Back In '15
 

Everyday events that don't happen every day.

1."There is no fucking way you are sticking that in me!"

2.Eddie now realized he'd have to be more truthful to his GF about the true definition of 'a swinger.'

3.Hearing her BF and his wife arguing in the next room.Linda makes good her escape.

4.After watching her for several minutes.Pete admitted to himself that his new GF was a real airhead.

People...They're the worst!
 

1. You can lead this blond to water, but you can't make her drink... like a dog....
2. Unless you promise her she'll appear in "I love You Funny Face" (She must be a publicity hound) woof!
3. "Fuck you, Brian!" ( She's not cooking tonight.)
4. "Fuck you, Brian!" ( She doesn't want to go to McDonald's either)
5. "Fuck her, Brian!" ( After Brian takes her to the best place to eat in town and shoe shopping after. Brian has this marriage thing down)
6. "I have chosen...wisely!" Giggle giggle... (Kim just saw "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" after eating mushrooms.)
7. Mindy is practicing for a spot on "America's Got Talent." Is it not "talent" to stand on one's head and fart the national anthem?
8. Dan really shouldn't take his shoes off in the house.
9. "Hi Mom and Dad. Good to see you! We're are just finishing up here and will be with you in a minute. Sit down. Relax!" (This isn't quite what "open marriage" used to mean)
10. "You can just take a time out in the corner, missy!" ( A scene from the new movie: "50 Shades of Preschool" )

One fine day in the middle of the afternoon
 

More and More

1. Becky reluctantly had to explain to her BF that she had crabs.

2."I suppose now you want me to play with your bagpipes too."

3.Annie loved the idea of being with The Bluegirls musical group. But wasn't overly fond of the costume they'd picked out for her.

4."Seriously,Officer. I thought strip searches were only done at the station."

Klingons on Uranus
 

1. You make the call: Is Captain Kirk finally getting head from an original 1960s Klingon, or is this just an unfortunate makeup job?
2. " Uh, hi Honey...you're home early I see... So, uh...what's going on here is...this pizza delivery guy and I were playing Twister when an ACTUAL twister blew through the house...yes, right through the house! It tore all of our clothes off. So...this isn't how it looks...really."
3. Behind every beautiful woman there is... some dude with a hard on.
4. "You had your fun and here's your souvenir panties...now get out of here and let me wash my shame away."
5. "Coming to this manicure and cunnilingus spa was a good idea, Julie. Tomorrow I'll treat for lunch."
6. How to sign "Come fuck me" to your hearing impaired lover.
7. Just seconds after hearing the key turn in the lock she remembered that this wasn't her husband's bowling night after all.
8. Some couples just belong together...perhaps not in civilized society...but together.
9. How to tell your boyfriend is an alien...The date stamp on your nude photos imply a whole lot of missing time episodes.:eek:
10."Helloooooooo kitty!"

Funny faces

Post-Valentine's Day Stress Syndrome
 

1. Without Patrick Swayze sitting behind her, it just isn't the same. On the other hand...how do we know he isn't there?
2. How to tell your Girlfriend is an alien: Colorful antennae is a dead give away.
3. The plumbers daughter?
4. When you buy beef jerkey at Swig Central, you get something nice to do your jerking to.
5. She didn't get roses or chocolates from you yesterday, so this is what you get.
6. She's surprising him with a new motorcycle. He doesn't know he's about to find the keys.
(It's a female variation of the old hide the engagement ring in the candy trick)
7. Awwww...she's making sure her widdle dwunk fwiend stays hydrated! What a pal!
8. What are the odds she's thinking about ME right now? The odds are THAT LOW huh?
9. Alien women hide a third hand in their armpits... just so they can feel themselves up at drive in movies.
10. Cat: "Damn...I thought someone opened a can of tuna!"

Bad Hair Day
 

The first woman is doing the cute Hair Moustache trick. The second woman tries the same...but apparently she has BAD hair. Has anyone got scissors? :eek:

a handful

One chilly Ash Wednesday
 

As is.

1.Having exhausted all her local dating services.Vicky decides more drastic action is needed to meet new men.

2.Tony was quite amazed.He'd heard about The Wild Girl of the Backwoods.But this was the first proof of her existence.

