Monday,Monday
 

Can't trust that day... L to R.

1.It only took Tina a few seconds to realize that she'd forgotten something very important this morning.

2.After the latest disaster. Nancy decided to drop out of hairdressing school.

3.Tyrone didn't have the heart to tell them this seaside restaurant wasn't 'clothing optional.'

4.It had cost Jeff a lot of money to install the exercise equipment. But he decided it was worth every penny.

It's supposed to make you smile.
 

1. A big cow and a girl.
2. A big cowgirl.
3. You've seen the movies. This is always how it happens. They get bit and don't tell anyone. They're OK for a while...
4. Then suddenly the whole zombie thing happens.

Women can be cruel...(Next 4 pics)

5. " Uh honey, I know you're trying your best, but I don't think you know what you're doing. Look for what looks like a little man in a boat."
6. " Oh please sister, stop! I fucked that guy once. He couldn't find your clit if you painted it bright red and hung a sign on it! "
7. " I slept with that guy too...let me show you something..."
8. " I bought him this last Christmas and he thought it was a tail warmer for his bulldog!"

9. Cast out of The Garden of Eden...and onto your living room floor.
10. Some women see God as a gentle spiritual presence in their lives. Some think he's just a man...and treat him accordingly.

Germans, ghosts and aliens...etc.
 

1. "Yes, there's an ATM for the bank you're looking for over in Germany..." (The clerk down at Nudies Printing is always helpful)
2. The Deutschland Dildo Deposit Bank's ATM: You don't need a card...just insert their convenient pussy scan.
3. "I hear they found authentic Roswell alien autopsy photos printed on 1947 film stock...are we not alone? Am I not gorgeous?"
4. "My damned rich husband has bought a drone camera to spy on me...will I ever be alone again?"
5. "What the hell is that? Is that UFO pointing a telephoto camera lense at us" (THEY only come to Earth to photograph our women)
6. "Oh don't mind us... we didn't mean to block the trail." ( Does this ever happen to you when you're hiking? Me neither!)
7. Damn! She's got you pinned and now she's going to hawk a loogie on you, just like your big brother used to do...sort of.
8. Another strange noise in the attic. The Ghost never seemed to like it when Mrs. Muir fucked guys she picked up at the bar.
9. " Oh my God...that looks like an alien spacecraft landing on the hill above us! I guess we aren't alone, Random."
10. "Life not only exists elsewhere, alien civilizations have been following this thread...Now that's hard to swallow!"

Flashing fun.
 

1. When Indiana Jones gives archaeology lectures the young women write "I love you" on their eyelids. The cougars don't mess around!
2. Ever the sexual daredevil, Helen always wanted to try swinging.
3. Whatever she's trying to do here, judging from the look on her face, it will probably come out with a high-pitched sound.
4. She's got more for Les...more or less.
5. Sallie didn't have any money to pay the foot bridge toll. She hoped this simple gesture would do.
6. Whatever the joke is that's so damned funny...I hope they keep telling it, don't you?
7. This is a trained "upskirt" dog. It's a service dog to assist voyeur photographers so they can take shots like this.
8. "My smoothie is gone and I'm like, sooo bored. Where are you? " ( Lucky for us, he's across the street with a camera)
9. Pam decided to offer the contractor a little extra incentive to finish the house ahead of schedule.
10. Nymphomania: You know you've got it bad when your mouth is full of cum before you're even half awake in the morning.

Every Day in the 'burbs
 

Neva know whats happenin'.
L to R

1.Having lost the bet.Cindy reluctantly kisses her Manager's ass.

2.At this point the owner of the store decided that the Meet&Greet concept was getting out of hand.

3.Local law enforcement weren't quite sure how much longer they could continue to cover for the Mayor's wife.

4.In those few seconds.Vivian realized just where her husband's pet snake was..

