Originally Posted by osreb (Post 448428)

and of couse aniotehr married life funny:

Do men remember anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room,

'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... 'I would have been released today.'

Originally Posted by osreb (Post 470599)

If God Was A Woman....

1. Sex would smell like chocolate
2. Farts would smell like roses
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh
4. Babies would come from vending machines
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection
6. All women would have the same size breasts
7. There would be no cellulite
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch
10. There would be no "Hooters"
11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in
Hawaii!
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by
wife
16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant
verification of truth
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the
difference between six inches and three inches
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the
cheek
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.


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Originally Posted by dizzledorf (Post 907093)

Blond bride & her pokies.