactly the guy who had loads of women glued to his ass, so I was over the moon when she invited me in her place for the night.
We had some great sex that night. And when we woke up around 11am on new years day, we started a new round of sex. She was on top, riding my cock when her parents came into the bedroom. They wanted to bring their daughter a new years greeting or so. The girl however just kept sitting on my cock while her parents stood beside the bed. Hugging her and wishing her all the best for the new year. They both shook my hand while I was laying on my back with my cock up in their daughter...
They chatted along for another minute or so before leaving us. Saying "have fun you two. We'll see you downstairs"
We did finish our fucking. But I didn't stay very long afterwards.
It was and probably will remain the most bizarre sex experience I've ever had :confused:

Hahaha, given the situations my wife and I have been in with her parents around or near-by, this wouldn't seem strange to us at all. (I assume it isn't terribly strange in general, but people never talk about it.) Super hilarious, for sure!

Your own (enviable) category
 

Gnome, maybe it is just me, but I would guess you are in your own enviable category. I am sure there are others, but damn, dude, your stories are jaw droppers for me and I will confess I have read some of them multiple times. But, perhaps I have lived under a rock.

Senior Citizen Skinny Dip
 

I'd had this client for years that we had a personal friendship also. He helped me get my feet on the floor with my business. I hadn't seen him or his wife in a couple years. I was coming to the town where they had a summer home. They invited me for dinner and to stay the night.

When I got there he showed me around as this was the first time I had been to this house of theirs. When he showed me the pool he made an off-handed comment that it was private enough that they didn't wear bathing suits. BTW this couple were in their mid-70s and very wealthy.

After dinner they suggested an after dinner drink and swim. Hmm I wondered what the "dress code" was given his earlier comment. I found out before I even went to my room as she walked out with a towel wrapped around her that I could see her bare ass. from behind.

I went to my room, stripped and wrapped a towel around me and went back to the pool area. As I got out there she dropped her towel and I did immediately after. He soon walked out nude. He said, "I guess we are all comfortable nude together." We swam around and enjoyed our cocktails.

Soon there was a knock at the patio screen door. He got out of the pool and in came two couples that he greeted. I was introduced and a comment was made that it must be a clothing optional night. Soon these two couples were nude in the pool cocktails in hand. Over the next half hour a few more couples and singles arrived. All at least 70 years old.

No, they weren't swingers, but were very "friendly" and open sexually. We all had a great time with me getting to know everyone. Keep in mind here I am early 40s hanging out nude with a group 30 years or more older than me in the nude. We had a great time. I was "warned" by my friend to expect a couple "friendly women".

Sure enough chatting in the pool after dark I was being felt up under water by a couple of the women. One gal whispered to me that they weren't used to having a "young cock" partying with the group. I went along with it all enjoying feeling these old pussies and tits in the pool.

I got out of the pool for a bit and sat at a table sipping my drink. This one gal sits next to me and proceeds to stroke me and invites another gal to come "se how this one feels". I'm now between the two - both feeling my now hard cock and have one hand in a pussy and the other massaging tits.

More swimming, more cocktails but no sex going on just a lot of touchy-feely. As the evening wound down the crowd thinned out. One gal as she left took a hold of my cock and said, "Next time I want some of this.". Later after everyone left the couple and I sat around with coffee. He told me he thought I would be okay with what went on with his neighbors. I smiled and responded that was an interesting crowd.

The Bug
 

My wife hates bugs. Any kind of bug. She will typically yells my name or that of our kids to come and capture or kill any bugs that she sees. So a few weeks back while we were having company over a bug decided to show up.

My wife and I had over a few friends for a small gathering at our apartment. It's a typical 2 bathroom setup with one bathroom being for the guest and the kids. We had all be drinking a bit and were now settled down to watch some tv in the main room. After a few minutes into the show and while still taking a few drinks my wife says she has to use the rest room but instead of walking the distance into our master bathroom she decided to go into the guest bathroom a few feet away. The layout of the house has this bathroom centered in the hallway sandwiched between the living room and the dining room.

I'm not sure how much time passed. Maybe just a few seconds before we all heard yell, a loud crashing of items and more yelling. The door to the bathroom is swung open to the point where it flexed the hinges and my wife runs out yelling and shaking her hands like a kid having a tantrum. Her panties and her skirt are down at her ankles and she's yelling something incoherently. To make matter even more interesting she was still peeing. It was dripping down her legs onto her panties, skirt and the floor of the hallway.