1. "No, I'm not The Most Interesting Man In The World..but on most days, I eat better."
2. Ron understood that his wife had been raised by dogs. He tolerated this sort of thing. It was the sniffing of strangers asses, rolling around in dead stuff, eating feces and chasing cars that he had trouble with.
3. Sure it's casual attire...but so many woman are all dressed up with no place to blow.
4. And blow she can! Nice and deep. (Not a funny pic. Just a good one.)
5. Now THIS is a funny pic.
6. Every able bodied seaman in Miami wanted to crew for Captain Zelda. They knew she was very good at making seaman shoot semen.
7. Martha was so good at cocksucking she could do it in her sleep with one hand behind her back.
8. "That takes care of this bag... Now come over here and help pack my trunk." (She looks like the personification of a Vargas Girl painting so I gave her a Vargas Girl-like quotation. I miss the old days of Playboy! )
9. What part of "adorable" don't you understand?
10. "I've got tits!" ( When the genie granted Steve the wish to spend a whole day inside a woman's body, this was not what he had in mind...but Steve knows how to roll with things. )

A few grins from Oblivion
 

1. So all her life she wanted a BB gun, but her mother always worried she'd put an eye out... (You've seen the movie)
2. "Can you show me where the cucumbers are...the REALLY BIG ones? (Denise was not only very lonely, she was kinda indiscreet.)
3. Kathy eventually told the marriage counselor that she felt she was the one doing all the work in the relationship.
4. "Hey, Steve...this reminds me...how did the Twins do in that doubleheader today?"
5. Living with a cross dresser just wasn't working out for Pam.
6. Despite being allergic to her husband, Nancy did her best to make him happy.
7. This reminds me of that thread I always contribute to: Sexual In Tent City
8. Amazingly, for some men this is a difficult choice.
9. Modern day sirens have adapted new ways to dash your boat upon the rocks.
10. So mom and dad thought they were all alone...Never buy a sneaky kid a camera for Christmas.

Saturday Morning Funnies
 

1. Hey, when your girlfriend tells you she "ABSOLUTELY LOVES " the taste of bananas...well, a good boyfriend does what he can to please.
2. "Hmmph...leth me geth...Ironman?" (Elizabeth loved playing "The Cocks of the Marvel Universe" guessing game.)
3. "Really John...there are some things a girl like me doesn't do...you want me enter a jump rope competition? Uh... do you want me to knock myself unconscious or what?"
4. As the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, Joshua had to be good at multi-tasking.
5. "Marta, if we just sit here naked and you hold onto that spoon, someone is bound to make up a funny caption...eventually."
6. When the boys rounded the corner Donnie was the first to say: "Golly, Jimmy! You've got the coolest clubhouse ever!"
7. If you're going to "raise awareness" for some cause...I personally can't think of one more interesting.
8. Taking a break from her shower, Yvette tried again to retrieve her lost bar of soap.
9. Lori's best imitation of the late Karl Malden.
10. Retired gymnasts make excellent cup holders.

Saturday Afternoon decisions
 

Sometimes you have to think on your feet.

L to R

1."It's no use Honey.The salesman won't budge on the price."

2.Having barely escaped her husband catching her with another man. Molly finds she has another problem to worry about.

3."I've gotten them to come down on the price.But these contractor's want me to stay over a while so I can supervise the work."

4.It didn't take the store management long to figure out why their new Customer Rep sold so many ceiling fans.

Dough!
 

There are some things even Homer won't do...

1 "This just in...a Boeing 777 is missing after the pilot issued a bizarre radio distress call...due to FCC rules we here at Channel 3 News can't report the nature of the call... but we will keep you informed of any late breaking developments in this story." ( Must be a Seattle girl) :
2. Even after her husband bailed her out and got her home, Candace still couldn't pass the field sobriety test.
3. Superman and The Prolific Pube Woman...an unbeatable crime-fighting duo.
4. The Campus S & M club racing to check out the last copy of "50 Shades of Gray"
5. Dave came home early...and stumbled upon one of the reasons his contractor wasn't getting much done on the home rebuild.
6. " Hey you! This is MY block! Take your silly goddam hat and get the hell out of here!" (Topless...uh...women... are more territorial than the four legged kind)
7. So...did he return it after he took the picture...Would YOU?
8. Sam Neil and Laura Dern refused to sign on for new sequel: "Jurassic Ass" but I hear Jeff Goldblum is all in.
9. Sometimes women aren't subtle at all...
10. Busted! (THIS is how celebrity stalking begins. )

