Trying to understand
 

I do everything I can to please my boyfriend , I will masturbate in front of him , give him a blow job any time make dirty movies for him . It hurts me inside that he would rather download movies and look at other girls. It makes me feel like I can't please him. I just don't know what to do. I feel like im not good enough

Sounds to me like you are the perfect girlfriend! I know a lot of women have a hard time understanding why we men do the things we do, but don't take it personal. We just love naked women & we want to see them all. My wife is super hot & I crave her sexually all the time. She is not nearly as giving as you are, which sucks for me, but I still fantasize about her all the time even when I'm looking at porn. Maybe if she were more giving I wouldn't look at it as much, but I'd still be looking - it's just embedded in our dna to want to see every girl naked - excluding moms, sisters, & family members!

It's not you
 

Guys will look at pictures and videos of naked girls (or guys). Period. It's how we are wired.

It doesn't mean you aren't pleasing him. He may be embarrassed to talk about some of the things that turn him on, or he may be so horny that he needs a quick release from time to time. He may do it to get ideas for things he wants to do with you or even so he can last longer when you are fooling around.

He's been doing it since before he met you, and will be doing it for as long as he is able.

It isn't an either/or thing.

The worst thing you can do is make it an issue. I suggest you have fun with it. Ask him to show you something that he thinks is really hot. Look at the porn together, not in a judgemental way, but have fun picking out a fantasy you can do together.

The hottest thing a guy can hear in this situation is his girl saying, "that looks like fun, let's try it!"

Whatever you do, don't ask him if he thinks a particular girl is hotter than you. That will totally kill the mood.

Good luck

Get over yourself, stop making it about you. If anything, your rant is about your own insecurity. Insecurity is what drives guys away.

Guys need a variety of spice. They need eye candy. It does not mean that they want relationships with others or that they are leaving you. It is the nature of man. Too many women think they have to be the center of everything as if they are so worthy of praise, especially American women. Relax a bit, get secured with yourself, and have some fun. Do what you like to do. But if this does not help then learn the art of seduction. Lean how to seduce and you will be the one in control in your relationship.

Hell, that's just about the hottest thing a guy can hear from his girl, period.

Green you are the perfect partner. The others already told you how us males are programmed. I've been married forever to a woman who does everything I fantasize and talk about. Yet I have never stopped looking and fooling with other women.
Keep being yourself and enjoy your games with your boyfriend.

Originally Posted by jacksonhole
The hottest thing a guy can hear in this situation is his girl saying, "that looks like fun, let's try it!"


This right here is the best suggestion yet. Try it!

Post some pictures on this website for him to find!

Hello Green
 

Looks like men have responded (there are women on this board too) with honest posts.

Seriously, do NOT take it personal. ALL guys have and look at porn. I've seen porn on a preachers computer, and yet he had a pretty hot looking wife. Its a visual thing, not a personal thing - and can also lead to more sex or ideas.

My wife knows I have porn, look at porn and even posting on this site and uploaded a recent nude photo of her here as well. Why? Because we are very honest with each other, and we love each other. No porn or other women can make me lose interest in her. I've had sex with other women that she knows about - hell, she was in the same room / building.


So give him his porn space, maybe suck him off while he's watching internet porn.

BTW: Why call it "dirty movies"? Unless you are doing something with dirt or poo... its just sex. :) To call it "dirty" is degrading to yourself... and hopefully you are enjoying the videos you make for him.


Now the very opposite and worse I've seen happen to a married guy is this: His wife as installed some sort of porn-blocking software on his computers. *HE* cannot look at any porn... she's treating him like a child, she has password-locked security software that does this? WTF? I would dump her so fast. But that is *HIS* problem, not mine.

As long as you both care about each other and having good sex... enjoy it.

One more opinion.....
 

Sometimes we guys are looking at the internet to fanaticize about sex that we could never ask the women we love to indulge in. There are acts that I love imagining my wife doing, but I would never ask her to do. Porn is rarely real people ---it is mostly actors and actresses performing other peoples fantasies.