3.Finally realizing just how dense her boyfriend was.Linda literately had to show him what she wanted him to do.

4.Even Rene was suspect about her Doctor's approach to clearing her sinus blockage.

More of the same but different
 

Left to Right You know the drill.

1."No,mam. the orgy is next door.This is the Fineman Anniversary party.Your the 3rd person to ask that."

2."No,sir. You can't buy our bicycle seats after the race."

3."Hi,Honey.Sorry to interrupt your day out with your girlfriends.When your finished,I'd like you to meet my lawyer. He will be handling our pending divorce."

4."Hi,Bill.Haven't seen you since our messy divorce.Did I mention I'm fucking your new boss? We get along just fine......Yes I KNOW she is female."

The same of of it all the same of it more
 

Yep.

1."Cancel my...pant. 3:30 meeting...grunt.And call my husband....ahhhhh. And tell him I'm running late."

2.Mrs. Phills's 'naked airplane' imitation was definitely the hit of the office party.

3.Having explored the area thoroughly. The two EPA officials finally found the source of the oil leak.

4."Oh,I'm sorry,Honey.I have to cancel our lovemaking session tonight.My boss has another client he wants me to impress.You don't mind do you?"

Not according to plan
 

Sometimes things just go wrong.

1."Oh,thank god.Your only the maintenance man. I thought you might be a burglar."

2.The photographer had to admit it was the best 'wardrobe malfunction' picture he'd ever had the privilege of taking.

3.Bill was seriously wondering if his wife was gradually losing interest in him.

4."You have to be more careful,Mam.This is the third time this week you've called the Fire Department about an impaled object."

Hump Day Happenings
 

Another typical Wednesday that isn't typical...

1."It's harder to play our version of Ring toss if you can't get it up,Steven."

2."I think the left one does weigh more.Could you check it for me?"

3."You see,dammit. I told you your car keys weren't in there."

4."Seriously,Sweetheart. What gives you the impression I'm cheating on you?"

5."I understand you have a job to do,officer. But couldn't we do the strip search in some place a little more private?"

Laugh it up, fuzzball...
 

1. " Fear of Facials" or FAF is a complicated disease that affects thousands of American women every year.
2. To help find a cure for FAF please send as much money as you can...to me...tonight...I'll see what I can do to help those poor women.
3. No, this isn't the "Girls Caught Peeing" thread...this is the "Pissed Off Wife Is Just About To Break That Fuggin' Camera" thread.
4. Aargh! Be ye an unimaginative sea farin' man? Then ye might be sayin' somethin' cliche like : "Thar she blows!"
5. Say what you want about pink teddy bears...but they get a lot more pussy than you do.
6. Hey...Hay...HAY! Get it?
7. Ken's father owns a major league baseball team. He gets all the doubleheaders scheduled that he wants.
8. When your wife is a gynocologist you usually don't think twice when you visit her office and see her hands up another woman's skirt...
9. ...OK...Time to think twice!

He who laughs... lasts
 

1. How many couples do yiu see? This is how sex looks after a head injury.
2. When a woman marries a jealous knife shop owner...or...who needs a chastity belt?
3. A new study...too many facials makes your eyebrows grow in thick.
4. If you're the guy who just facialized her and she's about to sneeze...you might want to stand back...or get a bit of your own medicine.
5. The Beverly Hills Cum Diet has many more enthusiastic fans than the g****fruit diet had.

the thread that brings a smile thanks;)

Ladies of sports: Tennis Lessons
 

1. Making faces at the ball really helps your return vollies go where you want them. The goofier expression the better.
2. Of course when your tampon slips out in the middle of play...a goofy face is assured.
3. Her volly is sure to be accurate.
4. VERY accurate.
5. "Whoa, dude...who put the acid in my Gatorade?"
6. Sara Errani makes a lot of funny faces when she plays...
7. "You laugha my face? You no laugha Italiano player...I fixa you good!"
8 Sara stews for a while at your insulting behavior.
9. Then she decides what to do...and lets out a wild growl..
10. "I'm a gonna manja your girlfriend!"

A few more...
 