More
 

1 "Uh...yeah...Honey, you should have let me know your contractor was pouring cement where I do my sunbathing..."
2. Toto was getting tired, but he couldn't stop. If the relentless crazy lady from next door caught him, he would be her lunch.
3. Johnny liked to surprise his mother...in moments when she thought she was all alone ...by lighting M-80 firecrackers...
4. Johnny got older but never really "grew up"... as his wife would testify.
5. Donna's Bach Concertos left something to be desired...but she played a rousing version of "Great Balls Of Fire"
6. No caption needed. Just a great pic.
7. "Hello, ACME male escort service? I just wanted to say that the escort you sent over has a nice dick, but he resembles my Aunt Lucille!"
8. Old Billy Bob growed up in a house wit only one DVD. He's seen "Deliverance" 186 times...he don't know no other way.
9. Coke? Candy? Chips? Or....Helen. Only you can decide how to spend those quarters.
10. Make no bones about it. Pics like this are a bonus.

A Day In The Life Of Another Day
 

More happenings.

1.While the station was usually low-rated. Everyone looked forward to the winter weather reports.

2."Hey,Jerri is my best friend.I don't mind taking on her duties as a housewife while she is in the hospital."

3.When Mark woke up on Christmas morning he knew right away there was such a thing as Santa Claus.

4."Oh, the orgy was great,Cindy. But I just think I overdid it a bit."

Niki
 

........

The fun never stops
 

1. After the popularity of "Dancing With The Stars," the network decided to air a spinoff called "Dancing With The Drunk Chicks."
2. John comes home unexpectedly a lot...and it seems every time he does, Mary is up to something interesting.
3. It didn't matter to Ralph that Becky wasn't really into it...all that mattered to Ralph was warmth, moisture and friction.
4. They say bad things come in threes...and three rhymes with pee...don't you agree?
5. What makes you want to kiss her more, the stinky cigar or the mask?
6. "Like I said, Steve...two days...and my 'visit from my little friend' will be over...then I'll let you screw me again."
7. All the really great cliff divers had to start somewhere...
8. Yes, those are her panties in her hand. Admit it...you looked, didn't you?
9. The pose is scary enough...but look at those eyes! It's time to break up with this one before you end up living an X-Files episode.
10. "Hi Mom...sorry, but this is a bad time to just stop in like this...John is out of town, the kids are in school and I'm in the middle of fucking three guys from the construction site across the street...you understand, don't ya?"

Music, animals, etc...
 

1. When she sings, Lisa sounds like a pack of tone-deaf coyotes, but for some reason EVERYONE comes to her karaoke performances.
2. Looking for backup singers before she found "The Supremes" in Motown, Diana Ross tried out "The Disinterested" from Capetown.
3. Where does P.E.T.A stand on forcing your beagle to pose for softcore erotic photography?
4. "Look at the cute goats. Look at what the goats are doing. No, look at the goats! What are you looking at? Don't you like the goats?"
5. "Oh, you think your boyfriend is hung 'like' a bull? Well, that's my boyfriend over there...he IS a bull!"
6. Whether she's diligently practicing her BJ technique or on her way to being an alcoholic, you gotta admire her work ethic.
7. "Shhhhh!" It's a library..."
8. Sexual enthusiasm. Love and tenderness. This photo says it all. Yes, sir!
9. She's not just hot...she's radioactive. (I know...it was a cheap and obvious caption choice!)
10. Today's small American farm owners are worse off than ever before...they can't even afford the traditional bib overalls. (Is that a "Carhart" tattoo on her left breast?)

One Fine Day
 

Life is amazing.

1."Tom please! Not in front of my parents!"

