From some cheesy 80s T&A film..."Well then I guess a blowjob is out of the question."

Don't remember the movie and don't know why it's stuck with me, but it just cracks me up.

This is years ago with my shy wife. Totally uncharacteristic and a complete one-off -

I was fingering her like crazy (three fingers) and her eyes were rolling back in her head.

Me - "Is that good?"
Her - "Mmmmm yeah."
Me - "What would you like me to do?"
Her - "Fuck me".
Me - "Tell me what you want."
Her - "Fuck me."
Me - "Where do you want me to fuck you?"
Her - "In my c u n t."
Me - "Tell me what you want then." Here eyes were still rolling and I was three knuckles deep.
Her - "Fuck me in the c u n t."

Of course I obliged and I came like I've never come before.

That occasion was never repeated. I didn't even know she knew the c-word.

Said by my wife of over 40 years, very early in our relationship, as I was putting the kettle on .....
"Let's make love, not tea".

So here's one that was directly said to me...

"Well. I enjoyed that a lot more than I expected. I mean, a lot more."

My wife said after our first time having anal sex.

Erotic and hilarious
 

Years ago, a friend and I and our girlfriends were having all kinds of fun on his kingsized bed.
At one point, my girlfriend was on top of me and leaning to the side so she could kiss and caress the breasts of my friend's girlfriend who was laying on her back. My friend was on his knees driving into her and holding her legs by the ankles straight up toward the ceiling, pumping away.
All of a sudden he stopped and said "How do you drive one of these things?"
We all cracked up for minutes...before getting down to business once again.
Hope that little remembrance brought you a smile.

Tough guy noirish short story from a 70's men's magazine (Cavalier?) pilfered from my dad's poorly hidden stash:

"Pussy makes us all predictable."

My wife has had a few during our swinging adventures. I recall her being bent over by the husband of my first GF from high school (they're swingers too) as he fucked her ass "Oh shit I'm dripping from my c*nt!" haha

I was 16 working as a busboy in the children's dining room of a small hotel on the Catskills. The closest girls in age to me were counselors who were all college freshmen --- so, around 18. Since they all ate in the children's dining room, we were friendly but not in a romantic way.

Late in the summer, I was alone with one of them in a gazebo on the lawn and started kissing. SHE STUCK HER TONGUE IN MY MOUTH. Definitely a first for me and I loved it. A little later she told me I could get to third base but would never get home. I was too naive to take advantage of it and long since have realized that I should have said "if I get to third, I could steal home." She soon gave up on me and nothing more happened with her.

Funny thing is, just after that, I was with a girl my age who was staying at a nearby summer bungalow. We walked back to her place and sat talking in another gazebo outside of her place. She went in and came back out in pajamas. We started kissing and I tried my new-found skill of sticking my tongue in her mouth. She jumped up like she had been stuck by lightning and ran inside.

Just a few from my memoirs mainly involving spraying payloads of cum all over the women in my life (follow the links for more details)

“You better bl00dy not cum in me”

“I think I'm going to be sick”

“don’t leave anything in my mouth”

“A little salty”

"Help me"

Having dinner with a co-worker - she says to me "I can't wait until the next time I see my ex-husband. I'm going to tell him how much I love to suck cock now, because I hated it when we were Married"

Bone-jumpin'
 

A few years ago, I worked with a lady who was a bit petite, rather busty, and an avid runner, which kept the package pretty tight. But, she was a boss of sorts - not someone to whom I directly reported, but higher in "rank" than me and also reported to my boss. Anyway, being of Mediterranean extraction, she could say things that one may think flirty, but I just passed off as her personality. I mean, I really thought our relationship was totally professional, even after she poked at the hair on my chest one day. So, once we were both in Tunis (we were visiting for different reasons) when I went to meet her for drinks at her very nice hotel. Over like the first drink, she simply stated, "I want to jump your bones." Well, points to Canadians for saying things plainly, but I was actually a bit surprised. Then I sort of felt unprepared and, frankly, a bit out of shape. In the end, she chickened out half-way to her room, but it was still a fun experience and the first time someone has hit me with that line. We had a flight to the same city together the next day and she arranged for us to both sit next to each other on the flight, during which we made out a bit, but then she saw someone at the airport she new and sort of lost her courage. I really should have done more to follow up on that.

It was my first date with Megan, a girl I went out with for a couple of months in college. She had small breasts with very prominent nipples. She wore a thin silk shirt that made the outlines of her nipples visible. We went out for dinner then back to my house for a night of great sex. I made a comment at one point about her nipples driving me crazy all night.

“They were supposed to. Don’t ever think you can see a woman’s nipples and she doesn’t know.”

Many years ago when I was in my early 20's I was in Brazil with work. On the final evening before heading homeyself and a work colleague, who was perhaps 50ish, went out from the hotel for a drink... a couple of beers after work. We were sat at a table at a roadside bar and on the next table were two very sexy local ladies. They spoke a little english and we got chatting. One of the girls was obviously flirting with me and I wont deny she was hot as hell. Super figure, Very short mini skirt, tight top and lovely nipple pokies. As she was talking to me she kept leaning over so I could see her cleavage and would playfully touch my arm or thigh.
The girls said they were off to a nightclub and do I want to join them. We had an early flight next morning and so said no. "You can bring your Dad!" Pointing to my colleague which didnt impress him, calling him my Dad, but amused me. Still a no from me. Then the girl who had been flirting all night leant over, her breasts brushing against my arm and whispered into my ear "I want to fuck you!"
She smelt delicious and my cock stood straight up. Oh how I was tempted and I still regret to this day almost 40 years later not going with them.
However if I had gone I would probably have had a fab night and missed my flight or ended up in a ditch with my wallet gone!

These are all covered in another thread but the stand-outs have to be:

1. "Next time, you're going to come on my face" after a very pleasant evening with an old girlfriend.

2. "Would you fuck me from behind?" one morning in a hotel room as I'm about to leave for work.

3. "Do something dominant!" by my one and only virgin, many years ago!

About 30 years ago, I caught up with an ex. She'd been quite submissive and I'd introduced her to anal sex. We got talking and it became quite intimate again very easily and I asked her if there was anything she missed about us. Quick as you like she just said "Yes - anal sex"!!


"...nobody has ever fucked my arse like you did - not before or since - and the way you held me...!!" said another ex-partner (who I'm still in regular contact with).


An ex's sister-in-law who happened to be in the same pub as me and who was with one of my ex's sisters told me: "I want you to take us home - and you're dropping HER off first..."!!!

She got more and more excited, quite breathless and when she pulled me very close, I thought maybe she was about to pop then she whispered to me:

"I need to you to hurt me..."!!!!

Wasn't really in that zone at that point! Oops!!!


On a much later occasion, I came home to find my submissive little lady halfway up (or down) the stairs in just a VERY short skirt and a tiny, little lycra top:

"Jimmy's here" she quietly confessed. Jim was a friend, our hairdresser and had also been jointly responsible for C's first threesome with me!

"And?" I (sort of) demanded (not too seriously)......

"He said I was wearing too many clothes so I got changed"

!!!!!

"AND?" (this time a bit more firmly)

"I was going to let him spank me"

!!!!!

Something that wasn't spoken but was included in a text conversation where a particularly special lady was discussing her unusual propensity for orgasm and she dropped in:

"And then there's the ones where I need to be fucked after because my internal muscles get so painful, it's the only way to release them"!!!


The day after a nice session with a lovely, submissive woman I was seeing several years ago. can't remember if I rang her of she rang me but we exchanged the usual pleasantries where I naturally asked "How are you?"

"A bit sore where you stretched me but other than that, fine"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Another of my previous submissive ladies rang me one day while on a site survey with a particularly high-profile client. It was her number so I wandered away from the main group a little to answer.

There was no introduction, no pleasantries - just a lot of very heavy breathing and some very drawn out, panted words:

"God.........I ........need........that..........fucking ............d*g..............NOW!!!"

And with that, she very audibly exploded into orgasm while I tried to make sure no-one else heard!!!

Anything?
 

"You can do anything you like!"

Said by my wife
 

"Tell me what you want me to do."

"You want him to see me naked?"

"Is it okay if I let him fuck me?"

"I'll dance naked for you and your friends."

"His cum tastes good."

"I like it when he sucks on my clit."

One from real life; plus Two jokes you've likely heard before
 

I was good friends with a cute female coworker, both of us married to others, so we behaved and never messed around with each other; just pals enjoying each others' company. But the others in our crew just assumed we were always up to something, so we just let them think what they wanted to think. One day we're all together just arrived at a new field office, choosing where to stash our personal gear. My friend found two stacked cabinets, and loud enough for the rest to hear, she says to me "You were on the bottom last time, now I think it's your turn to be on top."

Here's a quote you've probably all heard: Two women chatting, one asks the other "Do you usually smoke after having sex?" The other one answers: "Gosh, I don't know, I never looked down there."

And another: Q: What 3 words do you never want to hear when you're upstairs having sex? A: "Honey, I'm home!"

"You can see, I'm on my period. Then you have to fuck my asshole!"

It was said by a woman I had met online less than 24 hours earlier. Blond, very tall (taller than me), skinny type and 29 years old. She had told me earlier she was on her period, then this quote came as a surprise factor, as I wasn't expecting sex. I could never forget this quote, but also coudn't forget that tight asshole!

Years ago when my wife and I were naked, on a blanket, in a woods. She's very reserved.
I was three-fingering her and her eyes were rolling back.
Me "What do you want?"
Her "You know."
Me "Tell me what you want."
Her "Fuck me."
Me "Where do you want me to fuck you?"
Her "You know."
Me "Tell me where you want me to fuck you."
Her "In my c*nt."
Me "So tell me what you want."
Her "I want you to fuck me in my c*nt."
Me - Like a gentleman I obliged. Who wouldn't. She did have a nice c*nt.
Until then I had never heard her utter the fuck and c*nt words - and she hasn't used them since.

Which reminds me....

It's a little deviation from the thread but it still makes me laugh 40-plus years later!

My then girlfriend and I (17, maybe 18 at the time) were banging away on her parents' sofa one day while they were away and the radio was on at the time. Things were quite energetic until the point where Paul Burnett suddenly cut through with "...and whatever you're doing, you're doing it better with Radio One!"

And almost instantly, I wasn't!!!

There was a 4 some on the "big" screen and one of the actors says "you gotta nice ass, I think I'll fuck it!".
Later in the movie a couple was doing it in the tub soaping each other up and a patron yells "just having some good clean fun!".

"He fucked me."
 

As soon as she walked in the door, I took her suit case. We hugged. I kissed her, then I asked "How was your trip?"

She said, "He fucked me."

About about an hour or so later my wife showed me me these pix on her phone. I made her tell me every detail.

We fucked like animals.

My friends were getting divorced. I went to see the wife to hang out and chat, given we had been friends for 20 years. She said, "God, I have to get this divorced finalized quickly. I have a list of 10 guys I am going to fuck the day I sign those papers. If you weren't married, you'd be near the top of that list. God, I love men so much and their dicks." This friend was, I thought, rather conservative sexually. They ended up not getting divorced, though.

My mother in law, who is a very conservative alt right religious type, overheard me say, "Well, the primary purpose of sex is to reproduce and save our species," then from another room, I heard her say, rather upset, "No, sex is really fun. You can have a lot of fun having sex. I have had fun in so many places having sex!" Hearing an ultra conservative 70yo say that in front of extended family was interesting to say the least!

My fun sister in law (not my wife's sister) said to me while we were doing dishes on a trip, "Her brother [my wife's brother] is such a freak in bed. He won't let me talk about it to anyone, but I am hoping he will let me share all the details with you. He's such a freak. I just can't keep it to myself any more." She has yet to tell me, and it's been almost 10 years now. I bring it up to her from time to time, and her smile is just enormous.

30-ish years ago while working retail, these girls were talking and giggling about sex (many were still virgins but wouldn't admit it because they were basically college age), and it was obvious that they were making things up. One of the older women employees was standing there, and she said, "My husband's cock tears me up inside every time. It's not good sex until I feel the pain of him ripping my pussy to shreds." That ended the sex talk at work forever. The girls were so shocked, they didn't know what to say.

My best platonic female friend just after high school was telling me about having friends at her apartment pool when her bikini top came up and she was slow putting it down because she said it was fun seeing the guys stare. She said, "But if you were there, I would have been pissed if you looked," which made me feel bad, but then she said, "Damn, as soon as you leave, I am going to masturbate for like an hour thinking about it, though." Later that night I asked her if she masturbated after I left, and she said, "Like I would tell you, but, yes, I think I am good for a day or two."

I hope that Poem's count as Erotic Quites?
 

I went out with a playful girlfriend that did nothing but tell me Naughty Poems and plenty of them!
It's funny that I still remember many of them today, but she told me that's what the girls did at work saying or making up these things!

There once was a Young Soldier from Bates that went out on a pair of skates!
He fall on his Cutlass, that rendered him Nut less and practically useless on Dates~!
:)

More to come if this is Ok?

I feel, young, virginal and violated
 

After fingering a girls ass she whispered, "I feel young, virginal and violated".... Super hot and the only squirter I've had.

"You have a beautiful cock " as she proceeded to suck me off!

Sometimes I regret this one, but not at that time!
 

