Labor Day Weekend
 

time to party

babes + booze
 

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'
Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon,and martinis into urine. And, we're pretty damn good at it too!!'

on the beach

A drink in one hand and a cock in the other. I guess, for women, it doesn't get much better than that. :D

Thanks

Fango

A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom
Blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
Bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
Hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
Bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
Beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time , the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
Her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor
Moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it and Not me?'
'Because he has............
A LICKER LICENSE!

A third of the same woman in pictures 5&6 of post 37, plus another new one

Scientific studies have shown that if you drink a litre of water each day for a year,you will consume a kilo of the e-coli bacteria,which is faeces found in water,in other words you will consume a kilo of shit!!
However if you drink alcohol,be it whisky,gin,vodka,beer or wine,this problem will not occur as the distillation process will kill off any parasites.Therefore it is healthier to drink alcohol rather than water.
In effect it is better to drink alcohol.and talk shit,instead of drinking water and being full of it.
Here endeth the lesson

Drinking wisdom
 

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up . . . reading." Henny Youngman

"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." Dave Barry

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." Ernest Hemmingway

"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror." John Mooney

"I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver." Phil Harris

"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself

Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'
Maxine: 'No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.'
Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?'

Maxine: 'No, they spread.

all excellent so far. Anyone have the upshort shot of the college girl with the beer. Think its a coors light, and its clear she ain't wearin' undies... I haven't seen that one in a while.

10 boozin babes on 10-10
 

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per Year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a Year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

boozing babes
 

man walks into a bar and sees this beautiful barlady... he goes up to her and says:
"if u can guess how long my penis is u can hav a ride"
the bar lady blushes and replies:
"If u can guess my penis size..........."

3 business men met at a convention in LA and were sitting in a bar. The beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.

"But," said the guy from Georgia, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Atlanta. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."

The 2nd guy said "Well, at my local bar in Dallas, the owner will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."

"Hell, that's nothin'," the 3rd guy responded. "Back in Boston there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house."

The first 2 immediately doubted his claims. "And this actually happened to you?" asked the Texan.

No, not myself personally," admitted the Bostonian. "But it did happen to my sister."



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Somehow I think these qualify for here....
 

not sure if any of these are reposts on this site or not, but I felt they belonged in this topic...

Th talking clock
 

After the bar closed, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's that big brass gong?'' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.
'
A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch,' the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,'You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!'
__________________

Happy Halloween
 

boozing babes

Election Day
 

your guy wins - drink to celebrate

your guy loses - drink to forget

either way - OCC wins

suspose to be true drunk confessions
 

Me and my friend Miranda got really drunk and as our friend was driving us home we pulled up to a car of hot guys, took off our shirts and bras, put our phone numbers in the cups and threw it over to them. They called us the next morning… Miranda is now married to one of them.

One night, my girlfriend and I decided to get drunk with a girlfriend of hers, and her husband. I had just gotten paid so I didn’t care if I spent a lot of money on alcohol. The dude bought a load too… liquor, mudslide mix, wine coolers and beer. We starting mixing everything like idiots and got slammed, luckily we brought a camera with us. The girls got wild and stripped for us and ended up giving us head while we sat their drinking beer and playing chess. A night to remember.

One night after a hard day of pounding Absolute Club & Cran’s I walked around to my apartments front porch and being such a nice evening (I think) I passed out on my porch glider. When I awoke several hours later I found that my wife and one of her friends had stripped me down to my underwear and decorated my entire body with multi coloured magic marker tattoo’s!

more boozin babes
 

A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender “Does this look like Mike Tyson?”

Bartender says “No.”


She then asks “Does this look like Evander Holifield?”


Bartender says “Nope sorry.”


She’s says “Well I want another opinion.” She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her inner right thigh and asks him “Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?”


Drunk guy says “No.”


She points to her inner left thigh and asks “Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?”


Drunk guy says “No but the one in the middle looks like Don King.”



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am thankful for...
 

..babes who drink and get naked.

Everyone loves drunk chicks...literaly

Two pics ...
 

... one of the morning after and the other of some friendly females at play!

think she's had too much?

Alcohol Troubleshooting
 

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.


SYMPTOM: Drink unusually pale and tasteless
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION Get someone to buy you another drink.

S: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
F: You have fallen over backward.
A: Have yourself leashed to the bar.

S: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
F: You have fallen forward.
A: See above.

S: Floor blurred.
F: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
A: Get someone to buy you another drink.

S: Floor moving.
F: You are being carried out.
A: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

S: Room seems unusually dark.
F: Bar has closed.
A: Confirm home address with bartender.

S: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
F: Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
A: Cover mouth.


S: Drink is crystal-clear.
F: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
A: Punch him.