2.Judging by the picture.Mr. James had to conclude that his usually shy daughter was making new friends in college.

3.Tony was quite amazed at all the great bargains he was finding at the Shop mart

4.It wasn't until a month later that Mrs. Parker found out she'd gotten a thorough exam from the janitor.

Saturday funnies
 

1. "Jake! Come on...I wanna take a bath...give me the key! Jake? JAKE???" (If any of you know where Jake is, please speak up.)
2. Jake left his wife on the cuff, so to speak, and having absconded with their life's savings, he now lives on a tropical island where despite his ludicrous appearance he is very popular with the ladies. (And there is nothing funny about that. )
3. Poor Janette...she really wanted to be in the "Girl's Caught Peeing" thread...but that dreaded "shy bladder" problem spoiled her plans.
4. Jenny Craig has a new "can't miss" program: " Craving fast food? Eat a friend instead."
5. "My eyes are up here....awww! You guys are sooooo typical!" ( When you show up topless in an OCC thread, what do you expect?)
6. "I know you've never been to a gynocologist before, but I assure you, this is standard proceedure"
7. "God...my tummy is still queasy from swallowing all that cum at the bachlorette party last night."
8. What country is Dulla from again? Anyone?
9. Maggie has the body of a beautiful human woman...only the glowing red eyes betray her Martian heritage.
10. "Now...what else is it gonna take to get you to drive that Chevy home today? (As far as sleazy used car salespeople go, you could do worse than Donna.)

It's the Sunday Funnies, Charlie Brown
 

1. Lucy was cumming so hard she thought her silicone implant was about to burst.
2. "Mom! Dad! You're early again! That's such a bad idea on laundry day!" ( It's just a ploy to get her parents to buy her new clothes)
3. Fluffy the cat was enjoying the sun and lying closely and quietly with the humans that feed her...then HE arrived! (Cat's eye view)
4. "Well Dave...if it's her you want...I'll just...I'll just...piss off this cliff!" (Patty's ultimatums were always ludicrous)
5. American park rangers hate having to inform european park guests that they aren't in Europe anymore... (the ticket is less if you smile)
6. "Well, yeah... I guess we could have sex if you really want to...OR WE COULD HAVE ICE CREAM!"
7. Although she was blind, Anna's other senses were uncanny. She knew by taste that she had just blown Henry...and that he had eaten Fritos and tuna for lunch.
8. The nice thing about private jets is the flight attendants give you a much better greeting than you get with commercial airlines.
9. It sucks when you turn into a zombie when you're right in the middle of enjoying some naked Wii..
10. "OK OK! That's enough fun for tonight" (Goodnight!)

More grins from Oblivion
 

1. Some people like fucking like "crazed weasels." Nikki is happy nuzzling a friendly ferret.
2. Virginia is pleased to not only discover that Santa is very real...he's much younger and better hung than she might have expected.
3. Humid Tropical climates do have some benefits...
4. Dog: "When you're free showing off your mature ass for the wankers at OCC... may I please get my toy?"
5. Exercising no restraint: " Sometimes you go to the adult novelty shop, see the leather pants and toys and... just kinda lose it...ya know?"
6. Now THAT'S a nose job! (For those who follow this thread...Is that "Aunt Lucille" from the male escort service in the background?)
7. PART ONE: The DeGrasio sisters are so glad their sister Louisa has finally settled her marriage problems. "Here she comes now!"
8. PART TWO (minutes earlier) Her husband's body parts safely secure in the bag, Louisa was ready for the ride to the cement factory.
9. Blow out the candle and make a wish. If your wish is to pull out the candle with your teeth and lick it clean... you're not alone.
10. When you certify for CPR with the Red Cross they have you practice on a "Resusci-Annie" doll. When you certify as a cunnilinguist...
:D:D:D

