This weird woman is harassing me!
 

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I am here because I am in a really bad situation and I need some advice on what to do. I am not alcoholic. I'm not a heavy drinker at all--I never keep alcohol at my house, I never drink by myself, it's almost never liquor (mostly wine), and it's usually just for special occasions. Four months ago i got a dui because of my own irresponsible decision making, and have been labeled an alcoholic by a drug and alcohol counselor. I am required to go to 3 AA meetings a week for a year......i have went to 21of them..

I am 5 ft 10 tall heterosexual curvy hourglass shaped attractive mixed race woman( African American father Norwegian American mother). My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have a 14year old daughter! I have very large breasts and I do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.

My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out. I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone.

It is all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. On my second meeting this short like 5ft2 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine 53 year old woman AA group member walked up to me and said to me "Wow! Your breasts are massive!" and without even asking, she reached out with both hands and gave my breasts what I can only describe as a jiggle-squish. and giggled about how she liked them.This woman is really short. She was standing in front of me her head was exactly the level of my breasts.

Since then this weird ginger woman on every AA meeting is CONSTANTLY wanting to touch my breasts, feel them. If I just stand/sit there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling them and squishing them or whatever. I cannot sit in my chair without her seeing the opportunity to come up and cop a feel. She just wants to feel them, and it is annoying and uncomfortable to say the least.

She keeps touching my breasts any time her hand is near them. I have explained that it makes me feel uncomfortable when she tries to touch them without my permission. I ask her nicely not to touch them, and I've gotten to the point where I'm just so frustrated that I have to actually get upset with her and even then she just laughs or gets mad about it. She gets extremely upset when I remove her hand to the point of literally "fighting" my hand away with her own. Also this ginger woman is always slapping or rubbing my butt. She will just full on grab my butt. It is super annoying. I’m just standing there, and she’ll walk by me and take a swipe at my butt. She just touches my ass and leave her arm there.

I want to beat the shit out of her when she touches me without my consent. I am physically stronger than this weirdo ginger woman. I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in sneakers. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. She knows how disgusted I feel when she touches me without my consent. She even asks me if I was ****d before just because I don't want her to touch my breasts and butt. I am 100% straight. I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman. This ginger weirdo woman is repulsive to me.

Chair person this woman who is in charge to sign my paper "card"is very protective of this groper ginger midget. Three days ago i I complained to her about the situation with this groper woman but she(chair person) got really mad and started yelling at me. Her exact words were "You arrogant snob. You stuck up overdressed cow. You feel uncomfortable "slumming" with women who aren't as sophisticated,rich, gorgeous and worldly as you? Ego and arrogance at its best.What do you expect with your huge boobs your big ass your flashy clothes?" I have an intense fear of conflict with this old woman chair person since she signs my paper. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her. This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? I am too scared to be dishonest about the attendance though. This woman chair person calls me 3 times a day, if I don't answer she emails. She says that court ordered AA opens the eyes of a lot of people who would otherwise not consider themselves alcoholic.

I am considered by most of other women AA group members to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions for the past21 meetings . I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after the meeting. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. Also this woman group member is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. Also most of other women group members think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob. I feel like these women don't really like me. they are all white women in their 40s and 50s. The whole time I'm there I feel like I'm being disrespectful and rude because I didn't choose to be there. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it. .

Within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous. Also I can't talk to my husband about this because he is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me. I need to get through this.

My case worker probation officer is very condescending, aggressive and quite rude. She doesn't care what happens to me. She thinks that i deserve to go to jail. She says that i am stuck up, arrogant snob. I just need to get through this. As i said within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work.

thats a shame, try feeling gingers breasts as revenge?

Not sure this is the right place to be posting your problem, but anyway I'll play along in good faith...
Forget your principles.
Next time you go in, smile, be open & friendly, bring snacks, and then breakdown crying when you talk. That's what they want. They want you to be as weak as they are. Otherwise it threatens them, especially the fact that you don't think you belong there. The fact that you don't want to be there in their little group.
Play the victim card as well as you can.

