Bride in and out of dress (and a marriage joke)
 

10th Anniversary

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Husband and Wife on their 10th Anniversary.

Wife undresses and says,"What did you think when I stripped for you ten years ago"?

He says,"I wanted to fuck your brains out,and suck your tits dry"

She says,"What are you thinking now"?

"Looks like I did a pretty good job"!!

a cpl
 

great thread by the way ;-)

clothed and unclothed brides
 

and of course; a joke:

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'...and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man and then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:

'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.'

top notch thread and these jokes are LOL


thanks!!!

side by side pics of brides
 

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to
the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my
shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed
in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent
splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at
me for staying out so late!

His buddy looks at him and says 'Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on
the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep.
It Works Every Time!

On July 20, 1969, As Commander Of The Apollo 11 Lunar Module,
Neil Armstrong Was The First Person To Set Foot On The Moon.
His First Words After Stepping On The Moon, 'that's One Small Step For Man, One Giant Leap For
Mankind,' Were Televised To Earth And Heard By Millions.

But Just Before He Reentered The Lander, He Made The Enigmatic Remark 'good Luck, Mr.
Gorsky.'

Many People At Nasa Though It Was A Casual Remark Concerning Some Rival Soviet
Cosmonaut.
However, Upon Check Ing, There Was No Gorsky In Either The Russian Or American
Space Programs.

Over The Years Many People Questioned Armstrong As To What The 'good Luck,
Mr. Gorsky... Statement Meant, But Armstrong Always Just Smiled.

On July 5, 1995, In Tampa Bay , Florida , While Answering Questions Following A Speech, A Reporter
Brought Up The 26-year-old Question To Armstrong. This Time He Finally Responded.

Mr. Gorsky Had Died, So Neil Armstrong Felt He Could Answer The Question.
In 1938 When He Was A Kid In A Small Mid-west Town , He Was Playing Baseball With A Friend In The
Backyard. His Friend Hit The Ball, Which Landed In His Neighbor's Yard By The Bedroom
Windows. His Neighbors Were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.

As He Leaned Down To Pick Up The Ball, Young Armstrong Heard Mrs. Gorsky Shouting At Mr.
Gorsky. 'sex! You Want
Sex?! You'll Get Sex When The Kid Next Door Walks On The Moon!'

this bride has been posted, but here is full set of pix
 

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."

2nd set
 

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

__._,_.___

Bride's - Bräute
 

:)

***** Non-english Text Removed *****

Choosing a wife:
 

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then…………………..

he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Wow
 

bride + freckles + tanlines + 1 figer salute = 4 theads in 1

Gotta adda joke:

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same
sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the
upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman
saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you
be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea', she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good', she replied. 'Get your own fucking blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

full set of bride donning pantyhose
 

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way'

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight... It should be okay next week; but if you remove the splint you will risk permanate damage.'

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched these.'

He just sits there with no reaction.

She then takes off her panties and said 'You're the first; no man has EVER even seen this.'

He stands up and exclaims; 'Baby, I got you beat.'
He drops his pants and replies, .....'Look at this, ....still in the CRATE!'

another bride
 

Q. What does a woman like better than roses on her piano?

A. Tulips on her organ.

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding
she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire
night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected
'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85
year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to
sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and
it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight
and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready
for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy ! each other.


But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am
thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good
once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'



Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I
was here already?'


The moral of the story:


Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages

10 bride pix
 

The other night I was invited out for a night with the
'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
>
> Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too
> easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
>
> Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway
> started up and cuckooed 3 times.
>
> Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I
> cuckooed another 9 times.
>
> I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
> quick-witted solution,
> in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
> totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
> MIDNIGHT!)
>
> The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I
> told him 'MIDNIGHT'.... he didn't seem pissed off in the
> least. Whew, I got away with that one!
>
> Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
>
> When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our
> clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times,
> cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
> tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Only one, but she's cute.

10 bride pics
 

on 10 -1

Two Italian men are at a bus stop talking and a woman next to them overhears their conversation.
"Emma come first, then I come, then two asses come together, then I come again, then two asses come together again, I come again and pee twice, I come one last time."
"You filthy swine!", shouts the woman.
"What?!? I was only telling my friend how to spell Mississippi", replies the Italian man.

outdoor bride
 

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the
birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears.
'Promise me you won't tell me.'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no
Easter Bunny' speech.

At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid,
I'll have nothing left to live for.'

10 brides on 10-10
 

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

wow!
 

very nice!

nice pics :)

bride and car sensational:D:D

Great Pics

Honeymooners
 

A woman was standing in a crowded elevator of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast.

The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me."

So the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don 't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.



Male readers : Please scroll down.

..
..
..
..
...
..
..
..
..
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife

Moral of the story: Women think they're smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

back with more brides
 

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!'
she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes
were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'


An ICU hospital spokesperson said that he is doing as well as can be expected on life support.

women and brides
 

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Bride in the kitchen
 

Kitchen Love

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

He walks in. She turns and says, "You've got to make love to me this
very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day."

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his
all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."

Have a great day !!

bride and bridesmaid.

If you want more pics from the previous post, pm me, mabye we can work something out.

I like this one...

Another marital beauty

some tame ones
 

enjoy

Happy Halloween
 

bride

Hey guys - thanks for the post but look back in this thread - most are repost.

more Brides
 

If God Was A Woman....

1. Sex would smell like chocolate
2. Farts would smell like roses
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh
4. Babies would come from vending machines
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection
6. All women would have the same size breasts
7. There would be no cellulite
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch
10. There would be no "Hooters"
11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in
Hawaii!
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by
wife
16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant
verification of truth
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the
difference between six inches and three inches
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the
cheek
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.


__._,_.___

this set looks way too posed
 

but she has on her vail....

my humble....
 

Contribution to a great thread....

bride
 

putting on her dress

She's Got Great Taste in Panties!
 

I love it when a bride wears a sl*tty thong! That tells me he married the right girl!

I'd love to know the stories behind ALL the pics here. You always wonder if these brides know that their most special intimate moments are being enjoyed by so many. Some of them probably know, others wouldn't mind, but I bet the majority of them would be mortified! .... But that's what makes these pics so HOT!

DD