Wine
 

I was working as a chef for a restaurant back in my country. I was in a relationship four years ago. It was Friday night, really late. 30min before the end of my shift. I had a txt from my best ever female friend, not my girlfriend.
"take a bottle of wine from the restaurant's collection and it's up to you where to place it..."

the most straight forward text I've received was
 

"I need to get laid". I called back almost immediately, and was rock hard before she could answer! I tried to play it cool, but I was stumbling over words,trying to cope with sudden loss of blood to my brain. Her tits are my avatar.

I do renovations and one of my first clients was a mid 40 single women buying her first apartment. She was a difficult client and near the end she was becoming a b*tch. Anyway fast forward about 3 years I get a text from her asking why I have ignored her. I play dumb and ask her lots of questions. I find out she is quite a sl*t and she had 2 Jasons in her phone and she thought I was the gu she hooked up with a month ago. So we start sexting and she starts to send pics etc. This went on for a few days. Got to love to finding out about her kinks etc. Especially when she was threating lawsuits

Not exactly on topic, but close enough. My ex had mental hangups when it came to sex, and she's got a pretty public job. So with those two factors, pictures were a no go. Except for one time we were sexting pretty good, and when she was nice and worked up I FaceTimed her. I got a damn good show, and a few screen caps to remember it by.

I have got her to start sending me nudie pictures when I work late. She gets me pretty worked up. I think she likes my comments and getting me worked up

My wife went to visit her sister a few years back, there was some function at church on Sunday morning for a nephew and from which I excused myself. Wife went there Saturday afternoon so she'd be there on time the next day. The two women took down a couple of bottles of wine in the evening, got majorly drunk, and about 1030 at night I get a drunk dial from an extremely horny Toni. She gushed on and on for a whole hour.

"Your dick is so fucking big, God I love how you fuck me."

"I can't believe how big your cock is. I don't know how it even fits in me."

"I can barely get my hand around your cock, it hardly fits in my mouth."

"When you fucked me the other day, and came in me, and we were laying there afterward, and your cock was semi hard and laying against your leg, omg I can't stop thinking about how that looked and how much I want your fucking cock."

An hour of stuff like this. Not gonna lie, I was hard like a glass rod from this discussion. She finally passed out.
The hangover the next day in church is described as a near death experience.

Then on her way home, she calls up and starts talking about this call and how embarrassed she was, etc. I'm like, "What call?" I acted like she had a dream, and to this day she's a bit unsure as to whether there was a call or not. We still laugh about it.

I enjoyed this post, but there's no way I'm clicking "thanks" - if you have a cock that creates this kind of reactions, you don't need my compliments!

She sure likes it. ;)

a friend of ours
 

while not a text I recieved, I am going to share as it was hilarious!
Our friend Tracy had came over one evening to "help me work on my car".
Actually he was over to join in another threesome with wife and I. He made a trusty friend as he was married also, thus discretion was crucial for all involved. His wife was rather frigid, hardly ever satisfying him.
We were winding down after play and enjoying a cold beer when he glanced at his cell phone and said "damn it, I knew the b*tch would do that!" He showed us his phone. His wife had just texted "come home and fuck me", she had included a pic of her c*nt also.
While wife and I couldn't help but laugh, we also realized his dilemma. Granted he is 15 years younger than us and quite virile, in the past 2 hours or so his fat dick had pumped two loads in wifes pussy, one in her face, and one in her ass. And now he had to go service his wife!
We asked him later how it went. He said he had lucked out and she was asleep when he got home which gave him some time to recoup and reload. and that he fucked her silly later that nite.

best call ever
 

Got a call from my fiance one night about two hours after she was supposed to be home from work. Figuring she had found a diversion, i answered, first thing i heard was her gagging and moaning. After listening a few moments, i heard her start to laugh then the phone jostled as she picked it up from the floor board. She informed me she was in her coworkers van, and that she'd be a little later because he had a "swelling problem" he desperatly needed her help with.

Her phone had fell off the seat and she'd accidentally hit it and it called me. Best "butt dial" ever.