Saturday Night Funnies: FEAST OR FAMINE
 

1. It looks like the new secretary will be getting plenty of overtime pay for cumming in on a Saturday.
2. Sure...she agreed to the threesome...but that was before she saw the back door man's HUGE erection.
3. "This is the second time this week you've gotten called in for an emergency work meeting...what kind of emergencies do video game programmers have?" (Uh oh...your affair with Lara Croft is about to be discovered)
4. "Big tits in a little bra...big tits in a little bra" (Channeling Chris Farley as Tommy Boy)
5. "Most of my water is gone! Who drank my water? " ( Salty air, too much sun and 23 bong hits can create paranoia)
6. Take what you want. Eat what you take. Suffer the consequences.

Sunday After Church Humor: God wants you to laugh.
 

1. After a closer look with her new bifocals , Tina realized it wasn't a herpes sore after all...just a bit of lint.
2. What happens when retired Rockettes visit Africa.
3. Hmmm...someone threw away a perfectly good super hero.
4. Silverado ad execs argued about this one as it implies their trucks might need repair. On the other hand...pussy fucking sells trucks!
5. The trouble with dating an Oklahoma girl is you might lose her to a rival...or a twister.

Hump Day Humor
 

1. See? This thread has "BBC" too...
2....and starfish!
3. Ikea's hiring of Female Flashing Cart Caddies has boosted sales to record territory.
4. Now that Mrs. Cougar has made you that nice dinner she has something she'd like you to do to...uh...FOR...her.
5. "Dear Mom and Dad...college is great. Guess what? Thanks to the vengeful boyfriend I just broke up with I 'm going to be appearing in something on the Internet called 'I Love You Funny Face! ( Her parents will be very proud)
6. She kinda makes you think about cinnamon rolls, doesn't she?
7. Kate's Home Improvement...She can waterproof your deck and harden your dick in one afternoon.
8. Out behind the wood pile is still the place where a lot of dicipline happens.
9. After the intense afternoon quickie they burned out like a couple of shooting stars.
10. This ought to make your Wednesday.

Attack of the Alien Laser Eyed Cats
 

1. Carefully, Erica, now blind, navigated the carpet...ever so frightened of stepping on the alien cat with the laser eyes again.
2. Too late. She sees you...and now you belong to her.
3. "Joe! Come see what's on the TV!" (That Lilli was quite the kidder)
4. Before they even got to her floor, Naomi knew her new perfume was about to deliver all the attention the ad had promised...at least she THOUGHT it was the perfume.
5. "OK...about that cum facial you're always talking about...it's now or never, Bub. "
6. "My sister said getting 'hosed' was lots of fun. Frankly, I think it's a little cold on the coochie!"
7. Some women have never outgrown the urge to play with their food.
8. Lucky you! You chose what was behind Door Number Two instead of what was in the box in the X-rated version of "Let's Make A Deal"
9. "Well, Ms. Finch, it appears you haven't been working on those fourth quarter figures at all!" (Some employers expect more than pussy piercings)
10. "Here's a four letter word for what you guys want to do now...W-A-N-K...hey, I get ten points!"

1. Face to face with the deadly, one-eyed trouser snake it's best to remain perfectly still. It's vision is based on movement.
2. "No! I don't want to be in some goddam Humor thread on an Internet wank site!" ( You should have said something sooner)
3. She said: "Hmmm...I wonder if I should take these breasts out?" ( Oh, the irony!)
4. We've ALL wanted to do this...and this lucky bastard got to!
5. Look at it this way, if she falls for you...she dies.
6. "Topless Skiing or crucifixion?" ( A deleted scene from "Life of Brian"
7. I know... You kinda want her to blow you...but you're also a little creeped out.
8. Her boyfriend, under the table, just found the little man in the rowboat.
9. "Yo sistahs! I gots to be hunchin', Y'all might be down for some righteous carpet munchin'! " ( Bad lesbian rap)
10. The kids are at school. Hubby is at work. Mom finally gets a little "me" time.