S: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
F: You've wandered into the wrong party.
A: See if they have free alcohol.

S: Your singing sounds distorted.
F: The drink is too weak.
A: Have more alcohol until your voice improves.

S: Don't remember the words to the song.
F: Drink is just right.
A: Play air guitar.

way to much to drink....
 

...gonna regret it

Liquid goes in, top goes up...

good sequence
 

girl falls down,

girl skins her knees,

girl on couch trying to heal,

girl is written on,

Am am sure all of the above ocured while she is under the influence,

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...7&d=1213500156


oh so sexy!!

Saturday's boozers
 

I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....
Scared the shit out of me.�
So that's it!
After today, no more reading.

Be Safe this New Yer's Eve
 

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENESS

Stage 1 - CLEVER

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always
right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong.

This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.



Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE

This is when you realise that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you.

Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.



Stage 3 - RICH


This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still
CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH.

You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.



Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE


You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.




Stage 5 - INVISIBLE


This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snog the face off them for the same reason.

You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you.

You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.

Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the bloody height of this flagpole, but we don't have a bloody ladder.'

The blonde took out an adjustable wrench from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.

She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches...

Then, she walked off.

Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We
need the bloody height and she gives us the bloody length.'

Heres some more, hope no reposts

Some more boozy babes:)

Cheers to teh new Pres
 

The Mustang Ranch and $750 billion bail-out
Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in
Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our
country and trillions of dollars to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't
make money running a wh*r* house and selling booze.

Now if that doesn't make you nervous, what does???

:p girls drinking

more drink and show :)

10 Ways to Know She Isn't Going to Hook Up With You
 

10. It’s Halloween, She Isn’t Wearing a Costume.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Halloween party, but it’s literally like the girls were given numbers and those numbers corresponded a page number from the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Give it up, and go for the nurse who forgot to wear her lab coat.

9. You’re Dancing with Her, She’s Not Dancing with You
Easiest way to hook up with a girl is on the dance floor. But first you have to get her dancing. If you’re pulling out your leg kicks and spin moves and the only movement she’s making is when you forcibly move her hips, she’s not into it. Don’t worry though, she’d probably be really boring naked anyways.

8. You’re Drunk, She Isn’t
This one’s obvious. You’re having a conversation with a girl, trying to exude confidence and intelligence and self-worth. But the only thing you’re actually doing is slurring your speech and looking like a complete goofball. And it isn’t cute funny because she’s sober enough to realize you’re a drunk ****.

7. You're with Your Friends, Who Are Girls

Oh dude, girls totally love competing with other girls. Wrong; I don’t really think so. Girl friends will most likely be a b*tch to your target, trying to make it as hard as possible to succeed. Your potential hookup does not want to be ignored by a bunch of girls she doesn’t know, who probably aren’t even mildly attractive.

6. Every Time You Talk to Her, She Runs to Her Friends and Laughs
She isn’t laughing with you. Are you even laughing? She also isn’t giggling because you’re so dapper and handsome. Her and her friends are laughing because you’re a creep and they all know that you’re never going to get some.

5. The Night’s Winding Down, You’re in a Group Setting
The most difficult transition is from a relaxed group setting to a one-on-one setting. This is because you have to make your move in front of everyone and there’s no way to be discreet at all. You’re either going to freeze up when the time comes, or she’s going to feel extremely awkward being hit on in a group and deny you. You should’ve closed the deal when you were in a loud, noisy room.

4. She Keeps Telling You to Go Have Fun with Your Friends
Translation: Get the f*ck away from me. Nice girls are cute, but sometimes it’s just annoying how they won’t tell you the truth. Believe me, she is not going to be charmed by you saying, “No babe I want to spend time with you.” She does not want that. She might as well say: “Go do anything else as long as it doesn’t involve me in any way.” She could tell you to step in front of a bus or something. Politely say 'okay' and just go get drunk with your friends—this nice girl is not worth it.

3. Her Friends Are Visiting
Okay get real. Do you really think you’re going to pull this off? Do you think this girl invited her friends from God knows where just so they could see you hookup with her? No way. She’s not taking you home. Go for the friend instead. They were definitely thinking about strange men on the trip to your school.


2. You’re Hitting on Her via Text Message
We’ve all done it, and we’ve all failed. Nothing’s sexier than “Cme 2 my rm 2nite” right? How could a girl even stand after such a display of swagger? It’s cowardly; it’s embarrassing; and it does not work. Most likely she won’t respond, and you will have written proof that you suck until you delete your sent messages. Keep your game on a personal level.

1. She’s Sleeping
Please leave her alone. Don’t be that guy. Her eyes aren’t closed in ecstasy. She’s breathing heavily because she’s f*cking passed out. Go sleep somewhere else bud.

more happy girls

girls love to drink

more drinks