Our guest all just looked at her as she finally caught her breath and yelled "There's a big ass bug in the bathroom and it landed on my shoulder while I was pissing. Come and this this shit out of here NOW!" She was still bottomless while barking out her demands, he panties and skirt were damp with piss and a trail of piss went from the toilet to were she stood in the middle of the hall. Luckily for her she had just gotten legs and pussy of her 6ft frame waxed earlier that week :)

I and others couldn't do anything else but laugh before I went into the bathroom and found a flying beetle on the sink. She in the meantime stepped out of the panties and skirt and went into the master bedroom, washed up and changed before returning to the room. I was left to towel up her little mess.

When the guest left and we were alone and laughing at the situation, I was amazed at how all her modesty went out of the window. She said at that point in time she didn't give a care who saw what as long as that bug wasn't on her.

That one time this happened on a nude beach
 

This is one where I still laugh at myself. My wife and I used to be regulars at "Polo Beach" on Oahu and spent a few hours there every Sunday for at least 2 years. Because this was an unofficial nude beach and not too crowded, nearly everyone there knew each other by name.

One day, we were sitting in our chairs and relaxing when a clothed blonde woman walked by us and began arranging her chair and other stuff probably 15 feet from us. I recognized her as I had seen her before but hadn't had a chance to introduce us for whatever reason.

So, as she was getting situated, I waited for her to put everything in place because I was going to say hi and introduce myself and my wife when she settled. Since I was waiting and she was somewhat between us and the ocean, I probably looked at her more than I normally would look at a nude woman at the nude beach.

When she placed her chair down, she was apparently trying to get sun and faced it directly at me which seemed odd because everyone else there was facing the ocean. Still, though, I didnt want to disturb her while she was occupied, so I didnt say anything, but continued to wait. She removed all her clothes and even though I had seen her before, she looked really good. She wasnt super thin, but just an athletic body with good curves.

As she sat down, I guess she was trying to tan her inner thighs and sat back in her chair with her legs fairly open. Since she was totally shaved, the view was simply very detailed, to say the least. This totally caught me off guard because I hadnt seen that on this beach at all to that point and plus, she was really hot. Suddenly, I realized that my dick was also aware what I was looking at and had decided to sit up and take notice. Simultaneous to this, I realize this woman is now giving me the death stare behind her sunglasses. Admittedly, I know I deserved that I had been subconsciously looking in her direction way too much, even though it was just in preparation to say hi.

Now, I have her eyes on me with a nearly fully erect dick, so I am not about to get out of my chair and say hi. Instead, I awkwardly shifted in my chair and looked elsewhere. In retrospect, I maybe could have said 'sorry for staring, but I was getting ready to say hi', but really was trapped because I feel she had to have noticed my lack of flacidity and figured it was probably better to just zip it. We sat there for another couple hours or so, but it was perhaps the most uncomfortable time I spent on that beach. I am sure she felt that I was just another perv. I still don't think I had a better option that day. I guess it is a good thing my wife was there, or I might have looked like a real creeper. I still laugh that misstep to this day.

My wife is the same way. Even an ant on the floor and she screams like she is about to be murdered. Even an ant.

Shockingly, though, nothing like your story has happened to her. You would think with her extreme reaction that at least she would have flung off her shirt because of a bug. But nope. Never. Hopefully some day we will be outside with people and a bug will land on her or inside her shirt and she will shed clothing to get it out. Someday.

Did you ever go back there?
 

Wow, I think I would have made a point to go back there. As a guy, it's rare and fun being the center of attention!

Zoomie, your post reminded me of this
 

I was at a small nudist resort one day hanging out with a girlfriend (not a FWB). At one point in the late afternoon when the crowd had thinned out, she asked me to give her a massage. So we went off to the side of the pool. She laid on her stomach and I started rubbing her back. I was really enjoying it and she got so relaxed she fell asleep. When I was finished I looked down and saw I had a full erection and a string of pre-cum was touching her ass! Somehow, I was not aware of this until I saw it. Hard to believe, I know. I quickly had to jump in the pool since erections are frowned upon at most nudist places.

Bizzare and embarrassed
 

If you have read many of my posts you know I live a free lifestyle, but this was embarrassing to me.

I needed something from the convenience store late one evening near closing time. I quickly threw on a pair of gym shorts and a T and headed out the door. I got to the c-store and ran into this high-society woman that I knew from some social functions.

We are chatting about nothing in particular. Suddenly she drops some contents of her wallet on the floor (credit cards money etc.). Being the gentlemen she thinks I am I stoop down on my haunches and start to pick up some of her things for her.

Yikes! I was commando under the gym shorts and my junk was hanging out for anyone to see. She is on her knees picking up stuff. Her head is only a couple feet from me and she lets out a short squeal as she is staring right at my exposed junk. I immediately stand up and am then covered.