Duran Duran first of all, thank you for reading and responding to my post. You make some really good points in your response that I feel I need to address.

Yes these women AA group members think I am arrogant or a snob but I do not have good people skills .Although I'd prefer that they think I'm arrogant to thinking that I'm afraid. I am uncomfortable in social settings and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around other people. I've been asked soooo many times 'why are you so serious' when I'm not feeling serious at that moment. I unintentionally tend to give off an unfriendly aura which has led people to ask if I dislike them. When I feel nervous I try to compensate by being really confident. I guess other people take that as me being arrogant. I've been told I come across as stuck up/snobby full of myself, narcissistic, stuck up etc., and also very unwelcoming to new people. Technically the second part is true as new people terrify me, but the first bit is very untrue.And the truth is, i just can't talk to everyone... not that i don't want to. I just need time to open myself to people. To relax and open up. I hate that I come off like that. When I do speak with people, I tend to be overly nice to compensate and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. People around me (except for the ones who truly know me) have always said that I come across as snobby, stuck on myself, and unfriendly..

I have been told that I seem snobby and it is because I don't speak up in groups where I am not comfortable. I have had people ask me if I thought I was better than others. This explains why I am having such a difficult time with this situation with this touchy feely "friendly" woman ginger. I thought I was doing a good job at appearing pleasant and likable. Even when I talk to other women AA group members I try to watch my tone of voice and sound cheerful. I am known as the biggest snob at work. Everyone always gets that first impression of me, and many keep that impression. The vast majority of people think I'm a "snob" or a upper middle class overdressed arrogant b*tch I know since the friends I've had over the years told me that after some time. People simply assume I must be a snob because I'm quiet. That doesn't even seem logical to me, but when being quiet is something that simply wouldn't occur to most people perhaps that's the next most logical conclusion.

I have been told that i look stuck up and arrogant.I have had the experience of women being jealous of me.I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well.I should not have to suffer for what I like because other women have low self esteem and don’t see the gifts they have within themselves.I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class. I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, i’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous – i said i was going shopping and she was like “really? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, i’d rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I wear high heels every day too.All the time. I like dressing well, and looking presentable.

I am physically stronger than this weirdo ginger, she is short and skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in sneakers. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. But i don’t want to turn this into an assault charge against me.

This woman who is in charge to sign my paper "card"(chair person) says that I am being overly sensitive about groping by this creepy ginger, that this isn’t necessarily a negative thing, to take it as a compliment. I am not sure if it’s because she(chair person) thinks that because it is female on female that somehow makes it okay. I don’t know? My breasts and butt are not public property. I kid you not, I have been groped, jiggled and, just about in every way imaginable, had my breasts handled by this repulsive ginger woman. She says that she just needs to "cop a feel". She says that my large cup size is an invitation. Also she randomly grabs and slaps my butt.Okay, so at first I thought it was just a little phase she was going through and could laugh about it. Now, I’m becoming so frustrated with her.

This woman "friendly" groper is so openly groping me and rubbing me in a joking/playful way in front of other women AA members. Most of these women just laugh. They are joking that i make stupid faces while she is groping me.
This ginger woman groper is well liked by these women AA members. Being well-liked there means there's more people on your side.
This woman the ginger considers herself "super-smart". She makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason.I have seen the ginger laughing with some malice at me, behind my back, when I ask questions that seem silly to her. She is very sarcastic. The other day she said to my face while squeezing my breasts that i am a stuck up cow and that my problem is that i feel i am from a higher class than other women AA members.She also will kind of...hold me from behind with her hands on my breasts very tightly in a way that I can't move, even when I'm trying to get away from her. The ginger says that because her face is at level with my breasts and I am rather large she finds touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting them comforting. She'll just grab them or lift them up when she's trying to be funny.Also she is CONSTANTLY slapping and rubbing my butt. It is so annoying. She acts like its all a big joke, laughs, etc. I make it clear I don't like it, but she acts like that's part of the joke, too.