More
 

1. "So there was a sale on capri pants at Macy's. I got three pairs for sixty dollars!" (How women talk dirty... to each other)
2. Some guys just don't wash themselves as well as they should...ya know?
3. (PART ONE) Aren't you glad you paid extra for Jane's Nude Housekeeping Service?
4. (PART TWO) However, Jane herself should give up the job of quality control inspection to someone less nearsighted.
5. This POV shot is really how a lot of guys see women. (Just focus on the big pussy and hope for a little head)
6. DOG: "When you're through showing off your mature ass to the wankers at OCC...can we go for a walk?"
7. When John flicked on the light Mary knew she was busted. Her attempts to smile and pretend she was "undressing downstairs so as not to wake him" might have worked... had John not heard the sound of his best friend Steve's Camero roaring away.
8. "Careful...if you get too close...she'll spring!" (Young cougar in training)
9. "Ooooh my gaaawd! I am soooooo hairy!" ( Amanda takes matters in hand)
10. A naive Jane's Nude Housekeeping Service employee: She's unsure why the homeowner insists she cleans the dog hairs off the couch one at a time...while he watches.

Your sense of humor is great! Thanks for the laughs (AND.....). :D

Saturday funnies
 

1. If you're going to cheat, don't do it at home. Every little noise will sound like your husband coming home from work early.
2. She's going to tell her friends later that she "just happened to run into him" Yeah...she repeatedly ran into his cock with her open mouth.
3. She looks young and inexperienced....probably keeps her birth control in a "Hello Kitty" purse.
4. Cindy loved Don because she loved Neopolitan ice cream: strawberry, chocolate and vanilla. (Look at his cock and leg skin tones!)
5. Well looook who had to go and break the string of blow job/hand job jokes...thanks a lot, Anal Annie!
6. This is a perfect example of getting mixed signals from a woman. She's smiling as if all is well, as that swift foot kicks your balls off.
7. (Part one) You remember how your mother used to say that if you make silly faces -one day your face might freeze that way?
8. (Part two) Well, here's the same woman forced to sleep with her face under the covers 'cause her boyfriend just can't stand it anymore.
9. (Part one) Angela patiently waiting for her slacker boyfriend to pay the overdue water bill so the hot water can be turned on again.
10. (Part two) Day's later...The slacker boyfriend apparently skipped town. Angela now waits for her new boyfriend to join her in the shower. Not only is he head of the county water department, he also happens to be pretty skilled with a loofa.

Sunday Funnies
 

1. Guys, when you come home from a week-long business trip to find your wife looking like this...uh...she just might be cheating on you.
2. There just isn't a caption that can add to this picture in any way...
3. Notice that she's not behind the eight ball, but posing with the numbers six and nine...six and nine...69...oh, I get it.
4. "Excuse me. I have just arrived from France and am looking for mass quantities of cock." (Not a real Conehead, just a nymphomaniac)
5. "Get yer redhot titties right here..yes sir...come one come all, to my magnificent titty extravaganza!" (Never date an ex carnie)
6. As you can see, for Becky life is not a bowl of cherries, but a bowl of mixed fruit and a cock up the ass. Not that she's complaining...
7. "Ma'am, I have a comfortable place for you to sit waiting right over here..." ( What a thoughtful fellow!)
8. Jane's Nude Housekeeping Service (see last post) also has a pool service...Jane is an equal opportunity employer too. :mad:
9. Maria likes to spread a little holiday cheer this time of year...amongst all the other things she spreads.
10. "YO! WASSUP HOMIE? I GOT ME THREE HOTTIES SUCKIN' MY JUNK, DOG! I'M THE MAN!" ("Wass" NOT up... and NEVER DID get up...is his penis, despite the valiant efforts of the three "hotties." Let this be a lesson to young men everywhere. A little modesty goes a long way)

Spreading Fun
 

More everyday happening that don't happen.

1.After the fifth hand of strip poker.The girls finally figured out the game was rigged.

2.Cindy's High Kick move always seemed to ace the cheer leading contest.

3.After many years in the business. Pete never tired of being a wedding photographer.

4."I know it sounds paranoid.But it seems like everyone is staring at me."

5.Debbie actually got halfway to the kitchen before she remembered she was at her in laws house.