1. "Are you tawkin' to me? Are you tawkin' to ME?" (Megan does her best 'Taxi Driver' impression)
2. No, Megan...she ain't tawkin' to you.
3. Gina attempts to insert a 34 ounce baseball bat in her rectum to celebrate the Indians going up 2-0 on the Red Sox in the playoffs.
4. Alligators are responsible for half the sexual assaults in Florida. Don't walk alone near the water.
5. "Excuse me ma'am...I'm a celebrity. May I grab your pussy?" ( Trump this)
6. "Strangely, everything is blooming since I quit wearing bloomers."
7. He's Sven...the most interesting Swede in the world: "I don't often engage in vices, but when I do, I enjoy weed, wine, beer, Internet porn, anonymous women, hookahs, Nutela, bacon and furry little pussies...especially furry little pussies."

Saturday Funnies
 

1. "Noooo! You've been looking at me all day in a skimpy bikini...but you can't see me in my bra!" (It's all about design and material?)
2. "Noooo! I wanted to be in Mulder's 'Bed Bath and Beyond' thread! I don't want to in his humor thread." (No whinning in amateur porn)
3. When your boyfriend is a cop, you're always prepared for a good frisking.
4. All that graffiti ruins the neighborhood...but I still like the view by the river.
5. "Yeah... My boyfriend really enjoys all our bathroom sex and watersports, but he never helps with the cleanup afterwards!"
6. Ever miss the days when secretaries were willing sex objects? WHEN was that, by the way?
7. It's always nice when the first rider in your morning carpool is beautiful, busty...and an abscent minded dresser without her A.M. coffee.
8. Of course, public transportation is always better than carpooling.
9. Proud of her college grades, her parents bought her that new cell phone. Lucky us...She's smart enough to know just how to use it.
10. How to know when your girlfriend is really unsatisfied with your cunnilingus technique. (Never date an emotional NRA member)

Hey Dick Face!
 

1. "Wanna kiss me now?"
2. " Hey, if I tell a lie will it get any bigger?"
3. Shhhh! It's Super Librarian!
4. "This surf and turf meal seems a little too literal for my taste."
5. And he spoke in a high voice the rest of his days.
6. Imagine the confusion of the millions of tiny sperm searching desperately for an egg they'll never find.
7. "Well, the size is about right...but I don't know about these sharp things..." ( Finding the right sex toy can be challenging )

You think this is fucking funny???
 

1. Laura has what they call a "Traffic Cone Fetish." She can't help it. Don't judge.
2. Another reason why you should never ever run with scissors.
3. Sometimes "No" really means "Never."
4. This huntress has the best lure ever, and YOU, my friend, are her prey. Tough luck.

Boobs & Babe's
 

We got 'em.

1.It never ceased to amaze Jeff as to how many women bought his story as 'A professional breast adjuster.'

2.Having spent every penny that the government had given him for his study.Pete also concluded that 'Watched breasts don't grow any faster than ones who aren't.'

3.Melissa was amazed when Dr. Piersi's nurse demonstrated how fast his 'breast enhancement cream' worked.'I swear I was flat-chested this morning.' she said happily.

4.When he told the two girls from his church group that his boat was 'clothing optional'.Brad never expected them to believe him.

5.Professor Thompson strictly enforced his No Panty Thursday.And every female student was subject to spot checks.

You Dildo!
 

1. "Do I really want to shove something up my pussy that looks like one of my father's deep sea fishing lures?"
2. Awwww...Can't you just hear Dionne Warwick and Elton John singing "That's what friends are for."
3. "These things taste so much better after they've been used." ( For a real taste treat, swap 'em!)
4. " My dildo never complains. It never snores. It will never get me knocked up. Men? Who needs them?"
5. "This toy comes in " Average Six Inch"..."Deluxe Eight Inch"..."Super Ten Inch" and "Shredded Cervix Foot Long" models."
6. That ain't "Love Potion Number Nine" she's putting on that thing! You, Sir, are about to experience why this witch is considered "wicked."
7. Now this is a rip off. Ouch! :eek:

After THAT Fucking Election We Could All Use A Good Laugh...
 

1. "Brad Pitt? Where??? I don't see Brad Pitt!" (Clever upskirt photographer trick)
2. "Aaamerica...it wush fun while it lashted. Have a nicesh life."
3. "Hey...my eyes are up here! Hello? Why aren't you looking at me when I talk? Hey!"
4. Now that you have proof he's cheating, the revenge can start...
5. "It wasn't me! I've been framed!"
6. Vladmir was so good he could dance women right out of their dresses.
7. Wash your pussy...you're freaking out the dog!
8. Who needs TV when you have an insatiable nymphomaniac wife?
9. "I've got you now, America...and whatever happens next, just remember...YOU VOTED FOR IT!"