I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious to being angry, but I've concluded that you can't deal with this kind of person.The ginger is always commenting that i am so tall big and soft. Should I tell my husband? I want to tell him but I am afraid that he might get mad at me or something. He is controlling and very jealous. I need someone to talk to.I just want someone to talk to. I don't really know who.I understand that I am being a wimp.

I'm going to need a picture to see for myself what you look like. ;)

You're basically being sexually assaulted. Talk to the police and see if they can place an undercover female officer in the group to help you.

Sexual harrasememt is sexual harrasememt. Period. You did the right thing in taking it to your "supervisor". She chose to blow other off which makes her complisate. You should first talk to a lawyer who specializes in sexual harrasememt cases to CYA. He will probably tell you to escalate within AA.
I'm not a lawyer, but I'm a manager Ina large corporate environment with over 10 yrs of Sexual Harrasememt training.

Youre in quite a predicament..takes guts asking for help from us perverts!

Neverthless..sounds like youre in an abusive cycle all around..husband sounds abusive toxic and the ginger lez also ...group members are likely to be intimidated rather them actually liking her.."better it happens to her than to me" kind of way.

She was likely abused herself..think most lesbiams were and with all abused people/traumstized..they unleash on others.

Being scared sucks. But. Louder your voice becomes..better it gets..more likely the abuse will decrease..

That advice about curling up and crying and playing the victim only makes it worse..abusers thrive on the weak.

Challenge is..how do you draw boundaries and stand up for yourself without them saying somethinf us wring with you and hokding it against you...especially with unhelpful chair..

And yes..as a reward to us when youre situation improves..we wanna see a picture!

You could also find a different AA group. And complain to the higher ups at AA.

Within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous.

I don't want my husband to found out of that situation with this ugly short skinny ginger groper woman. He is going to blame me. 5 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly. It has been a difficult journey for my husband, he can't seem to forgive me. My husband loses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me. I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel it could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and lose it. He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add). Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair. My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have. After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely). The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened. .

I am a straight woman, i love men, simple! I am straight and I am completely 100 percent straight. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually. I am STRICTLY hetero.Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. .

The biggest thing that is holding me back from slapping this awful ginger across her ugly freckled face are worries of getting rejected by the AA group or being looked at as a stuck up snob. "I mean she just wants to cop a feel, whats the harm in that", etc.I would hate for this to be the reason I stop going to these AA meetings. Most of these women AA group members think that i am arrogant, stuck up, upper middle class, overdressed snob. I'm often thought of as stuck up because I don't usually talk unless I have to. I get nervous just walking into a room and saying hello to everyone. I think that maybe I have a certain look on my face when people see me; I mean, to me it's my "I'm seriously nervous and uncomfortable" face, but to others I think it makes them feel like I think that I'm better than everyone. So everyone just thinks I'm stand-offish and an overall rude person who thinks way too highly of themselves.

I hate that I come off like that. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way. I have noticed, that at times I apologize for the size of my boobs. Some people might think that I am purposefully being provocative or displaying my cleavage, but that is hardly the case. Logistically, unless I wear a turtle neck, most blouses that I wear still show ; it is inevitable. There are dresses that I can never wear because, while on someone with smaller breasts it would look ok, on me it looks vulgar.

This issue of vulgarity isn’t something that I would have necessarily impressed upon myself, but rather the reaction that I get from people. I should pull my shirt up because I am about to have a nip-slip, even though my nips are firmly encased in my bra. I would love to wear strappy dresses with little triangle cups! I would love to wear certain shirts and blouses without something underneath for the sake of modesty (well, someone else’s idea of modesty not necessarily my own). The truth is I regulate a lot of what I wear so that people won’t take it as an invitation to touch, stare, or speak to or about my breasts.

“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.”

“To know your Enemy, you must become your Enemy.”

“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”

― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I would use your phone to record conversations between you and the old cair person and the groper and even your probation officer and take them to a lawyer. I would however check if yours is a one-party consent state, most states in the US are.