Dollie speaks
 

Someone wrote there should be a woman's side of this. My husband and I both think there have been some great replies here. This is a great site to share and to learn.
My husband has gotten me to do way more in my lifetime than I would have ever done on my own or with another man if I was married to another. Still Denny looks at pictures here and other places of every type porn and sex act there is.
He does not really look at a lot porn compared to his friends. It never has bothered me. In fact when he or his friends mentioned things I'd look too. I've learned things from it and I'm sure that's where he got a lot of his ideas.
We are happy and I still try to act out his fantasies. He'll never stop looking at other women or stop looking at porn or whatever you want to call it.
Years ago we went together to adult movies and even fooled around while dirty old men watched and commented. It's what men do. Us women need to enjoy watching and performing our own porn. It's not really dirty. It's being human and loving life. Okay this didn't make any sense but I tried.

There are a lot of comments here, some to take on board and others to ignore completely!

There are a couple of things going on here - all men look at porn. If they say they don't, they are lying. So it's not logical to be upset by the fact that he looks at other naked women. You may as well hope for humans to not breathe.

BUT a lot of men are jerks about the way they do it, the amount that they do, or the way they treat YOU outside of porn. Porn that accents or augments a healthy relationship isn't a problem. If he's viewing porn INSTEAD of having healthy sex with you, then it's absolutely a problem. It's up to you to decide where that line is and up to him to be respectful of you. If you like watching it together, great! If you don't like porn, then he should be discreet about it and not throw it in your face. He shouldn't view it while you're around or leave his masturbatory leavings (lube, tissues, etc) around on the desk or wherever. He should know that porn is not reality - not all cocks are huge, not all women like to be spit on or hammered away at like a robot, not all women like to be choked or played with roughly, etc. If he knows the difference, then it's not a problem. If the only sex he can have is selfish and/or brutal or disrespects your desires, then it's a problem.

But in most of these situations the porn itself isn't the problem. But it can hide bad attitudes or emotional laziness or lack of respect.

If you spend some time with the ideas above and unpacking what you think is going on in your specific situation, then perhaps it'll help reduce the feelings of rejection that you are struggling with. Only you can say if he's right for you or if the porn is the issue. But it's terrific that you're asking the right question and seeking input!

Cate speaks
 

As a female this is great and I agree with 99% of it. I don't think A LOT of men are jerks about it. There are some that are and some that are not. You need to find out where you fit into his porn and IF it that part is where you want you want it to be. The best advise is to communicate with him. All things can be fixed or at least understood with communication. :)

The members of this site never cease to amaze me with their sound advise and council.

Xenophile was spot on in his remarks and there is no need to expound on them further.

If we cut to the quick, I think your feelings are perfectly valid and you need to know that. I suspect that you have serious concerns about your partner's objectification of women, you in particular. In other words, the revelation that your husband enjoys porn is yet another symptom of a larger problem. If I am right, sex has become less and less of a mutually enjoyed and love affirming activity. Perhaps i might even go as far to say that it has begun to feel cheap, and the fact that he views other women and is excited by them, cheapens what you are to him.

You need to feel emboldened by your support here. Openly and honestly discuss your issues with him. I hope you discover that he is very similar to the majority of us. Porn is a benign activity that is hard wired into the male animal, a decidedly visual sexual beast. For most men, the visual is equal to the tactile. If you, unfortunately, uncover that he is an objectifier then we need to have another discussion.

He like ENF so I will download it myself to play when I give him a blow job .

I make videos of myself in the bathtub and touching myself in bed and random things . Laughing naked. I will get on top of him and masturbate naked .

I am 5'2 redhair blue eyes very busty .

I cook dinner for him naked . I offer blow jobs every single time and swallow .

I don't know any man (or most women!) who wouldn't find your description to be perfect, ideal and the highest goals to ever hope for! He still might look at other physical types of women (remember - men like variety!) but so long as he demonstrates to you that you are a wonderful addition to his life, and he goes to similar extremes to make YOU happy in other ways, then hes doing okay!

But if he's taking all of these gestures and efforts from you and not giving back to you, with love and support and respect and pleasure, then he doesn't sound like anyone who deserves you.

Giving of yourself is healthy and good and loving. But your partner should also be doing the same, in whatever way they know how. If they just take and don't give back, they aren't really loving you.

I guess maybe that is the thing. We have been together for 2 years he won't even finger me . I always perform for him but no matter how much I give and try I feel like he doesn't want me sexually.

He wont have intercourse with me im only allowed to give him blow jobs .

I have to touch myself he watches and encourages it but he wont help.

And with that...
 

You have some thinking to do...

