brides
 

A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal..
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I ?'

brides
 

The 'PerfectPassword'

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at
the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised
him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he
will use to log on.

The husband was a rather amorous mood and figured he would
try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's
attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his
password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was
entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:

P...E...N...I...S

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer
replied:
**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

more dressed and undressed brides
 

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom
on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about
what her son has seen.

She dresses quickly and goes to find him..

The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'
The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big
tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..'

'You are wasting your time,' said the boy.

'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.

'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up again!!

I thought there was a bride thread somewhere.
 

Nothing much, just one "caught" pic from the bride getting dressed.

N-Joy fellow pervs.

Now that was phenomenal.

how about the bridesmaids?
 

the only one I have, from my cousins wedding.

Friday the 13th Brides
 

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

Advice for the new bride
 

70 Things Not To Say To A Man Who Is Penis-Impared~

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Stop fingering me and fuck me.
4. I'm sorry.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don't we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It's more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a night crawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27.. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn't know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won't take long.
36. Let's just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you're done..
50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it's hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does thiis run in your family?
58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat??? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!!!
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Why can't you be more like Buffalo?

love to know the backstory here. How'd you get the pics and how do you know the girl? Embarrased that the pics are out or does she even know?

You must have caught the bridesmaid here. The bride was in the process of taking it off. If only you waited for a few more seconds to take another shot. Oh well.

backstory
 

The bride is my cousin, the bridesmaid without panties is her maid of honor. I was not there (damn) but my mother comes back with the photo album and is showing it to the family and this picture jumps out at me. No one else seems to notice. (I guess I'm the only perv in the family)

P.S.
 

There were a few other "bride dressing before the wedding" pictures but NN. I will see if I can get my hands on them for you.

bride
 

dressed and undressed

March Madness brides
 

Subject: Why I Fired My Secretary


Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and
say,
'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it
turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... they will
remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss,

and by the way Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You
know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what
do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose
instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a
beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do We?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?'
She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, 'Boss, if
you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ... followed by my wife, my kids, and
dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....

On the couch...

Naked.

Honeymoon - Wedding Night pics and vids
 

I'd love to see more real pics of brides on their wedding nights.

Bedroom Golf.
 

1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, The object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so, may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.
The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.


8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played,
Or Are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played.
Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled,
Particularly, when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times.
Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair.
Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation.
More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace,
At least temporarily at the course owners request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance,
Time permitting, To play the same hole several times in one match.

One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell- a Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

nice work osreb! where do you find them all?

more happy days

nice................

April Fools Day Brides
 

Su Wong, a high school math teacher, marries Lee Wong, an aeronautical engineer. A few months following their wedding Su announces that she is pregnant.

About nine months later Mrs. Wong delivers her baby.

Mr. Wong is ecstatic and can't wait to see his new son. Walking into the maternity ward crowded with new borns he asks the nurse which child is his.

The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

Upon witnessing the child Mr. Wong is irate and heads back to confront his wife. Yelling at her he says, "You obviously have been unfaithful, there is no way I'm the father of that child."

She responds, "How could you say such a thing?"

He quickly says, "Because two Wongs could not make a White!"

"I'm heading to my attorney's office to file for a divorce!", and stormed out of the hospital.

After explaining the situation to his attorney, the attorney says, "Alright, I will begin the divorce proceedings on the grounds of infidelity, but first I'll have to check the birth records, what did you name the child?"


Mr. Wong responds, "I named him ----

Are you ready for this?


Sum Ting Wong

MILF bride
 

A man making the bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he went into a popular night spot.

The bartender refused to serve him and told him he should go home.

Man: My wife will kill me.

Bartender: Take her some candy.

Man: She is on a diet.

Bartender: Take her some flowers.

Man: She has allergies.

Bartender: Tell her a poem.

Man: She loves poems ... I don't know any.

Bartender: Here is one for you.

The Bartender recited.

"YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH...

BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS...

BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES

AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE."

-"Shakespeare"

Man: I can handle that.

So, walking home the man was reciting to himself the poem.

When he gets home he is unable to find his keys.

So, he knocks on the door.

Wife: You better not of been drinking.

Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!

Wife: It had better be good

The man starts to recite the poem...

"YOU BABYLONIAN b*tch…

BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS…

BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A PUSSY LIES

AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE."

Palm Sunday Brides
 

Italian Grandma's Advice!
A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her Nonna said: 'Sit-a here ana leta me tella you about this-a younga boy. He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do dat. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda. But mosta important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna really likea dat, but don'ta let him do dat for sure. Doing thata willa disgraza our family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: 'And Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said. When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over,took my new dress off so it wouldn’t get wrinkled, got on top of him, it felt so good I was tingling inside and I disgraced HIS family instead!'
Nonna fainted!!

Passover Brides
 

How to Make a Woman Happy
It is not difficult to make a woman happy....

A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4.. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined!
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up topless
2. Bring Beer & Food

Love your posts, Osreb. Keep up the good work!

One of my favorite threads!

Easter Sunday Brides
 

A man, fianally gave in to his ever nagging wife, who wanted to go to Jerusalem. So off they went
and while there, the wife suddenly became ill and died. The undertaker told the husband that it would cost him $5,000 to have the body shipped home, but he could have her buried in the Holy Land for $500.

The man pondered the choice and hen notifed the undertaker to arrange for the body to sent back to America.

Why, asked the undertaker; it would cost much less to bury her here.

The man replied; "A long time ago a man died and was buried here in Jerusalem and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance..."

What Men Really Mean
 

It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works.

"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
"Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "...And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall right into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up!

ax day brides
 

A middle aged man bought a brand new Ford Mustang. He took off down
the road, pushed it up to 100 mph,and was enjoying the wind blowing
through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to
an even higher speed.

But then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car
behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no
problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down
the road at over 120 kp/h to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind
of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the
Police car to catch up with him. The policeman pulled in behind the
Mustang and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir my Shift ends in
five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good
reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran
off with a Policeman.. and I thought you were bringing her back."

The Policeman said, "Have a nice day

Earth day brides
 

Subject: Mr. Goldberg wakes up in the hospital

Mr. Goldberg wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pileup on the freeway.. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently... but the fact is... your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

Goldberg groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did... maybe even better! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000.00 per inch.'

Goldberg perks up at this!! 'So,' the doctor says, 'It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in five inches this time, she might be disappointed.. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

He agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and says, 'So, have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says Mr. Goldberg.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'


'Yes, she has,' he says.


'And what is it?' asks the doctor.


'We're getting granite countertops

interesting thread tahnks for the pics :)

Fantastic Thread. Thanks a lot for sharing.

Friday night brides
 

A Small White Dot .

A third grade class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. 'It's a period,' he replied.

'I can see that,' said the teacher, 'but what is so exciting about a period?


'Darned if I know,' he said, 'but this morning my sister was missing one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy.'

1st 4 are from a bridal gown of the year contest
 

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.



The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.



'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.



'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.



'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.



A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the cart.



'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.



'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.’



Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.’

bride before the wedding
 

Proof that Men Have Better Friends...



.Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and
two said he was still there

May Day brides
 

For those of you interested in expanding your foreign languages...
How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages.

English
I Love You

Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu

Italian
Ti Amo

Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar

Alabama
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Mississippi
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
parts of Indiana:

Nice Ass, Get in the truck

Cinco de mayo brides
 

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in
heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat
bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things
don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"

Nice brides

Outstanding blonde bride & bridesmaids

Nice. Please post the naked ones too. :D