A lawyer would have a field day with something like this. These people are awful and need to be in jail.

I can't report this awful ginger midget woman to the police because i don't want my husband to find out about this. I don't want my husband to found out of this situation with this groper woman. He is going to blame me. The only reason i hesitate to tell my husband about my situation at AA with this woman groper is because of my affair he has lost trust in me. Deep down i would rather be with him and not have him know about that. I don't know what else to do. I feel like he can fully trust me but at the same time, having to regain his trust, however long that takes, at the end of the day I'm not entirely sure if it's worth doing. Since my affair i try to just keep quiet and not annoy him but I feel as if I have lost my husband and our previously close relationship will never be the same. My husband cannot forgive me.

We can have a great day, or a great week, or we can be just okay and getting along and then.... suddenly, out of the blue in my opinion, he's depressed, which causes or turns into anger, and he's lashing out at me, or snide remarks etc. When all I have been doing is being me, living our life, working, being mom, etc, meaning I haven't done anything wrong that day he lashes out on me, or even that week, etc. I just don't think it is fair that if he chose to stay in this relationship and if I am not doing anything wrong, I am being honest and a good wife and mom, I don't think it's fair that he can just be mean over something that happened 5 years ago that I cannot erase! I can never take it back, we can only move forward or really on be in today. I so desperately want to be able to help my husband heal but I am not sure how best to go about it. Am I doing the right things? I know I did wrong and people are right to judge me. He says he does still love me and wants to be with me. I do blame myself, I am the root of the cause and the problem. I am fully aware of that. It hurts and it sucks, it hurts him the most.

I agree with pulsarad. You need to speak to a lawyer. This is sexual harassment pure and simple. Your teacher or whatever you call her is enabling the freckle face.

If you are weak and you show yourself to be even weaker..your enemy can have a field day!

Sounds like you fell for a bad boy that you couldn't resist ..did he talk dirty to you..pull your hair ..spank you..things your husband didn't do? Did you do things you don't normally do with your husband? And is this making husband angry apart from the affair itself?

How old is your daughter? Could he have doubts that she is his?

5 years ago was the affair.. .hmm not that long ago...resentment is a real b*tch that takes a long time to get rid of..trust not gonna b the same

You should complain to local AA intergroup. They wouldn't like the way you're being treated. I'm in AA and we know that some people have to come for court purposes, I've never seen anyone harassed. And why do you have to attend a female only group? Fulfill you're obligation in another open and large meeting.

I'm surprised you're having to attend so many meetings based on one DUI, you sure there's no other legal history with alcohol incidents?

My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have a 14year old daughter! It was an four month affair from March 2013 until July 2013, and my husband and I were already talking about divorce, but he didn’t know I was having an affair.

I realized one day that I wanted to stay with my husband and that I did love him more than anything. I told the other guy that it was over.I told him that my family is too precious to lose and that I can't sleep with him anymore. I told the other guy that it was over and that I was going to confess all to my husband. I confessed to my husband. This guy, my affair partner, moved to another state in December 2013.

My husband wants to know all the details about everything, how many times we had sex, what other acts we did, where did we go, how big the other guy was, did I like it, did I orgasm, etc. Five years later he still asks all these things.

That was a very shameful time of my life, and I have blocked a lot of things, things I said to my husband, and feelings that I had toward the guy I cheated with, my feelings at the time. All I want to do is forget all of it but I can’t because my husband still has not moved past it.

I feel that I have done everything I can to try and rebuild his trust in me, to show not just say that I regret and will never do anything like that again, to show him that I love him and he is the most important person in my life. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 5 years.

I respond to him when he talks about it and asks questions, and I do my best to empathize with his feelings and reassure him that I love him and will be here for him even though there was a period when I was not. Nothing helps. I don’t know what I can do to help him through this. It has been 5 years, and this is still a massive wall in between us that I want to tear down, but he doesn’t seem to be able to allow it. He still cannot stop bringing it up.

People can forgive but cant forget..human nature to also want to know why someone was chosen over them.

4 Months is small compared to 16 years..but by itself..still a long time..16 weeks/112 days..!.not like it was a one night stand.

Whatever the reasons you chose him over your husband they were strong enough to have pushed you to the point of divorce and 16 weeks of sex with another dude..

And your husband knows that. So until he knows the reasons...he will never be quite sure if you wont do it again.It might not be a full blown affair but...Even a 1 night stand or kiss/bj might still be possible in his mind.

Another issue is whether he should have stuck around. Another discussion for another day.

Good luck on both ends.

bullshit
 

don't buy it

The only reason i still attend meetings at the same AA all female group is my husband doesn’t want me round other guys and i can’t tell him about this problem because he will say it’s my fault? Because of my affair my husband has lost trust in me. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings. Within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. So my husband is quite possessive and gets jealous very easily - if I look at another guy on he gets angry and says that I'm staring at other guys. I might look which is only natural but I don't look at anyone else 'like that' if you get me. I have an overwhelming amount of attention from men. As long as I remember….I've attracted men like crazy. Usually, it's always lust is why they are so drawn to me.

Four months ago I got cited for DUI with my daughter in the car when I bumped the car in front of mine coming to a stop. I blew high, and had a prior (with test refused) about 3 years ago, otherwise clean. I am not dependent on alcohol. I am required to go to 3 AA meetings a week for a year. ANYONE who has even had just a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and gotten behind the wheel of a car, can get a DUI. It is a myth that only "alcoholics" get DUIs. It can happen to anyone who ever drinks alcohol and drives. This woman chair person thinks that i am on a well deserved probation. Also this woman chair person is respected and well liked in the AA community on a regional level. She does have power over me. She can muck things up for me with my probation officer. The pressure this woman chair person is putting on me is really starting to stress me. She says I am not showing the neccessary commitment. She is pressuring me to go to meetings every day. This woman chair person tries to be friendly more and more, and this is stressful for me. This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? I am too scared to be dishonest about the attendance though.

I can drive with an ignition interlock device. I have to keep the ignition interlock for a total of 12 months. The device cost less than 200 dollars to have installed. The monthly cost is 65 dollars and it cost 20 dollars per month to have it recalibrated. I am responsible for returning the old device each month which costs 3 dollars. But, at least i can legally drive, and for that, i am grateful. .

I am mocked by this ginger groper awful midget woman for taking pride in wanting to look nice. I have received many comments from this woman ginger and other women group members such as, “You must have 5 closets at home,” etc. Also ginger often says to me that i am a stuck up overdressed rich stupid giant cow. She is rude and nasty towards me. I just feel like she is putting me down in front of other women group members and treating me like I am inferior. She is very sarcastic. She always comments on my clothes. She says that i wear too much make up and that i am always overdressed in flashy fancy clothes. This hideous woman ginger calls me stupid rich stuck up overdressed giant cow. I hate this because I feel like I am an easy target. This awful woman ginger seems to feel the need to constantly grope me. When she wants to interact with me, normally instead of speaking to me she'll walk up, and grab my boobs or ass straight off the bat. She is always grabbing my breasts, grabbing my butt and just rubbing on me in some way. I am standing and she walks up behind me and literally both of her hands are on my breasts and she is squeezing them , basically holding me tight to the point where I can barely move, and then as she lets go squeezes my butt. She constantly jiggles my breasts. She rubs my boobs and she comments on my boobs being squishy and soft. Also she pats and rubs my ass.

This is further underscored by the victim-blaming behavior of the other female participants in my AA group who should be my allies. It is bizarre because i am 5ft10 tall,curvy,well endowed,well built and always on high heels standing next to this old short skinny woman ginger i look like a giant.Because of that I am not taken seriously by other women AA group participants.Also this weird woman ginger doesn't look threatening. She is masculine, creepy and ugly but she is tiny,short and skinny older woman. .

Also i go on these AA meetings straight from work and i am always exhausted. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work.