She and I were both red as a beet. She had paid and quickly headed for the door. I quickly followed her out apologizing away. Eventually we both laughed it off, with her warning me to be more careful.

And odds are, after she got past the initial surprise, she enjoyed the view much more than she felt she could admit! ;)

The Southern Lady
 

She was very much a prim and proper wealthy mid-70s southern lady. I have seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was quite the babe especially in a bikini. I'm sure she got all the cock she ever wanted.

Her daughter is equally as attractive as her mother was and quite the partier. I saw the daughter nude a couple times skinny dipping at parties. They are one of a very few mother-daughter combinations that have seen my cock.

I've told this story her before but...

This was during my first wife's "so comfortable with nudity she'd forget she's naked" nudist phase.
So we're at the resort, and we sit right by the pool in some lounge chairs. Now the chairs are pretty close to each other; and to my left is my wife, and to the right in some gentleman. Suddenly my wife decides she needs something out of the beach bag, which is sitting next to me on my right between me and the gentleman. So she straddles my lounge chair and sits it next to me to forage through it, standing in the small space between me and the gentleman to my right. She can't find what she's looking for; and she is now bent over pulling stuff out of the bag.
I wasn't paying much attention to the whole scene until I glanced over to the gentleman. And I realize her ass is right on top of the man's head. The guy's facial expression is priceless. So I nudge my wife and tell her she is showing that man her butthole. She turns around and immediately apologizes. The guy is a trooper, cracks a joke about her "moon blocking his sun" and we all have a laugh.

Now my wife back then didn't have a problem with people seeing her naked; as a matter of fact she had no qualms about being shaven and sitting/lying open-legged. But no one actually got to see her that way within "licking" distance. She probably made that guy's day!

P.S The pic below is not my wife...but it's what the guy was seeing

One...
 

Reading these reminds me of a couple of things - we were on holiday many years ago (probably 20+) and my other half's sister was staying with us with her b/f. We were in the (then family) caravan on the coast. We let D & M have the main bedroom while we bunked down in the converted lounge area and the kids shared a room which had single beds.

Being in the lounge area meant getting up first unless you wanted everyone else climbing all over you later! Not a problem since we weren't given to lazing around in bed.

We were up one morning with the kids and as it had been a while, we decided we'd take them out, leaving D & M to get up when it suited them.

D's young son went in to say goodbye to mum but as he left, he rubbed along the side of the bed spinning the quilt off and leaving her topless.

For some reason, I remember her gorgeous, brown nipples like it was yesterday!

Two
 

The other thing which comes to mind is my delightful step-daughter. We've always had a really great relationship and in many ways, she's closer to me than her mother. Before she left home the first time, she developed a habit whereby she'd go out of an evening (19 or so at the time) and as they do, come back more than a little pickled around midnight or so.

The fun part was, she'd strip off as she came up the stairs, come into our room completely naked then perch on the end of the bed and regale us with the stories of the evening - two or three times as she was usually so kettled, she forgot what she'd told us!

One night in particular, my other half tired of this after the third recital and ended things abruptly by telling her "Go to bed now please, I want sex!"

Of course parents aren't supposed to do sex so that got a distinct "Ugh..!" as she ran naked from the room!

17 years later, she's back with us and still happy to wander around naked when it suits her!!

Wide-open
 

Recently at a local clothing-optional beach, some of our friends showed up and with them was a woman I hadn’t met before. She delayed taking her clothes off, but once she did she sat down on top of a large cooler, spread her legs, and put her hands to her pussy for a moment. When she took her hands away, her lips were wide open and the dark space within was clearly visible. How did she do this? She told us she’d taken a clear plastic napkin ring, about an inch long and an inch in diameter, and inserted it between her lips, giving her pussy a just-fucked look. A stripper friend of hers had told her this trick, apparently strip-joint clients like that look. Since it was clear, you didn’t notice the ring itself, only what it was holding open. So here was our new friend, and you could look deep inside her, past the pink and even into where light didn’t reach. She told us to get a good look, because she’d have to remove it before getting up to walk around.

Shower Curtain Rings Instead?
 

I've never heard of this being used by strippers, but I have used a similar device for some private photo sessions. My preference was for a shower ring, nearly circular, but also clear plastic. It isn't as thick as a napkin ring I imagine, but the diameter is slightly greater. I did have to check my shots to make sure I wasn't getting an objectionable reflection.

Bare Butt Spanking in a Bar
 

I was driving back from a project site a few years ago. I took the backroads and passed a dingy-looking bar. I was thirsty and turned around and went in. Yep, several what I thought were conservative "country type folks" were there sipping beer.