1. Even during his swinger days Gridiron George was always acting as "Head" Coach. (Or...behind every woman giving head there's a fat guy watching. Fortunately this is hardly ever true.)

2. "Emily...If we're going to catch the pantie thief we need the proper bait." ( Joe was a master baiter.)

3. No one likes a sand martyr.

4. Two thirds of this picture is erotic...one third disturbing...you decide what's what.

TGIF
 

Yes it is.

1."Damn,Molly.Your bush was a little thicker than I thought."

2.Cheryl couldn't quite put her finger on it.But there was something strange about the new cat her husband had bought.

3.Joe wasn't sure just what the carjacker wanted.But he had a feeling it wouldn't be so bad.

How relationships change over time... 5 2 1
 

1 " Honestly, I only slept with 5 men before I met you... but you're the only man I ever truly loved. "

2. "I was a widdle drunk tonight and I shlept with 2 of your friendsh...shorry!"

3. " You have 1 hour to pack your shit and get out of this apartment, asshole!"

1. Caught red handed trying to sneak a crotch shot...Jimmy the voyeur wasn't anticipating a one eyed sleeper.
2. "She came in throoough the bathrooom windoooow" (Beatles fans know what I mean)
3. HISS! "I am The Devil! I am Satan! See my horns and glowing red eyes! Worship me, you puny humans!" (More cute than frightening)
4. The worst/best thing about technology is that Jimmy the voyeur always seems to have a camera handy at the worst/best times.
5. The Livingroom Nude Olympics is a big deal in the midwest.
6. Jimmy throws sand at his friend's big sister. Big sister moves to avoid getting hit. Jimmy has a camera ready. Crotch shot!
7. Sara Maclachlan's newest hit..."Your cock...is better than ice cream. "
8. Is she about to suck a rock hard cock or a cock hard rock?

:):)

The way it is
 

Coeds have come home and found a roommate has borrowed clothes, but when one finds a roomate in her lingerie drawer, well...
Lucy's got some 'splainin' to do.

Sequential fun
 

So the brunette poses with a blond and says...

1. "This is my BFF, Gina. I just love her! We share EVERYTHING!"

2. "Of course she never shares any of her chocolate with me."

3. "But she's happy to share her boyfriends...and the boyfriends seem happy about that too! "

More sequential fun
 

So a cute French Milf goes to bed...

1. "Oh great God of OCC...I worship you! Please grant that I can replace Sexxygurl as the OCC One Click Chick."

2. "YOU'RE NOT WORTHY!"

3. "Wow...Alex doesn't say much, but when he speaks, people around here listen!"

A few more because it's Monday. Laugh dammit!
 

1. "YOU are a dickhead! That's all you are...and all you'll ever be!" ( A dickhead ought to know his place)

2. Just say no to vampires.

3. If you are the guy using cheesy limes to pick up these two MILFs...this gesture is either a very good or a very bad sign. Probably bad.

4. Nymphos (sometimes) get lonely and desperate too.

5. After getting too drunk at the after prom party, Nancy finally started to wake up when she felt what seemed like a pleasant warm rain...

New product for lesbians
 

There's a new female pheromone product out that's like catnip to lesbians. It's manufactured by Vandelay Industries and it's called "Pussimone." Here are just some of it's possible applications...

1. Smear a little "Pussimone" on your bathtowel...
2. It's guaranteed to get you wet all over again!
3. Use "Pussimone" as a toothpaste. You're mouth will tingle with its clean, refreshing, erotic taste.
4. Spray "Pussimone" all around the house for good health. Researchers say a constant state of arrousal is good for your heart.
5. Unfortunately, if you're a lesbian, "Pussimone" is not recommended for use around males. It attracts them like flies.

So go out and get a gallon of "Pussimone" today!
From the good folks at Vandelay Industries

I love this concept.Very funny.

A picture tells a story
 

Fun with Janette
 

Everyone loves this French sex goddess...here's some fun moments from her amateur porn career.