It sounds like you and your husband have not gone to counseling by a professional. I get your husband's sense of betrayal but it is abusive in the extreme for him to constantly hold it over your head like this. Especially, if this was the only time you cheated, you expressed remorse, and you have made a good-faith effort to demonstrate that you will not do it again.

I think that not only would you need joint counseling, but he would need a separate counselor to just help him deal with this in general.

As to the AA meetings, I don't care whether it's a one-party or two-party state for recording purposes, you should go ahead and surreptitiously record these conversations. At the very least, you could play them back for your husband so that he could see why you cannot attend these particular meetings any more. If he doesn't understand THAT, then I don't see at all why you are still married to him -- and I would definitely understand why you had an affair in the first place.

I love my husband so much but feel like he is slipping further away from me everyday. I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. He resents me because i had an affair.

Because he is always moody he blames me for my affair and says I'm a 'b*tch'. 5 years ago I cheated. I have never cheated before. My husband and I struggled with communication. We had sex like once every 2 months for years. I felt like my life was passing me by. The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me atleast. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again.He is soooo angry still,I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

I can't talk to my husband about this situation with this ugly ginger midget groper woman. I feel like my husband moods tend to make the whole atmosphere change to his mood. I feel if he's in a bad mood I have to tip toe around him and worry my daughter is going to wind him up and cause him to be worse ( he has never physically harmed us), but I do feel like I live on egg shells. If I have ever been funny with him he makes me say sorry (in a slightly over the top belittling way).

I feel so nervous that even if nothing wrong but he ask me a question for example "Do you love me?" or something similar. He even tends to hold my hand or stay close when he's asking questions like this. My husband is always angry, he complains constantly, and makes me feel as though anything I do is inadequate. When he gets upset with me, he leaves the house. Not just for a few minutes, or to walk around, but for several hours. It upsets me like you wouldn't believe! The whole time I'm worried that something happened to him & worried if he'll come home. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I don't fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants.

Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something.


Most of other women AA members think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob. I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I work for a good company. I am good and competent at my job. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my AA all female group), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood.

I don’t feel like i can complain about this situation with this touchy feely awful ginger short skinny woman to my husband, as he will say it is all my fault. I have been conditioned to think everything is my fault by my husband and to let him walk all over me, so i might be doing it for every outward situation. The only reason i still attend meetings at the same AA all female group is my husband doesn’t want me round other guys and i can’t tell him about this problem because he will say it’s my fault? Also this woman chair person is respected and well liked in the AA community on a regional level. She does have power over me. She can muck things up for me with my probation officer.

What do you mean? Do you think that everything is my fault? Please be brutally honest?

You are with a deeply flawed guy. For the life of me, I don't see what you find appealing in him - either before or especially now. I find it hard to believe that the discovery of this affair was the beginning of his toxic and controlling behavior. You should take a look at a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. While it is ostensibly about how to recognized dangerous situations and protect yourself, it also covers how to recognize toxic and dangerous behavior by partners/spouses. You have a good job and seemingly do not depend on your husband for financial support. You should begin to consider how you can cut yourself loose from him.

The more I read this, the more convinced I am it belongs in the fiction section.

Dammit, sir, I like the way you think! You cut right to the heart of the issue...

Assuming that this is in fact non-fiction, it sounds like you are trapped by fear in your life; about this woman, your husband, and most any issue. You're staying in an untenable, unacceptable present because you are afraid of the future - no matter what happens, you will survive it, and only by going through some difficult next step(s) will you be able to change your circumstances. Without telling your hubby or recording the AA session or slapping your gropist or doing SOMETHING that feels drastic to you (but is what any of the rest of us would do) you won't get out of this endless loop of a prison.

I don't know what to think about the drinking and DUIs - something sounds fishy there, too. But it's not important to the story about letting yourself be groped or identified as the chicken on the bottom of the pecking order. Somehow you signal to other people that you're a doormat, and they're acting on it, including your husband who is abusive in his moods and threats and attitude.

