Looks like a fun wedding!

some vintage pics
 

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not
gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know
he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to
remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

brides + pantyhose
 

Having already downed a few power drinks at a local pub, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said,'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me.I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
'No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'

assorted wedding pics that don't go in the family album, maybe?

Thanx a million....something about brides gets me going...maybe its the all white or knowing they are have mad sex at the end of the night

MLK day brides
 

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is
engaged,one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our
men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our
eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it
all went.

My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He
saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then
we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at
his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over
my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I
was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask
over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

'What's for dinner Batman?

anything new?
 

anyone got anything new? It's mostly the same girls again and again!

I try 4 new pics Buff; at least my jokes don't repeat.
 

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared on down I-75.He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and he tromped on it some more, and flew down the road at over 100 mph, then 110, 120mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes, and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me any reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

enjoy:rolleyes:

Dressed and undressed brides
 

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's just about perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her behind look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....
---- -------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...5&d=1232673152

Please tell me there are more of this chick around. She is laying on a bed at the Aladdin (Planet Hollywood) in Las Vegas. This is part of my quest to collect every female nude photo taken in Southern Nevada.

Brides and geography
 

*_THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN_*

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild,
fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade,
especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of
her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and
desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all
conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't
make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to
meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and
the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst
for spiritual knowledge visit there.


*_THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN_*

Between 12 and 70, a man is like Iran , Ruled by Nuts.

more side by side brides
 

Important Info For Women:

1) Every blowjob you give adds one month to your life.

2) If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five
porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.

3) A hand-job a day keeps arthritis away.

4) Every ten minutes of love-making is equivalent to thirty minutes on
the treadmill.

5) Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.

6) Intercourse prevents divorce.

7) Regular fucking releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of
brain cells.

8) Sex eliminates headaches.

9) Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard".

10) Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your
lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.

Super Sunday Brides
 

A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for
Paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to
The defendant.

"Not Guilty, your honor."

Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds,
"How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we
Have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged
Prostitute right here on tape?"

"Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I
Wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another
'heinous' crime, gambling."

"Gambling?" responds the prosecutor, "How so?"

"Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady
Earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to
Her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me
Tonight. That videotape is just footage of me losing the bet!"

bride dressing series
 

and of course...

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve
Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The
taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab,
my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for
the night. So,she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as
we drove away. 'That stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke
her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to takeoff, so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw
her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car

another dressing bride
 

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
Distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
And jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
As Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
Programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
System.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but
To no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2
And do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
Automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
Default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the
Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all
Your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
And cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
Additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Just a variation of the Miller thingy above

just one

The Great Bride Thread
 

There is something about a wedding, mainly all he stuff the goes on prior to it. Put the dress on, take it off, put it back on. The parties....the girls going out, the guy going out, the party prior to the wedding.

Hope you enjoy the ones I added. The one I like best is the Bad Wifey One.

Don't believe that is her soon to be hubby, just one of his friends

Robert

***** HARDCORE PIC REMOVED *****

my contribution
 

I have had these for a while and they fit this thread. They arent the greatest quality but I think they are ok.

brides
 

Bottle of wine

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us t o drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil b*tches. Don't mess with us.

I think they are great, please more of her if you have them! Thanks.

The Most Important Discoveries.
 

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colours, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

Bride
 

Hope you like.............

thanksxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Valentine Day Brides
 

I had a rose named after me
And I was very flattered.
But, I was not pleased to read
The description in the catalogue:
'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
--Eleanor Roosevelt.

By all means, marry.
If you get a good wife,
You'll become happy;
If you get a bad one,
You'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates.

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx.

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...5&d=1234627497

Awesome. An ENF pic where the friend helps to cover up. Those are pretty rare.

Thanks

Fango

Anybody have more of this girl? She is SO hot and reminds me of my sister in law!

President's Day Brides
 

Romance fun facts!

Coffee Break Romance. It's reported that more than 10,000 marriages a year now are directly traceable to romances which begin during coffee breaks.

Engagement Lengths. The average engagement lasts 06 months.

First Love. Two out of five marry their first love.

Wearing a Wedding Ring.
The reason that the engagement ring and wedding band is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand is because the ancient Egyptians thought that the "vein of love" Ran from this finger directly to the heart.

Go Ahead and Kiss.
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends that you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.

Having Sex? According to a survey, the second most popular reason for having sex is to produce a baby.

Strange But True.
In Pennsylvania, Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.

Median Age for Marriage.
In 1970, brides were on average 20.8 years old when they married, while grooms were 23.2.
Americans are now marrying later in life. In the year 2000, brides were on average 25.1
With their grooms averaging 26.8.