I was greeted by a decent looking somewhat curvy gal bartender. Everyone at the bar were friendly and I ended up in casual conversation. At one point I turned around and was speaking to someone sitting at a table. I reached back for my beer and knocked it over spilling beer on the bar.

The crowd at the bar erupted and almost in unison and laughing said I was going to suffer the consequences - or something of the sort. I asked them what they meant and a couple of them pointed to a sign behind the bar that said, "Spill a drink and you deserve a spanking." I laughed along with them and helped the bartender wipe up the mess.

She brought me another beer and I bought a round for the house for my misdeed. Then the bartender came from around the bar and told me to come with her and receive my spanking. I laughed and followed her over to a table and she pointed to this table and "assume the position". Everyone including me was laughing.

Leaning over slightly I put my hands on the table awaiting my spanking. She said that I was not getting off that easy and reached around and undid my belt and opened the front of my pants. Soon my pants were around my ankles with my legs pushed apart and my shoulders pushed down toward the table.

I'm still laughing with everyone. Well she gave me a few bare handed spanks on each cheek then softly felt my butt and balls. Then two other gals in the bar also came up and gave me one on each cheek then gently caressed my butt. the last gal said ok you've received your punishment as she took a feel of my very visible balls from behind.

I rose up, stepped out of my pants and walked back to my beer jokingly saying my butt hurt too much to cover it. A few minutes later I put my pants back on as I was getting a boner. As the joking and laughter went on I was told that I was set up as the bartender had moved my beer to right behind my elbow guaranteeing I would knock it over eventually.

I protested that it wasn't fair and the bartender should be spanked for setting me up like that. The crowd agreed and egged her to be spanked for her doing that to me. Some customers jokingly threatened her with no tips if she didn't.

I was egged on to bring her to that table and give her the spanking. When she was waiting on a table I took her by the hand and dragged her toward the table. She protested a little, said not on her bare butt. The crowd called for bare butt. She "assumed the position" and I did as she had and lowered her jeans to her ankles.

That's enough she said, I said I didn't think she would like it if I damaged her panties and lowered them and spread her legs like mine were. I proceeded to give her several spanks on each cheek, giving her butt a soft caress between and giving her bare pussy a good feel. I couldn't believe how acceptance these folks were over this.

A woman came up with her phone and took a picture of her bare and red butt. How about you in the picture the gal said. I immediately lowered my pants and leaned over the table next to her and the gal took pictures of our bare butts.

Later while talking at the bar this gal came up me with a folder. In it were numerous pictures of peoples' bare red butts including the bartender. They explained that it all started out one drunken evening when the bartender confessed that she liked to be spanked as she got turned on by giving and receiving spankings. It became a "tradition" and the spankings happened once in a while when they thought someone would go along with it.

I did and still get a good chuckle thinking about it. I've never been back there (It is quite far and out of the way). I never got into spanking with sex until I was seeing this gal who loved it. We did it once in a while. The best time was when we were at a swingers club and did it with another couple in front of a crowd. I got erect from having it done in front of the crowd.

Wow! A shower ring!
 

The woman I described, with the ring from the bottle cap, said she couldn't walk comfortably with it in; that's why she told us to get a good look inside her before she took it out. In your case, you were posing, but did you try walking, or at least standing up between poses? If so, what was the result?

I'm a male art model at two nearby colleges, and once when posing with a female model she inserted a ring while the two of us were still in the changing room, but as we were walking out to the podium it popped out. She still had her robe on, so nobody was the wiser.

From our first time dating and being married over 40 years, my wife never seems to amaze me with some of our sexual interludes.

My first bizarre time was about three months after we began dating. She was just nineteen at the time. Her best friend moved several miles away and had just had a baby. She is a tiny skinny girl with hardly any breasts at all. My wife then had some nice round and smooth perfect medium sized breasts. She wanted to go visit her friend for a couple of days and see her new baby.

The second day there, we headed from the hotel to her friends house. Her husband had to work. When we arrived, her friend was wearing her bathrobe still. After a bit, I stepped outside taking my time to smoke a cigarette.

When I walked back into the house, My wife was sitting on the couch, topless. She was holding the baby to her breast like she was nursing it. Well the baby was sucking her nipple. She smiled at me and told me her friend was taking a shower and the baby got fussy so she decided to try it our and see what it felt like and calm the baby down.

I was sort of shocked yet was laughing my ass off. I told her not to like it too well because I didn't want kids right away. She giggled at that and then switched the baby over to her other tit.

When her friend came out of the shower just wrapped in a towel and took the baby to actually feed it, she just dropped her towel and held the baby up to her tiny nipple to feed it. First time I had seen a shaved pussy. Well one thing led to another and well, things happened.