1. "OK...I give you ten pictures, but only nine jokes...because this isn't so funny...unless you see the joke...keep looking..."
2. "Fuck you? No...fuck me!"
3. " I think this picture is very ironic."
4. "When my boyfriend said he wanted to 'take a tumble with me' I really thought he wanted to fuck!"
5. "Hmmm...I should have spread my legs a little wider..." ( We are always our own worst critics)
6."What do I have in my hand? Nothing! No, I wasn't masturbating...I swear!" (Her nose is growing)
7."Now where did it I put that spoon? I had it before I sat down to talk on the phone..."
8."I just love the 70s!"
9. What goes on here?
10. "Ghost in Oblivion has inhabited my body... and he intends to fully enjoy himself!" (If I were her, I'd wanna fuck myself)

Random events happening randomly
 

Day to Day happenings.

1.While he felt the cost for the room was a little high.Warren thought that the maid service was first rate.

2.Diane's 'Keep the customer interested' sales technique.Made her one of the top car salesmen at the dealer.

3."You know,Mike. It really hurts when you think I'm out fooling around on you."

4."Damn,Nancy.When you said you now had some big coconuts.I thought you'd gotten breast enhancements."

More fun with Janette
 

Because she's a fun French girl...

1. "Moi? You zink I am zee Funny Girl? Do you zink my nose is bigger zan Barbara Streisand? But I am zexier...no?"
2. "I am zee Zundance keed! Zee me danzing? I am waiting for my lesbian friend, 'Butch' Cassidy! Do you geet eet?
3. "I give zee better footjob zan Doctor Scholls! "
4. "I am Jack Nicholson in Zee Zhinning...Heeeere's Johnny!"
5. "Oh! You did not hear zat, I hope...American chili and zee French Fries iz no good for me!"
6. More ironic humor.
7." If I conzentrate I can pull myzelf up in zee air by zee breast power..."
8."Mirror mirror on zee wall... Who is zee fairest French person of all time? Me? Or Jacques Cousteau?"
9." I zee you doing zee mazturbation, you fat boy leeving in your mamma's bazement. I won't tell her if you zend me lots of money. "
10. "I must get zee rest, but my pusswa is always, how you say...focused."

Note: No actual French persons were harmed during the making of this post

The French Connection
 

"Zo Janette....I zee that like moi you are a beautiful femme Francaise who likes zee zex....how would you like to make zee menage a trois with moi and Ghost In Oblivion. Yez...he is zee ghost but zee two of uz can zurely bring him back to life, no?"


You bet they could!:)

Laughs From The Past
 

Yes, they had humor and sex back then.

1. "Mildred...in looking over the list you made up of things we needed to bring...you omitted men and clothes." (Mildred is sneaky that way)
2. Just say no to Nazis.
3. Judith thought she had crabs...but it was only a lobster.
4. Certainly NOT for reproduction...in fact my guess is this is as far as she let THAT GUY get.
5. "Hey...yo! Handsome! You want summa dis? C'mere!" (Gotta love Brooklyn girls)
6. It was during an orgy in the 70s, with his three closest gal pals, that young Michael Creighton first got the idea for "Jurassic Park."

Loved the use of the vintage pictures.Great idea.:)

here are some

He should be in the Hall of Fame
 

What happens after sex with Charlie Hustle.

A tribute to a key member of Cincinnati's Big Red Machine. ( If you don't like baseball, you won't get it)

Feeling a warm wet pussy...and a sudden tightening in the throat.
 

"Oh hi Darth...did you have a good day at The Death Star?"

One Imperial commander has chosen the wrong woman to have an affair with...

The present and the past collide
 

1. Some women have unusually intense orgasms.
2. I figure "Hurenhauptstadting" her is worth all the "Erfurt."
3. Never try applying spray deodorant while drunk. At least she has kept it out of her face...
4. If you intend to win the Twister championship of the world, you'll need constant practice.
5. "For my next number I'll sing my favorite Bangles song..."
6...."Pose like an E-gypt-shun"
7. No left turns...and no posing like a left turn either!
8. Hugh Hefner almost made the mistake of hiring this company to design the Playboy logo.
9. People often ask if I write all my own jokes...well...not exactly.
10. Why small farms were so popular from the 30s to the 50s.

Death has a little dick
 

You have to admire girls who can laugh in the face of the Dick of Death.

Or...as Blue Oyster Cult once sang: "Don't Fear The Reaper" (More cow bell!)