Looking at porn and what *HE* does are different. I finger, eat, love my wife all the time. I'll rub or pat her butt when walking by. I'll touch or hold her in bed... we've been together for a few years.

You sound like a great gal, you're out to please (but also - the things you do, make sure YOU enjoy them too)

Really consider finding someone else... or talk with your BF about the unfairness and other issues.
If you cannot talk to him about these things, then you have problems in your relationship... it will fail.
If he doesn't properly have sex with you and give you intimacy - your relationship will be miserable, until it fails.
If he DOESN'T make any effort to fix his issues, get help, or anything that would improve the relationship - then leave.

How old are you? 20years or 40 years old... don't waste your time with a man who won't eat you out.


PS: Don't be naked 24/7. It kind of hurts the fantasy of opening presents... or to take a peak.

This is much different than your 1st post. He has some serious problems. I commend you for trying so hard but he isn't meeting you half way or even trying by the sounds of it. It seriously IS NOT you it is truly him. You also need to bolster your self esteem to see this situation for what it is. Either he gets some help (counselling) fast or you move on. You're going no where fast with this dud.

This place might be more helpful, honestly. http://www.reddit.com/r/deadbedrooms

This really makes me sad. I've been with the female equivalent of such guys - it's a completely horrible, depressing life given how it destroys your sense of self-worth. Now I'm with a woman who celebrates sex, with me, and with others that she brings home. It's like night and day. I will never go back to someone who doesn't embrace giving me pleasure.

You can do much better than this guy. I don't care where you live, or how old you are. There are men (or even women!) who will treat you much better.

Strength.

Appears that we now have the truth. He's an objectifier......you are but a means to his sexual ends....

Worse still, he is a controlling objectifier....

I've been following this thread without comment but this got to me. You've heard the expression, "He's a keeper". Well, in your case, "He's a dropper". Get out of this, I can't call it a relationship, and find yourself another guy who will treat you like a human and a woman and not like an live object from his sad computer screen.

Hey there!
 

There's a real weird mix of psychology at work here.

If this guy is actually straight, and won't have anything to do with your pussy, after two years, then something else is going on.

If it's about objectification of women, or if he has no respect for you in particular, then it doesn't explain being sexual but abstaining from your vagina!

Maybe he's trying to force himself to have straight feelings (there's a lot of control at work) or maybe there are religious reasons he hasn't previously shared.

Maybe he has another girl for sex, and treats you like shit out of guilt.

In any case, you're not his problem. If you do care for him, then you might want to consider the possibility that continuing to serve him like this only makes his problem appear acceptable.

To either of you.

Dumping him might be the best thing for him. If not him, then definitely sounds like it would be the best thing for you.

Cause seriously...
 

...he won't even do something like 'anonymous' doggie, with a couple pumps to get himself off!

That's the crazy thing I can't see past.

My money's on gay, or five years in therapy talking about his mother.

Cook naked for someone who'll lick your bum while you're trying to concentrate on chopping carrots :)

There's one word I haven't seen in the replies yet: intimacy. An important part of what we get from sex is that feeling of being intimate and sharing pleasure with someone else. Not just "I give" or "I take", but we do something that makes us feel more connected. You are not getting that from your bf. You have to tell him that, and express it like "this is how it makes me feel". It may take a few tries for him to understand, and if he doesn't it's time to move on to a healthier place.

Lots of great comments here. But I believe this is the one you should follow.--^^^-- It's sad but the guy is either gay or has other reasons beyond your control. You deserve way better considering your own feelings about sex and life.

Alicia it sounds like you have a similar situation and you yourself are a very sexual sensual lady. For you it may be too late to get out. But this is just another reason for green to act soon or suffer a life of being used and abused without love or real sex for the next 34+ years.

WORST advice ever...
 

ARE YOU KIDDING!!! Learn to accept it!?!?! REALLY!!!!!! A woman needs to be LOVED!! You are telling her to learn to be used!! Don't worry about the age... this woman can find a man that will truly LOVE her and cause her to feel needed rather than be a toy to be used and abused and then kicked to the curb by this jerk!! Men are NOT all the same any more than women are. She has a LOT BETTER choices than to endure life without the love she deserves in life! I say, pursue your options and if/when you find a good man, DUMP this turd ASAP!! Good Luck for future happiness! EVERY woman deserves a better life than you currently are enduring ! :):):)

Its been almost a month... how's it going?

Anyone guessing.... same thing as before?