Saturday Funnies
 

1. "Hullo, Is this Dial-A-Lesbo Pizza? I could really use a woman's touch tonight...and a large Pepperoni."
2. "Just give me your address and I'll be right over!" (America needs more unique small businesses)
3. " Heeere's Johnny!" (Janette channels Jack Nicholson in "The Shining) ...
4. ...And it's a convincing enough performance to scare this poor woman into labor.

Dumb, Drumph and Dumber
 

1. "You ladies are probably wondering why I asked you all here today...I want to talk frankly about schizophrenic behavior. "
2. Exclusively female colleges can be tough. They're so horny over at the Smegma Thi Sorority that the girls are humping the walls!
3. "Duh yuh...I love me some Suave shampoo...I really do! Yuk yuk yuk!" ( The dumbing down of America continues)
4. "Hey! If you pull on it, this stuff just keeps flying off the little cardboard thingy!"
5. "What? You've never seen a woman's right breast before?"
6. Some people don't think being photographed while seated on a toilet is funny. Imagine that.
7. She's so high she forgot she wasn't doing her laundry at home...and this is exactly why marijuana ought to be legal everywhere.
8. "But Farmer Joe, whatchu mean you want me to suck your cock? Your chickens is all outside in the yard!"
9. The NFL placekicker was in a terrible slump. At six inches from goal he couldn't even hit his girlfriend's tongue.

Learn to laugh again
 

1. On second thought...stocking the outdoor tub with piranhas wasn't such a good idea after all.
2. "And...and...THEN he tried to impress me by showing me his CAR! He was relentless, until I screamed "GIVE IT UP! I LOVE PUSSY!"
3. "Listen. Do you wanna know a secret? Closer. Let me whisper in your ear... Slurp! (It's no secret now. Melissa likes blonds.)
4. Sometimes sailing into uncharted territory can make one a little bashful.
5. Suzy was one hell of a Scrabble player...and totally unashamed of her desires.
6. Sometimes Shirley liked to get...uh...Squirrel-y.
7. Joan wondered if she was EVER going to get past the spanking, going to bed without supper and grounded for a week phase of her life.
8. "Yes, I have work for BOTH of you...IF you're willing to work under the table."
9. "...and absorbed in her book, she didn't notice the cell phone camera that would expose her to the World Wide Web." (Non fiction)
10. When you're cheating on a husband who is a forensic detective, you need to be extra careful when cleaning up after sex.

Misinterpretations
 

It's so easy to get things wrong.

1.Jim's hopes were totally dashed when he found out the new piano instructor really did want to play with his lizard.

2.When Mike asked his girlfriend to 'send me a picture of you playing with your pussy'. Unfortunately that's exactly what she did.

3.When the college dean told the cheer leading squad to 'come up with something different. He didn't count on them forming a naked pyramid.

4. When Jen told her boyfriend they were going to have 'a private party at the beach.' She didn't count on him bringing his friends to it.

Laury
 

Something in the air
 

1. Vlad is capable of getting erections...he just needs encouragement.
2. Blonds may have more fun...but brunettes get more cum.
3. When you mess with a One Eyed Trouser Snake, Missy...you'd better be ready for anything.
4. Playing with your food is allowed here.
5. All the little sperms got together to form one giant sperm...with the longest tale they ever saw.
6. The new Hollywood starlet figured she'd REALLY give the goddam paparazzi something to take pictures of.
7. A budding tennis player with WTA aspirations, Angie worked on her backhand whenever she could.
8. The new housekeeper was good...very good.
9. Santa Claus was good to us last year so this year we're leaving him something extra special with his milk and cookies.
10. After she burned breakfast, Anne sarcastically told her husband: "So crucify me!" (Anne's husband was a very literal person)

And speaking of the WTA...
 

1. When Sara beats an opponent she often humiliates them with a good fisting...
2. Some of her opponents concede even before the first serve.
3. "Hey! Who wrote 'Petra takes steroids' on the fucking ball?"
4. "Hey look everyone! I'M SERENA WILLIAMS!"
5. "Yeah...this banana reminds me...last night I fucked a guy with a cock THIS BIG!" ( A true WTA-TMI moment.