I hope you won't leave us like that, without specifying what kind of things happened.

Well...
 

Natural pacifier, I guess. I know I would be content! :D

I am writing this episode here cause I couldnt find a suitable thread for it. The moderators can move it to appropriate thread if they like.

Anyway, one of our young mangers who is married to a gorgeous but a bit snobbish lady went to a business meeting in Europe along with another manger. He resigned as soon as he came back. The matter was hushed up. The other manger is a very close friend and told me that when the guy passed through the metal detector, all sort of alarms went off. They were both taken to a room for detailed search, where they found out that other guy was wearing a chastity device. Apparently his wife did not trust him not to cheat when abroad and had made him wear the chastity device. The security guys had a good laugh and had let them go but this guy was so embarrassed that he left the company.

First, a confession – I posted this story in another thread a couple of years back, but it would appear to fit here too:

Many years ago I had a girlfriend, Tina, who was a fair bit younger than me; she was attractive, sexy and passionate. But with me still living at home and her sharing a flat with two other girls, opportunities for privacy were a little hard to come by. It became our custom, particularly in the summer, to head out of the city to a country pub, where we would sit and wait for the sun to go down. Then when we’d decided it was dark enough, we’d drive down the road to a deserted lane, where we would park, strip off, and enjoy a few glasses of wine before getting down to some steamy rampant sex.

One night after we had done the deed, I felt the need to answer a call of nature and got out of the car. While relieving myself I heard some shuffling, followed by a loud click. And when I tried to get back in … I couldn’t. She’d locked me out.

So there I was, twenty miles from home, stuck outside the car in a country lane where anyone could walk or drive past at any time, and not a stitch on. And this was twenty-five years before I became a naturist! I spent a very uncomfortable few minutes trying to persuade Tina to let me back in (during which time she was jumping up and down laughing, sounding the horn and flashing the lights) and making a supreme effort not to let her know how annoyed I was. Eventually, she unlocked the door. (She couldn’t drive so at least I knew she wasn’t going to shoot off and leave me stranded.)

A week or so later we were back in the same spot and once more, I got out. And once more, I heard the click. This time I simply let myself back in using the spare key I’d had cut the day before, hidden in the door pocket, and picked up as I got out.

What puzzled me, though, was that I never attempted to lock her out of the car in similar circumstances. Perhaps I’m just not as mean as she was!

Maybe she wanted you to lock her out also?

You should have dumped her after the first time.
 

Once she let me back in I would have laughed it off with her as I pleasantly drove her home for the last time.

Talk about immature - flashing lights and sounding horn.

Beach rescue
 

My wife - then girlfriend in her early thirties - and me had a weird sexy situation a few years ago.

We usually go to clothing optional or nude beaches, and also vacation is the time when I can dare her to do sexy things for me and she will fulfill frivolous tasks that really turn us on a lot. Our „repertoire“ for that has grown over the last 15 years. ;-)
However this time we were in a place where nudity on the beach seemed inappropriate and we had to wear our bikini and trunks. We didn’t enjoy that too much and one day when we were in the water I felt like being cheeky and dared her to strip off her bikini top, then even bottom, and swim naked. She replied only if I took off my trunks she would go all nude. No problem there!

Seconds later she handed me her stuff and I handed her mine and we swam naked and frolicked a little, like touching and kissing and her even arousing my cock in the cold water. Water was splashing around her hard nips and our hands were "everywhere". I was hoping to get a nice hand job and she didn’t seem to mind.

After a few minutes or so - me having a massive hard-on - we suddenly heard someone scream, maybe about 30 metres away, shouting for help. My wife is very sporty and an excellent swimmer, so she didn’t hesitate and tossed my trunks back to me, swam naked to that (British) guy, maybe in his forties, who got stuck in one of those rip currents that drag you away from the beach into the open water. I followed, with our clothing in hands and arrived when she had already talked to him and told him to swim parallel to the shoreline as to get away from the current, then she pulled him towards her and in the end he was able to swim „freely" again. He was exhausted, so we guided him back to the shore and I asked my wife (in German) as to whether she wanted to put on her bikini again. Halfway I managed to get into my trunks. She didn’t bother but stayed close to the chap and only when we were able to stand again and she stood topless and her the water barely covering her lap she said she needed it back.

