brides 'n joke
 

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
sick, headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says,
"Hung Chow, I really need you today !

You know something , When I feel this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me
sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that "
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.

"I do what you say, feel great. I be work soon.....you got nice house."

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.


His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.


The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,

' How did she know that you drink Budweiser ? '

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,


'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real b*tch this time.'


BOB's funeral will be on Friday.

Some 'Hippe' brides
 

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?'
She hit me.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

bride jikes 'n pics
 

While discussing the Kinsey Reports in a human sexuality course, the class gasped as the instructor read that one woman had several hundred orgasms in a single sexual session. "Wow," a male student said, "who was she?" A female student responded, "The hell with her. Who was he?"
================================================== ===================

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine.
In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
================================================== ================

A man whose wife had just given birth to their first child was visiting the hospital nursery to see his new son.
As the proud father was admiring his handsome baby through the glass partition, he could not help but notice that the baby in the next bassinet seemed frail and sickly-looking by comparison.
Just then a nurse went walking by and the man stopped her for a moment.
"What's the matter with that little fellow?" he asked.
"He seems awfully puny and underweight."
"He's one of those artificial insemination babies," explained the nurse, and he's been coming along rather slowly, I'm afraid."
"Well, that sort of confirms a theory of mine," said the man.
"What's that?" asked the nurse.
Replied the man with a smile., ... "Spare the rod and spoil the child,"
================================================== ===============

busty bride ( and a joke)
 

After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't done in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he procee ded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a lovig voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

I found the remote," he mumbled.

bride pics
 

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

(Loved this one!)

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

bride n joke
 

DIVORCE VS. MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like
to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my
license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things
will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

brides on the potty
 

Needing help to take a pee...

brides and joke
 

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy

This can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a Marriage Awareness Weekend, Robert and Mary listened to the instructor declare

“It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He addressed the men. “Can you each name your wife’s favourite flower?”

Robert leaned over, touched Mary’s arm gently and whispered,

“Self raising, isn’t it?”

Thus began Robert’s life of celibacy

Brides
 

GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!

AGES OF VAGINA:
16 TO 19 BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!

Brides and a test
 

The Wedding Test .. !!


I was a very happy man ... my girlfriend and I were going to be married ....


But, there was one thing bothering me .. her beautiful full figured younger sister . !
She was twenty-two ... always wore tight miniskirts and generally was bra-less ..


She would always bend down when she was near me ... to give me a great view of those luscious tits .. !!
.... it had to be deliberate ... because she never did it when anyone was around.


One day, she called and ask that I come over to check wedding invitations ..


She was alone when I arrived, and after a few minutes told me that her sister was a lucky gal to marry a big hunk like me .. !! .. then admitted that she had strong feelings and desire for me.


She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed to her sister .. !!


Well, I was in total shock .. and couldn't say a word ... !


She said "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last fling, just come up and join me"


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her climb the stairs ...
... and, making up my mind, I made a beeline towards the door and my car parked in the driveway ...


Lord and behold .. my future in-laws were all standing and applauding ..


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said "We are very happy that you have passd this test.
We couldn't ask for a better man to wed our daughter .. Welcome to the family"


.... And the moral of the story is:


... Always keep your condoms in your car ...

one.

nice thread

I am thankful for...
 

..Brides

Click this link for a good laugh on Thanksgiving Day

Tim Hawkins: Things you never say to your wife


http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=3Ok68w_xm_0

A couple more
 

Getting ready shots...

more bride upskirts
 

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

brides
 

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter--haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Honeymoon bride
 

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss




The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts..
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

another honeymooning bride
 

A WOMAN'S PRAYER:


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to
"how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very
best friend.




A MAN'S PRAYER:


I pray for a deaf-mute gymnist nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.



__._,_.___

asasas

adadad

awawaw

aqaqaq

azazaz

acacac

avavava

Honeymoon bride
 

A guy cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear: "Could we make love, please dear?"
She rolled over away from him. "Not tonight, darling, I've got a splitting headache," she replied rather tersely.
Too horny to read the obvious signals the husband pleaded. "Please, honey. I'll only stick it in for a minute"
"What do you think I am," his wife retorted, "a fucking microwave?"

posting more brides
 

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests,

Spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, 'Hello. My name is Carmen.'


'That's a beautiful name,' he replied. 'Is it a family name?'


'No,' she replied. 'Actually I gave it to myself. It

Represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men.

Therefore, I chose 'Carmen'. What's your name?'


He answered 'B.J. Titsengolf'

Sigh! one of my brides was deleted; try these
 

little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said,

4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

º°'°º?O,,,,O?º°'°º?O?º°'°º?O,,,,O?º°'°º?O?º°'°

amazing
 

Thanks for all the pics

They seem to fall into some categories....
dressing pictures
showing something unintentionally
taken after the wedding by the husband modeling stripping bathing etc

But the few pics like this one are just amazing ...the bride seems to be stripping DURING the reception

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...6&d=1228361787

They all seem to be 'normal' weddings (everyone else seems to be dressed except for that shirtless guy)!

Brides in lingerie; cooking brade & 1 waiting on bed
 

A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better, I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?"



The doctor replied, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his

umbrella and went "bang, bang," and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"



The 90-year old man said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver." The doctor said, "My point exactly."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Murphy's Laws On Sex
 

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you,
the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's
offered take it,because it'll never be quite the same again.

4. Sex has no calories.

5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes
the most amount of trouble.

6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what
people think you've got.

8. No sex with anyone in the same office.

9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches
you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and
minds will follow.

12. Virginity can be cured.

13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she
usually stops listening to him.

14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a
man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

anyone know where these are from?
 

Looks like some short of movie scene?

Great bride enf.

nbraide pics with another laugh
 

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checed the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.

Great thread with some amazing pictures. Thanks for sharing and I hope many are added by others.:):)

brides 'n jokes
 

An armed hooded robber bursts into the bank and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'

brides 'n joke
 

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father
said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and
heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to
wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here
by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.

1 bride: gown, honeymoon, and in the woods
 

What is the difference between a hockey
game and a High School reunion?



At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

bride puts on her dress
 

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

dressed and undressed brides
 

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent..... ......... ......... 12 Calories
Without her consent..... ......... ...... 387 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands....... ......... ........ 8 Calories
With one hand........ ......... ......... 22 Calories
With your teeth....... ......... ........ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.... ......... ......... . 6 Calories
Without an erection.... ......... ....... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.... ........ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...... ........ 192 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.. ......... ......... ......... 112 Calories
69 lying down........ ......... ......... 178 Calories
69 standing up.......... ......... ...... 312 Calories
Wheelbarrow. ......... ......... ......... 386 Calories
Doggy Style....... ......... ......... ... 400 Calories
Italian chandelier.. ......... ......... . 972 Calories

ORGASM
Real........ ......... ......... ......... 112 Calories
Fake........ ......... ......... ........ 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..... ......... ..... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately. ......... ....... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately. .....816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old......... ......... ...... 36 Calories
30-39 years....... ......... ......... ... 80 Calories
40-49 years....... ......... ......... ... 124 Calories
50-59 years....... ......... ......... ... 972 Calories
60-69 years....... ......... ......... ... 2916 Calories
70 and over........ ......... ........ Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly...... ......... ......... ......... 32 Calories
In a hurry....... ......... ......... .... 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories