Safe Word
 

Do you and your partner have a safe word?

When you're going for it and having a full on session of passion, getting carried away, do you have a safe word to draw the line or just roll with the action?

Given the things we get up to, and the fact that it's often with third parties whom we don't know as well, we ALWAYS have a safeword - usually two, i.e. Red to stop and Yellow to slow down/back off that action/change to something else.

It's just good practice, and common courtesy in today's world!

When we're alone together?
 

No...Unless you consider "No, don't do that" a kind of a safeword! We watch each other. Our bodies tell us what we need to know.

If we're with someone else? Of course we'll have a safeword.

no
 

Not so much now. But when my wife and I were first dating, then married, we did. She likes light bondage and spanking. Part of the excitement for her was resisting and saying no, stop, etc. So we had a word then. Now, we’ve been together so long that I know her boundaries and she trusts me to get to the edge, but not go over.

No doesn't always mean no
 

When I first started having sex with a new girlfriend many years ago, she didn't come the first couple of times. The third time (our first time in a bed) I knew I had her - her eyes got as big as saucers, and she kept whispering no - no - no until she came really hard. Later I asked her about it and she wasn't aware that she said that, and that I had better NOT stop fucking her just before she comes regardless of what comes out of her mouth.

Just to clarify - it's not that we can't speak english, but if you're doing role-playing or with someone who likes to "resist" by saying no and fighting back, then a safeword is the logical way to ensure that you have consent even when the other party is calling for the cops or you to die in a fire or whatever. Not something that everyone feels the need to do or has the imagination to play around with such topics, but for those that do, and for the education of the greater populace, a safeword is now mainstream.

Then you should be able to recognize distress....if your "role play" is too deep w/ bondage & resistance , etc....you shouldn't be playing if you don't know the real situtation to react.......

But I never saw a problem in a "code" word if thats what you need...

I disagree, GRITS.
In the throws of passion, depending on the scenario being played out, roleplay, submissive, subservient, dominant, sexual boundries, BDSM, S&M, edging, any sexual act that is pushing the normal play to another level, then there should be a word not commonly used between the agreeing parties involved.

It just makes a clear indication that the line has been drawn and to step back.

YES
 

Yes, i SAID there is no problem w/ a safe word if you need it......... my point was that if your playing like that,,, you "should" be able to recognize distress... otherwise maybe think about not playing that was untill you know the ropes better....

We get your point, we just disagree. I know that bothers you but let it go, man. And please stop shouting!

Having been on the scene for many years, we have witnessed and been involved in lots of scenarios and situations. To the uninitiated, or onlookers, it may appear someone is in distress, when in actual fact they are comfortable with what is happening.

Then again, there are a lot of plastic swingers/players/fetish and BDSM participants and so on, that do it for the glory of having a trophy wife who is coerced and put into situations they don't want to be in, yet go through the motions with a smile on their face to please their partners, which can lead to they plays ending in ugly situations and arguments due to a lack of communication.

Safe words, for us, are just there for the safety of each other and a line not to cross and keep communication clear.

Safeword = Stop, back off, gather yourselves and keep each other happy.

Obviously GRITS and his friends don't play BDSM situations. In straight/bi/swinging situations, plain english is all you need. "No means No!"

In BSDM or Sub/Dom scenarios, a safe word is absolutely necessary.

DR

Sorry,, not yelling.... sometimes I type wrong and hit caps by accident as you can see w/ the i...


We do plat bdsm, but probably in a lighter way then whats being refered to on this thread....

I agree that - indeed depending on the intensity of the sexual act - a safe word is a very useful tool.

My fiancée has a masochistic side and occasionally enjoys being dominated - to the degree of abuse. It makes her cum harder for some reason. I go along with it for her pleasure. It has involved me throwing her on the floor or over the couch, pulling her pants off or dress up; and pounding while choking her while she feigns resistance. If she gets really excited she'll insult me or be combative; with the objective of getting me to be even more physical. Because of my physical strength it's easy for me to get carried away; hence the need for a safe word.

Safe Word
 

My wife and I have spent a lot of time exploring BDSM. She truly loves pain as part of her sexual experience. We do not dabble in humiliation, all of my scenes are centered around pain and/or fear. Part of our exploration included identifying her limits. How can you know your limit if you do not exceed it? If you can't see the line, you don't know where to stop. Make sense? A safe word is an absolute must if you are pushing boundaries. We never play with others, as BDSM (for us) is very, very personal. She has absolute trust in me; trust that I will not hurt her while inflicting as much pain as she can tolerate. We use two very simple, easy to remember words. Yellow and red. Yellow means slow down. I like what you are doing, but I am close to my limit. Give me a breather, then resume. Red means stop immediately. You have reached or exceeded my limit. Part of what makes it exciting is seeing how far she can go. Once I learned her limits, she almost never uses anything other than yellow.

I'm going to try to be very clear and concise with this post. I've never gotten fully into the BDSM lifestyle and I've never gone to any sort of club or meet-up for this lifestyle or fetish. This was some rougher sex that I engaged in with a woman for a short period of time.

When I and this woman talked about experimenting with rougher sex, we immediately understood that because we are in this lifestyle we should take some precautions, so we developed a safeword the safe word was "Kirby" in reference to the video game character.

We selected him because it's something we'd both immediately recognize and since Kirby is not a human character he can't be sexualized so hearing his name immediately allowed me to bring things to an immediate stop.

We also developed other things for her to do if she couldn't speak (such as her being gagged or face fucked). My nipples, while they are sensitive, do not give me sexual pleasure, so pinching my nipples will immediately give me a very unpleasant sensation, so I understood that if she were reaching for my nipples to immediately stop.

Also if she could not reach my nipples, I told her to bite my penis, not hard and certainly not enough to draw blood but hard enough to be unpleasant and I told her I would immediately stop put my hands behind my back and allow her to gather herself and either continue or stop.