Only then I noticed that I had lost her thong somewhere on the way, so I could only hand her the bikini top and was kind of puzzled myself where I had left it. The Brit was trembling so when I hesitated she said something like „Oh, nevermind!“ and helped him out of the water in her full glory, with other people staring at us. He had to lie down and she kneeled next to him until other people on the beach joined in and helped him.
It seemed to me that most of the men at the scene were rather watching my wife than the poor guy and she was really bold not to bother at all. When things got straight and we could leave him I explained to her and she only got her top back and put it on and we went back to our place, her being bottomless (what I thought was extremely arousing!). She didn’t believe me that I had really lost it but I really had!
So the only thing she could do was to put on her miniskirt and sit on the towel, and after we had calmed down she even dared to tease me again by opening her legs and showing me her bald pussy and even flash it a little.

Some time later the Brit came to us and said thank you and also added that it was the first time he had to be rescued and also the most wonderful way to be rescued. My wife smiled and said something like „Don’t do it again - we might not be here tomorrow“.

Eventually we went back to the hotel and when I took off my trunks there I noticed that the thong had gotten entangled in its inside - so I had it near my cock all the time!
Needless to say she didn’t believe me that I didn’t know and until today tells me I did it on purpose, and even when we told the story to friends they would rather believe her than me. For me it is still arousing to think about it - she was the only one naked and in the centre of attention for many people... sex that night was tremendous!

A silly fun fact that goes with the story: Every time that I hear „Pure Shores“ from „All Saints“ on the radio I have to think about that day… „Moving, coming, can you hear what I hear? (Take me to the beach) I can hear it calling you, I’m coming not drowning swimming closer to you!“

Radio interference
 

Something I remember from 40 years ago but still laugh about today; I was staying with my girlfriend as her parents had gone on holiday. We'd decided that it would be nice for them if we redecorated the living room while they were away but of course being young, energetic and having a house completely to ourselves, this also involved a LOT of sex, any time, any place etc etc.

One afternoon we were on the sofa banging like a gate in a gale when the DJ said "...and whatever you're doing, you're doing it better with Radio 1!" and suddenly, I wasn't!!

I went down faster than the Titanic but we laughed about it and still so if by any chance you're reading this Paul Burnett, thanks a bunch!! :)

That same week, we also managed to break a bed. These were the old-style, hardwood head and footboard, angle frame with diamond wire etc. Once again, we were going for it big style when one of the foot-end corners let go and dropped to the floor. We paused very briefly then decided "fuck it!" and carried on.Unfortunately the increased load then proceeded to break the other end and we ended up in a cartoon-style heap of woodwork but not before we'd both exploded like a volcano.

We fixed the bed later - much later!

WTF!
 

Another epic 'fail' in the hard-on dept. came from an experience with my one and only virgin. She was a lovely young lady, I was 22 - 23 at the time and I think to an extent, I was a convenient celebration of her 'coming of age'.

We had a thing for a couple of months before she decided it was time to find out what a different cock looked, tasted and felt like but one day she completely stopped my gallop - every bit as quickly as my other story - when she flung the quilt off the bed and onto the floor, spread herself on it starfish-style and completely naked and demanded that I "Do something dominant!"

Now as a considerate guy who has been having sexual relationships for a few years at this point, this is NOT what I expected from a girl her age so as my ship rapidly went down, I gently explained to her that this sort of thing is not a genie you can summon with a snap of your fingers!!

I never did find out where she got the idea at such a tender age (and pre-internet too!) but I hope she found what she was looking for! I saw her a few weeks ago in the town where she originally came from and I have to say the intervening 35 years haven't done any harm - she's every bit as stunning now as she was then - if not more so!

Women teasing/ daring each other on nude beach
 

I go to Gunnison Beach in NJ a few times a summer, and it is always fun.

One of the more entertaining things is to see the first-timers who come, but are not "courageous" enough to remove all or part of their suit at first. Many of them sit on the edge of the beach and try to work up the guts to do so. Others take off their suit in the water at first.

The funniest thing, though, is when one or more women in a group (this is usually younger ones, 20s or so) are there, and not all are nude. They will go in the water, and one or more will start teasing/ prodding another about "getting naked". Sometimes it gets hands-on, and I have seen tops untied by another, and/or bottoms pulled down. :) I have even seen suits (or parts) taken away by another "friend" as the subject tries to cover herself in vain- while she is laughing. Almost like, I feel naughty being naked, but I don't mind my friend teasing me. A victory like that is always satisfying to watch.

BTW I love seeing tan lines, they are very sexy. And that often occurs in these cases, as many of them have never been nude in public before.

Yesterday, I had two great experiences like that.

