From some cheesy 80s T&A film..."Well then I guess a blowjob is out of the question."

Don't remember the movie and don't know why it's stuck with me, but it just cracks me up.

This is years ago with my shy wife. Totally uncharacteristic and a complete one-off -

I was fingering her like crazy (three fingers) and her eyes were rolling back in her head.

Me - "Is that good?"
Her - "Mmmmm yeah."
Me - "What would you like me to do?"
Her - "Fuck me".
Me - "Tell me what you want."
Her - "Fuck me."
Me - "Where do you want me to fuck you?"
Her - "In my c u n t."
Me - "Tell me what you want then." Here eyes were still rolling and I was three knuckles deep.
Her - "Fuck me in the c u n t."

Of course I obliged and I came like I've never come before.

That occasion was never repeated. I didn't even know she knew the c-word.

Said by my wife of over 40 years, very early in our relationship, as I was putting the kettle on .....
"Let's make love, not tea".

So here's one that was directly said to me...

"Well. I enjoyed that a lot more than I expected. I mean, a lot more."

My wife said after our first time having anal sex.

Erotic and hilarious
 

Years ago, a friend and I and our girlfriends were having all kinds of fun on his kingsized bed.
At one point, my girlfriend was on top of me and leaning to the side so she could kiss and caress the breasts of my friend's girlfriend who was laying on her back. My friend was on his knees driving into her and holding her legs by the ankles straight up toward the ceiling, pumping away.
All of a sudden he stopped and said "How do you drive one of these things?"
We all cracked up for minutes...before getting down to business once again.
Hope that little remembrance brought you a smile.

Tough guy noirish short story from a 70's men's magazine (Cavalier?) pilfered from my dad's poorly hidden stash:

"Pussy makes us all predictable."

My wife has had a few during our swinging adventures. I recall her being bent over by the husband of my first GF from high school (they're swingers too) as he fucked her ass "Oh shit I'm dripping from my c*nt!" haha

I was 16 working as a busboy in the children's dining room of a small hotel on the Catskills. The closest girls in age to me were counselors who were all college freshmen --- so, around 18. Since they all ate in the children's dining room, we were friendly but not in a romantic way.

Late in the summer, I was alone with one of them in a gazebo on the lawn and started kissing. SHE STUCK HER TONGUE IN MY MOUTH. Definitely a first for me and I loved it. A little later she told me I could get to third base but would never get home. I was too naive to take advantage of it and long since have realized that I should have said "if I get to third, I could steal home." She soon gave up on me and nothing more happened with her.

Funny thing is, just after that, I was with a girl my age who was staying at a nearby summer bungalow. We walked back to her place and sat talking in another gazebo outside of her place. She went in and came back out in pajamas. We started kissing and I tried my new-found skill of sticking my tongue in her mouth. She jumped up like she had been stuck by lightning and ran inside.

Just a few from my memoirs mainly involving spraying payloads of cum all over the women in my life (follow the links for more details)

“You better bl00dy not cum in me”

“I think I'm going to be sick”

“don’t leave anything in my mouth”

“A little salty”

"Help me"

Having dinner with a co-worker - she says to me "I can't wait until the next time I see my ex-husband. I'm going to tell him how much I love to suck cock now, because I hated it when we were Married"