Post Holiday Mishaps
 

Never know where life will take you.

1.Ralph finally took the hint from his wife about his flatulence problem.

2.Shelly now realized she should have tried on the bikini before she bought it.

3.A few seconds later, Karla realized she'd just sent her picture to all of her husbands friends.

4.Rebecca looked up at the skylight in time to see she'd just made Santa Claus's night.

Saturday Funnies
 

1. Jane liked fucking marines. Their dicks are always at attention.
2. Women in foreign countries aren't quite as used to the marines.
3. She's looking for suggestions and assistance... any volunteers from OCC? Of course there are. We are a helpful bunch.
4. "Dude...this is like the second time I've had sex this year!" (Dave is very proud of his prolific sexual encounters.)
5. Darla and Mike tried everything they could to distract Patty, but her superior concentration remained unbroken.
6. Somehow this reminds me of several Steven King movies. ( Redrump! Redrump!)
7. Carolina is channeling Sid Vicious.
8. DOG: "Uh...take your time showing your mature ass to the wankers at OCC. Someone pissed over here and it smells interesting."
9. I saw Andrea in these two pics and decided to collage and caption her...I also would love to screw her.
10. Careful now...those nipples emit a poisonous gas that can kill a man in eight seconds. And that tongue may look inviting, until the razor sharp barbs hook onto your penis. I tell ya fellas...sex with alien women is risky...damned risky!

Random Happenings on Random Days
 

More of life's general confusions.

1.The girls agreed that the new onion flavored water wasn't that good.

2.It was a surprise to it's creator's that naked hay bale surfing never caught on.

3.After five different test results. Debbie finally admitted to herself her weight gain wasn't due to overeating.

4.By the time she finished her third drink. Mary felt ready to marry her 78yr old fiance.

Smile though your heart is breaking
 

1. "...cause yooou make me feeel...yooou make me feeeel...yooou make me feeeeel like...a...natural...wooman!" ( Sing it, baby!)
2. "Oh yeah. This reminds me. We're out of sweetened condensed milk...you know the canned kind for baking? Can you make a store run?"
3. AT THE ORGY: Julie was so distracted by the handsome hunk across the room it totally threw off her blow job aim.
4. The "Cum Moustache" is a little like the "Milk Moustache" except it's thicker...and the housecats aren't so eager to lick it off.
5. PART ONE: "Fuck off Vince! Can't you see I'm busy? Go find something to amuse yourself and leave me alone!"
6. PART TWO: ( Picture received in her email hours later with the following message: ) "Hi Cindy. This is my new friend, Monica. I'm very amused. YOU fuck off!" Love, Vince.
7. It's not very nice when people "TP" your house. It's even worse when they "TP" your wife.
8. It's a real bummer when you get put on "hold" during phone sex.
9. PART ONE: Looking for a few extra bucks, Pia has signed on with Jane's Nude Housekeeping Service.
10. PART TWO: How nude housekeepers appear on "Casual Friday."

A Day In The Life Of A Day
 

One more before the new year.

1. Connie's Lesbian Exercise Class was always well attended.

2.Tabitha once again had forgotten where she parked her car.

3."What's wrong,lady? You act like you've never seen a plumber before."

4.When she didn't have enough money to tip him. Paul decided that her alternate method of thanks was much better.

More fun.
 

Things go on.

1.A woman outstanding in her field.(yeah,it's a little corny. but go with it).

2.It finally reached a point where the new library interns were asked to leave because they made to much noise.

3.It really amazed Gary how easy he could train monkeys to do tricks.

4.Always looking to find an edge in business, Fiona decided to open a nude obedience school for dogs.

The Russian Way
 

This woman's photo set is just full of fun shots. As a result, she shows up here in my posts a lot. Here's a few more.