One was two women, probably late 40's, who I noticed on the beach and in the water topfree. One was American, the other, probably Spanish. They went back down to the water to go in again, and Spanish Lady starts pulling at the strings on her friend's bikini bottom. I was standing by the water and started laughing. Her friend started screaming in laughter and was trying to run away into the water, all the while, her bottoms slipping and crooked. Spanish Lady whipped her own bottoms off and started waving them in the air, telling her friend to take her own bottoms off. The friend was trying but failing to fix her suit, as the Spanish lady went after her in the water and took the bottoms right off her and ran off with them in the water!
I talked to Spanish Lady and she said it was her friend's second time there, and it was about time that she took her bottoms off...LOL

The second was a personal "victory" in converting someone to a skinny dipper. It was toward the end of the day, and the beach was starting to empty, only a few people in the water, me included. A mid-20s woman (brunette Jersey girl look) wearing a 1-piece tank type suit came into the water near me and I said hi. "I'm glad there are still people in the water because I want to swim" she said. I told her she could swim with me, and she was happy about that as the water was emptying of other swimmers. After a few minutes, I asked her if she had ever been to this beach before. She said it was only her second time. “Did you get the guts to go nude yet?” I asked with a laugh.
“No” she said, “I have never been nude on a beach before.”
“Well, why not? Give it a try?”
She smiled “I’m working up to it.”
“It’s the end of the day and there’s almost no one here. You’re in the water, who will see you?”
She smiled again. “You’re right…she said…I’m getting up the guts!”
We swam for a while longer and between social small talk, I worked encouraging teases into the conversation. She was playing along, which was a good sign.
After a few minutes, I said, “Why should I be the only one naked here? It’s time…”
She looked at me, laughed and said “Ok” as she pushed her straps down and pulled the suit down to waist level.
“That wasn’t hard, was it? Doesn’t it feel better than having a wet suit stuck to you?”
She laughed. “Yeah, it actually does feel good. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Thanks!” as she jokingly rolled her eyes.
We swam for another few minutes and then I teased her “come on, you’re not done yet.” She thought for a minute, then laughed. “What will I do with my suit?”
“Hold it?”
She thought for a minute and smiled “Ok, might as well” as she pulled the whole suit off and held it. We swam for a while, but it started to get dark and cold and we got out.
We hung out on the beach for a while, exchanged numbers/Facebook and decided that we would try and meet up again, maybe next weekend, because she now had, in her words, a “nude beach friend”.
And she now sees the fun and comfort of not wearing a swimsuit.
I wonder how fast she will get naked next time ;)

Honeymoon photos
 

On Black Sand Beach, near Hana on the eastern end of Maui, my wife and I were soaking up the sun and enjoying the surf. A few other people were on the small beach, mostly couples and some families with teenage or smaller children. About 20 people in all, everyone naked.

The female partner of one of the twenty-something couples came over with her camera and asked if we could do some vacation photos of the two of them. Of course! So we went to the edge of the rocks and took several shots, being careful to not include any of the other beachgoers in the frame. Most of the pictures were full frontal nudes, standing or sitting, with their arms around each other. Like the couple in your story, they explained that they were on their honeymoon. The full nude pictures were for themselves, but they also had us take several that hid their pubic areas and her breasts, by strategic placement of hands, legs, or the branches of the one small tree on the beach. These would be for showing to relatives, or, someday, to eventual children. My wife and I took turns with their camera, and after reviewing the dozen or so shots, they were satisfied, thanked us, and went back to lie on their own towels.

Toward the end of the day, people started leaving. Once there were no children left, the same couple came to us again and asked if we would take a few more photos, only these would be more "interesting". Sure; why not! These poses were explicit: the tip of his dick just inside the lips of her pussy, as viewed both doggy style and cowgirl position, forward and reverse. Not fucking, but just barely penetrating and with both of them smiling at the camera. Then a few with it all the way in, each one of these followed by one taken just at the moment his dick pulled away, to show her pussy still open, and the wetness of both of them. We did many retakes of this particular pose, until we snapped the shutter just in time to show a strand of fluid stretching from his dick to her pussy. In that photo, you see them smiling (as in all the photos), but the shiny string of cum connecting them really made this one the “money shot”.

They were very pleased with their pictures. But before they left, my wife and I handed them our camera so we could have our own vacation photos!

I was in charge of a salvage operation for a sunken boat near Bay St Louis, it was early January but a cold front had pushed through, so it was pretty chilly to me. Every thing I did had to be overseen by a USCG officer for approval, that officer I had that day was a young lady, 99% of the operation was per forma, so there wasn't a lot for her to do but rubberstamp and keep logs.

The CG had assigned her a small launch to get us back and forth from the salvage operation to the landing, it was a lot faster than riding tugs. I got a call that a storm was going to shut us down for 12 hours, we got it buttoned down, sent the crews in, then the lady and I got in the launch and headed in. We waited too long to leave, we weren't likely to sink, but we were wet and freezing fighting the wind all the way to the landing. We ran to my truck, jumped in an I cranked up the heater, but we were soaked.