Morning Kissing.
Studies indicate that a man who kisses his wife good-bye when he leaves for work every morning averages a higher income than those who don't. Husbands who exercise the rituals of affection tend to be more painstaking, more
Stable, more methodical, thus higher earners. Studies also show that men who kiss their wives before leaving in the morning live 05 years longer than those who don't.


Oldest Bride.
Minnie Munro became the world's oldest bride when she married Dudley Reid at the age of 102 on May 31, 1991.
Reid, the groom, was 83 years old.

Oldest Groom.
Harry Stevens was 103 when he married 84 year old Thelma Lucas at the Caravilla Retirement Home in Wisconsin on December 3, 1984.

Phone Proposals. 06% of men proposed to their girlfriends over the phone.


Romance Novels.
Romance Novels are more popular than ever.
53% of all mass market paperback books sold in this country are Romances.
Romance novels earn more money in the USA yearly than baseball!
So, what's the national pastime?

Sex Manuals. The oldest sex manuals were published in China 5,000 years ago.

The Longest Engagement.
Sixty-seven years.
According to the Guinness Book of World Records.
The happy couple finally wed at age 82!

Any More??
 

Does anyone have more of this gal? I just think she is dead sexy!

Brides and....
 

Child Support Agency Forms.

The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing
Fathers''s name details.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly

From behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.
She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter.
He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had It replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was I'm-Maculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have Cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look The same to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs Earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

Friday night brides
 

DECODING DICTIONARY.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:


40-ish............................49.
Adventurous..................Slept with everyone.
Athletic..........................No breasts.
Average looking............Moooo.
Beautiful........................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure.......On medication.
Feminist........................Fat.
Free Spirit....................Junkie.
Friendship first.............Former sl*t.
New-Age......................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned..............No B.J.'s.
Open-minded...............Desperate.
Outgoing......................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional.................b*tch.
Voluptuous......... ........Very fat.
Large frame.................Hugely fat.


-----------

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes...................................No.
No....................................Yes.
Maybe..............................No
We need..........................I want.
We need to talk...............You're in trouble.
Sure, go ahead...............You better not.
Do what you want...........You will pay for this later.

I am not upset...................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight.....Is sex all you ever think about?

---------

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry.....................I am hungry.
I am sleepy......................I am sleepy.
I am tired.........................I am tired.
Nice dress.......................Nice cleavage!
I love you........................Let's have sex now.
I am bored.......................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?..........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit.............I'm gay

Side by Side Bride pics
 

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down

I still can't get over this pic? Is this real or some staged pic? The guy doesn't look like the groom. Anyone know the real story behind this pic. Damn!

The pic is the one where the guy bends over the bride and slides his left arm near her panties like he wants to rub it.

Happiest day :p

Mardi Gras Day Brides
 

Dealing With Women

Men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women for thousands
of years, Finally, this guide helps you understand just how it works.
Always remember, to make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you
get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects. Hey, it's her game, you might as
well learn how to play.


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed............................................... .+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......-1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2
You leave the toilet seat up....................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..............+5
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.............-2
You go out to buy her extra -light panty liners with wings......+5
in the rain.............................................. .......+8
but return with beer............................................-1
and no pads.............................................. .......-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.......................+1
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..............nada
You check out a supicious noise and it is something............+5
You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10
It's her cat............................................... .....-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party...........................nada
You stay by her side for a while, then leave
with a drinking buddy...........................................-2
Named Tiffany........................................... ........-20
Tiffany is a dancer............................................ .-50
With breast implants.......................................... ..-100

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.......................................+1
You buy a card and flowers......................................+2
You take her out to dinner......................................+5
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+6
Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-20
And it's all-you-can-eat night.................................-30
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team.....................-40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal............................................... ....nada
The pal is happily married......................................+1
The pal is single............................................ ...-10
He drives a Ferrari........................................... ..-20
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...............................+5
You take her to a movie you hate................................+8
You take her to a movie you like................................-5
It's called Death Cop III.......................................-10
it features Cyborgs that eat humans.............................-15
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-20

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".................-1000

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......................................-10
You reply, "Where?".......................................... ...-35
You reply, "No, honey, I think
it's your butt"............................................. ...Game_Over

thanks for the pretty pics

Here's two

Asian wedding
 

Dress slipping

SEVEN kinds of sex:
 

Results of a recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex:

The first kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone
And you both have sex until you are blue in the face.


The second kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time
And you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


The third kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time.
Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The fourth kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for too long.
When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'


The fifth kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

* Which means you get Nun in the morning,
Nun in the afternoon
And Nun at night.
(Very Popular)


The sixth kind is called: Courtroom Sex.

* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.


And; Last, but not least,

The seventh kind of sex is called: Australian Pension Sex.

* You get a little each month,

But, not enough to enjoy your self.



PLEASE,
DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems!!!