I vote with H_P who says send us a "proof of life" pic. As a tall curvy mixed-race milf, we'll be kind, I promise you! :) But this reads like a humiliation fap-story...

I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been torturing me mentally.
He calls me a home wrecker. I just want a happily married life. I don't want anything from him except for him to be sensible.
Everything that goes wrong is now my fault. I have been married for 16 years and we have had a pretty rough marriage,lots of different problems that were not easy at all for me. My husband says"fuck you" to me. He has said this to me many times when he is frustrated with me or when we are in an argument. Each time I tell him that it is wrong to say that, it hurts me, and that I never swear at him. It hurts me so much that most times I cry myself to sleep. He very rarely apologizes for saying it. He's also demeaning and demanding, and has deliberately forgot important dates (birthday, anniversary, valentines day). The problem that I have is that I feel that I can not communicate with him about anything without him getting defensive or mad at me. He doesn't speak to anyone else this way.
Of course, if I agree with him about everything and just do everything that he asks then he's happy and everything is ok.

He won't. I'm sorry, but he won't. You've described a deeply insensitive man, who is keeping you down to keep you in his life - he is insecure and fears you'll leave, but he's making that happen by treating you this way. For your own mental health, and that of any children living with you (I can't remember if you have any), you need to leave him. After the shock sets in when you do, he'll say that he'll change, but it's a lie and a desperate attempt to hold onto you. At the very best, he'll be a better person for his next victim, er, partner.

The relationship you describe won't get fixed by therapy or his decision to change. He doesn't want to.

Then slap the groping little midget at the AA meeting!

Seriously - the stories you are telling are fucked up, and you shouldn't accept this kind of treatment.

If you're real :) No pic yet!

Nice tits..if thats you

advice
 

Hi Loretta, I have been thinking about your problems for a few days now. I think you should do a couple of things.

First, talk to your husband about your harassment problem. I think he'll probably not be too upset, actually. Firstly, why be angry? The problem would have been if you enjoyed the 'flirting' . If you tell him its a real problem and that you need his help / advice then its clear you dont want to cheat on him with ginger woman. Additionally, its not certain he is so upset about a woman anyway - thats at least how it is for me, women cant make me jealous, I wouldn't mind if my wife had sex with a woman. A guy is something else.... Let your husband think and let him come up with the suggestion of you going to a mixed AA group.

Also, it doesn't seem like your marriage is that great. Probably, if you end up splitting you will find yourself in a better relationship sooner rather than later. But I know breaking up can be hard, I just think you wont regret it after a couple of years. From what you say about it always having been rough I think your reluctance to break up is more due to your psychological blocks against breaking a relationship rather than a cold calculation on what would make you happier in the long run.

Secondly, you are in the US, you should contact a lawyer and ask for help - you could get money and put some people in place.

And finally, from your description of yourself and the look of your profile pic I really think you should post some nude selfies as a 'thank you' to this group. Its mandatory when you use an amateur porn forum as advisory board ;) (but don't tell your husband :) )

time to lawyer up
 

I agree with the others - you need a lawyer. And a marriage counselor. Though I don't know if even a good counselor could help save your marriage, it might be beyond repair. Sorry, but that's the brutal truth the way I see it. A good lawyer can help with the harassment situation. If this were a work place occurrence, lawyers would be falling over themselves to represent you. And I'm sure the same harassment rules would apply to the AA meetings. Plus they could help you deal with the potential probation fall out should that occur. Honestly, if you clocked the woman upside the head once while she grabbed your boob, I almost think you could claim self defense.


That being said, I'm very curious. You said you're not attracted to women, not even a little bit. Yet here you are on a web site dedicated to women. What brought you here?

It's not. http://www.lazygirls.info/Nicole_Pan...rt=most_viewed

I think it's time to move this to fiction or trash.

Ha ha.

Naughty naughty Loretta...hmm

Wonder what sort of punishment she should get for this!!?? Somebody tell that midget to squeeze and pinch those nipples harder and spank her till those cheeks are blushing!

Anyways..moving on

Time I think to close this.