She was the one to say, we have to get out of these clothes or we'll get hypothermia. It is difficult to take off wet gear in the cab of a pickup truck, but it was done, in a few minutes we were naked, or almost, huddled over the heat vents. I dropped her off at another landing where her truck was, so she had a change of clothes in there. I had to drive to my hotel and put wet clothes back on.

I hope I haven't posted this too many times.

Coast Guard officer out of uniform
 

I'm curious to know: Once she was out of uniform, did she drop the 'yes ma'am, no ma'am' formalities?

No, but at least a part of me did not shrink from it's duties and provided a proper salute.

Funny story group caught nude
 

I related this story on another site but thought that it deserved a fresh re-tell here.

About eight years ago our friend John decided that he would give his wife Mary a surprise party for her 50th birthday. They were somewhat new to social nudism and had met up with our group a few times at the DeAnza resort over the previous summer. Although they had been casual home nudists for some time, this would be their first time hosting a social nudist get together at their home. Counting John & Mary there would be a total of 5 couples in attendance.

Mary usually got home from work at about 5:30 so the plan was to meet there before 5:00 and help John setup. We picked up some rolled tacos from our favorite taco shop, my sister made a melon bowl, and the other 2 couples brought cheese, crackers, wine and champagne. We all arrived on time, stashed our clothes in the guest room, and set out the munchies and adult beverages. We finished a little early so we had time to blow up a few balloons and hang some crepe streamers.

She was running a little late. So we sat around and had a little wine and gabbed while we waited for our guest of honor to arrive. Sue commented on John's new shaved look. It was a birthday surprise for Mary, who had secretly told John that she liked the look. Just then we heard the garage door start to open. She had arrived and was going to enter directly into the den. We quickly went to our appointed spots near the door and waited.

Then the big surprise was on us. The door opened and an elderly couple walked in, followed by Mary. It was her mom & dad. They had just flown in from Salt Lake City and she had picked them from the airport. My sister Sue, Lori and their husbands were standing there in full view, nude, wine in hand ready to yell “surprise”. Julie and I were by the patio door slider while John, Amy and her husband were by the kitchen counter.

Mary’s mom silently covered her eyes while her dad just stared mouth open in disbelief. The look on their faces was priceless. Mary went from surprised to panic then annoyed in 2 seconds. John quickly grabbed a kitchen towel to cover up and tried to explain the situation. And 4 naked couples simultaneously raced down the hall to grab their clothes. After a quick discussion in the guest room we all sneaked out the front door without saying a word.

The following weekend we all met up again at my sister's house, including John & Mary, both sporting their new clean shaven style. They brought the champagne we had left behind and we had a “belated” birthday toast. They said they had to do a lot of fast talking to calm her parents. They are old school Mormons and could not imagine their daughter participating in “drinking and doing something like that”. But in the end, and after a late evening of explaining, they calmed her parents and felt that all was well again.

It did give us another great nude memory that we still joke about.

For some years my wife has been taking aquagym classes in a pool near her office. The pool is frequented by many of my wife's colleagues due to the proximity to the office and the discounts applied.
First comment I would be very excited to see my female colleagues in swimsuits and I think my wife is "interesting" for many of her colleagues. Moreover now with the smartphones, I would not exclude the existence of photos and videos of my wife in swimsuit shared by her coleagues.
But this is only the beginning there are also a few embarrassing sexy accidents.
The first one after one year in the pool my wife shows me the swimsuit, it was damaged by the chlorine and it was transparent especially on tits and ass. I have no photos of my wife but the photo of this swimmer perfectly clarifies how my wife has been swimming in the pool for weeks especially when her swimsuit was wet and in the presence of many of her colleagues.
The second episode was even more traumatic. After the accident with the first swimsuit, my wife bought a new "chlorine-resistant" swimsuit and she began to check see-through effects. After one year the second swimsuit was not transparent but it had a structural failure. Here are my wife's words.
“What a shame I wanted to die in the pool today. We are doing an exercise in the water jumping and raising our arms when the elastic of the neckline breaks and my breasts pop out. I don't understand what is happening and I keep on jumping with my bouncing boobs. Only after a few seconds I realise that my boobs are exposed, I rearrange the swimsuit and I get out of the pool but climbing the ladder my boobs pop out again. The pool was crowded and there were also many colleagues ".
The photo below tries to reproduce the situation and even the breasts are the same size, a few coleagues may have seen her boobs and I do not exclude the existence of photos or videos of my wife's accident.