Coming home from a night at the BAR I happen to see my buddy's sister walking home, so I stopped to give her a ride home! I did notice that she had just about as many drinks as I had from another BAR, so we started some playful talk~
I pulled into a dark Private parking place and we started doing some thrilling tongue swapping!
I can't remember if I had more on my mind, but I didn't feel her off yet!
The next thing I knew was she had my pants opened up and my growing cock out!
She said in a loud statement, "I just Love cock" - then she went down and started doing oral on me while rubbing my Balls too! When it was time for me to CUM, I tried to either back out or lift her head up but she kept it down and I got to CUM in her mouth!
While she was doing it, I did get to feel her tits and get a little grope on her crotch!
I later got to do the same with her stunning girlfriend that she always was hanging out with, but I felt bad cause it was her GF that I wanted to go out with more!
:o

Another Poem from the same girlfriend!
 

As I awoke this morning when all sweet things are born,
a Robin perched upon my sill to hail the coming dawn.
The bird was fragile, young and gay.
So sweetly did it sing, that thoughts of joy into my mind did wing.
I chuckled at its cheery song, then came a moments lull.
I gently closed the Window and crushed its fucking Skull~

This GF amazed me with all of her naughty poems!
:eek:

Two words
 

“Yes, please”

That’s what my wife said the morning after our first mfm, and I had asked her if she wanted to do it again. It burned into my memory, the sexiness of hearing her voice that she wanted to be used by me and my best friend again.

"Last night was hard. I was so horny listening to you two fucking in the next bed, but I had to pretend to be asleep." - my ex's BFF who we shared hotel room with during our trip. We told her to not pretend to sleep next time. She didn't.

Ugh! My dream to be sharing a hotel room with others and then sex starts; not necessarily sharing or swapping, but just each couple has sex with their partners, or in your case the third wheel watches or masturbates.

I get so jealous when I find out that most people we know have done this, especially the people you would have never expected to do something like this!

Maybe some day, but as we get older, the changes seem less and less likely.

So true
 

It's only happened once in my life. My brother was sleeping in the hotel bed about 10 ft. from where I was taking my girlfriend from behind (laying on her side) in the morning. She was a screamer so I had to put my hand over her mouth. My brother didn't stir, but I'd be surprised if didn't know what was going on. Sadly, I don't see this ever happening again in my life.

Back to the topic at hand. My favorite erotic quote was a different girlfriend screaming "Fuck me you fucker!" It was the first time I had heard dirty talk, so it left quite an impression.

The weird thing is that things like this happened out of nowhere for me. We didn't plan it to be like that at all. It was just a normal trip with the three of us. She got tired and head back to the room first without us. Then we got back, saw her in bed asleep, and we only planned to sleep too, but my ex joked around teasing and whatnot once we were in bed. One thing led to another, and we just kind of forgot that she was there. Didn't even know that we were giving a show at the time.

I agree that it gets more difficult to find a chance like this as we get older. Seems like such thing can only happen in adult resort/cruise, but it's just not the same. But you never know.

We had a really good boyfriend for the wife for several years. Half the time he'd come over to our place, the other half she'd go over to his place. When he came to our place we'd threesome her, which she loved. We'd get her between us and foreplay her to a fever pitch and then she'd say, "One of you guys needs to fuck me." That was the boyfriend's cue to climb on. I always let him go first.

When she went to his place she always went alone. One warm summer afternoon I watched her get showered and all fixed up, short skirt, no underwear, hair nicely coiffed, and off she went. A couple of hours later she comes home looking slightly disheveled, reeking of pussy juice and cum, and flops on the couch.

"How was it?" I asked.
"Oh god." She let out a long sigh. "He fucks me so good."

I just always remember sitting down the pub with my female friend and she was talking about how she was getting her car fixed and had done a deal with the two mechanics doing the repairs, it always sounds so cliché but she had offered to pay them in kind. It was just when she said "the mechanics want to give me a damn good seeing too as payment"

The closer the day got the more worried she got so eventually I stopped it from ever happening by paying the repair bill. The idea of her doing it was a turn on but letting it happen would have just messed her head up.

Had a FWB situation with an old school mate for a couple of years before I met my wife.

During one boozy afternoon we ended up back at mine, I was in my boxers, she was in one of my T-shirts and we I guess were slowly building up to something

Noticing my dick tenting in my boxers she said:

“I like that thing”

I replied: “What do you like about it?”

“The size”



That was good enough for me. I knew her last and she’d see A LOT of dicks over the years so that comment was particularly satisfying

Long time ago, in a car with a younger lady.

You're a great kisser, I need to try the rest of you.


And she did.