1. This is a perfect example of why some men don't understand women...all the mixed signals! (Sometimes in the space of one bath)
2. Submitted for your aproval: A potential new "M" logo to put on the Miami Marlin's baseball caps. I'd buy and wear one...
3. If she starts sniffing your butt you'll know for sure she was raised by dogs.
4. The Russian movie and television industry can't afford to hire censors...so they employ volunteers to work directly on the sets.
5. Yes, they watch as much television in Russia as American's do...and they look damned good doing it.

The Weird Side of Life
 

A walk in the strange zone.

1.Elaine began to serious wonder if her date was trying to get her drunk.

2.Pete realized he should never have asked his current girlfriend if any of her previous lovers were better than him.

3.In all his days.Walter had never heard of anyone getting wasted on bottled water.

4.Mrs. Flint wondered why her husband let his new pet rabbit wander around the backyard when she wasn't home.

Blonde & Brunette
 

Blonde jokes are a dime a dozen. Then again,so are blondes. I won't get into the IQ question about Blondes & Brunettes. I don't want to give anyone a headache.

1.What really scared Farmer Smith was that the cow and his daughter seemed to be discussing quantum physics.

2.Molly found that one of the downsides of dating an invisible man was that he wanted oral sex at the strangest times.

3."Thank you for the 'A' Professor. I'm glad someone appreciates a girls intelligence".

4.No matter how hard she twisted, Penelope couldn't find the radio station her boyfriend wanted.

Women, don't Piss them off~!
 

Have to be fast with this one and Hope its not a repeat! I always loved the Expression on her Pretty face and would love to see his too! lol
Thanks, great thread too!
;)

This belongs in the WTF thread....

Friend seeing those Wall pics!
 

This is the Expression we got when my wife had her GF over the house on a tour and she seen those Naughty wall pics in the Master bedroom, wow!
:eek:

Back for a few grins
 

1. The bad news is that they're doing another sequel to The Matrix. The good news is that Keanu Reeves has been replaced.
2. Now doesn't this pic make you think of the slang term: "skin flute? "
3. Lumps and bruises instead of lumps of coal...Santa Claus is through messing around with you goddam naughty people!
4. Don't laugh...she'll bust your balls.
5. PART ONE: Boyfriend left you? Feeling lonely?
6. PART TWO: Suck dick. You'll never be alone again. ( Paid for by the Society For Validation Through Nymphomania)
7. It sucks to be seconds away from a big, satisfying, self induced orgasm...only to have ghosts from the ancient Indian buriel ground your subdivision was built on suddenly decide to haunt your room.
8. "Cut the ropes Indy! She's hot as hell... but you can't let her get her hands on the artifacts!" A scene from "Indiana Jones and The Temple of Amateur Porn Girls.")
9. "This is sooooo much better than playing Bridge." ( Housewives have come a long way since the 40s. )
10. How to tell if your girlfriend is an alien: When her breasts hang free her eyes glow. Yep...gives them away every time. Honestly. Uh huh.

More of the Different
 

Once again for fun.

1."I win,Jack. It only took one beer to get her naked."

2.So when the FBI put me into Witness Protection,they told me to blend in.Try not to stand out."

3."That's very nice,Mam. But I'm only supposed to accept monetary compensation for delivering your luggage."

4."Actually,I have no idea what I'm doing in the back of your bosses car. But it's not what it looks like."

1. I hear that eating jalapeños makes a guys cum taste a little spicey. I mean...that's what I hear...I honestly have no idea.
2. I also hear that eating too much jalapeño cum can have an adverse affect on a woman's vision. Again...I wouldn't know.
3. That's a pretty sad looking animal...I'm talking about the dog in the background.
4. That latest northeast blizzard wasn't such a big deal after all. It was a clothing optional storm.
5. Wanna die early? Forget to buy the morning coffee like Veronica asked...again...AND while she's PMS-ing. You poor bastard.
6. Yes, having sex with immature men can have it's drawbacks.
7. Vicky's got her boat, her John Clancy novel and her rather large friend. She may never come ashore again.
8. Cable's newest cooking show: "Cooking with Russian Fuck Goddesses" somehow attracts a rather large male audience.
9. Desperately calling Paul Hogan.
10. Easter sucks.