Summer was fun, wasn't it?
 

1. Remember the day we thought Steve Bucemi's character from " Fargo " ( or part of him ) washed up on our beach?
2. Or how about when Dave told his wife he loved her brown eyes...all three of them.
3. Then there was the time Jenny needed help climbing out of the pool and Steve offered her something to hang on to.
4. Who could forget Allison's shock at discovering she had a case of sand crabs?

6. Do you recall how pissed the ladies were when the bags containing there bikinis were swept away by the tide? (Interesting walk home.)
7. I'll bet you were laughing too when naive Marty kept calling his wife to ask how the work project was going. (He didn't know she wasn't at work. Or that her little project was actually trying to seduce her best friend. Or...even that she secretly loved the taste of wet pussy!)
8. Remember how much fun it was to watch your neighbor work in her garden? (Until your wife took your camera away)
9. How about when we all noticed that Fred's tits were almost bigger than Carol's?

Saturday Funnies
 

1. Rachael explains to the men seated at the table exactly why women hold the power in most marriages...that last.
2. "Oh, pardon me sir. Whilst you were away at the loo I took the liberty of entertaining your spouse."
3. DOG: "Anything you can do I can do better. I can do anything better than youuuuu!"
4. It was the most satisfying bowel movement of Sheila's life.
5. "Oh, it's sooo good to hear from you...no, I'm not doing anything important...I was just letting the cat out."
6. "So Ahab...does my whale tail turn on? Why don't you come here and show me your Moby Dick?" ( Melville is rolling in his grave)
7. Yes...I'll just bet it is!
8. "Ma'am I sure appreciate your kindness...I haven't had a good handjob in years!" (Save the world with random acts of kindness )
9. Smells like fish?
10. Smells like cock.

Sunday Funday
 

1. "Uh Miss...Miss... (sputter, gasp) HEY! I'M DROWNING HERE!" ( Today's kids...oblivious or just cold hearted and cruel?)
2. After spontaneously and furiously masturbating and drinking a whole bottle of wine, Helen finally came to grips with Zack's proposal.
3. They have a problem with bums in England...well...not really a problem...They're just rather cheeky.
4. And I also understand that the young heirs to the throne have been sneaking in a few changes to traditions as the old queen ages.
5. What I like about this pic is: The men are all paying attention, but the lady in the wheelchair just seems content to enjoy the sunshine.
6. "Hey Army Corp of Engineers...you can put your pipeline RIGHT HERE!"
7. Now I'd like to talk about a serious problem in America...desperate, horny nymphomaniacs unable to find a man to help them out...
8. So desperate is their plight that they must fuck themselves in the streets. You're doing nothing with your dick but wanking away at amateur porn...can't you find it in your heart to give until it hurts? Yeah...I knew I could count on you.
9. And the Walmart associate STILL refused to give her the sale price on her dog food.
10. "You're just about to groove and you're thinkin' it's a breeze...there's a light in your eyes and then a guy screams "Out of the car, Longhair!" ( And its all because your mama don't dance and your daddy don't rock and roll )

Monday is a good day to laugh
 

1. "If I stay in this position after sex the sperm have a better chance of reaching my eggs...it's a damned good sports stretch too. "
2. "Only one thing to do when you've got a hot ass like mine..."
3. Mrs. Faversham always liked to give the young caddies a tip at the end of the day.
4. NOW she'll finally shut up about Brazil beating the USA in women's beach volleyball!
5. "I may be blind, young lady...but I'm still very fond of the scent of a nude woman...hooha! " ( Al Pacino learned his stuff from this guy)
6. "What sucks about fucking the Marlboro man is he's always coughing and wheezing and he smells like an Goddam ash tray!"
7. "Well...my hair isn't long enough to let down...and my name ain't Rapunzel...so if we're gonna fuck I've gotta come down to you!"
8. Congratulations! These women do you a great honor...one nipple salutes are only given to the most prolific OCC wankers.
9. Week days, Dave is a busy contractor who erects high rise apartments...but on weekends he erects himself...the tourists love it!
10. Mona Lisa's great great great granddaughter was a little bolder and more irreverent.

Adorable and Funny French Chick
 

1. "So zee Americans call zee French people zee 'Frogs?' I say Reebeet Reebeet to you!"
2. "Here we are at the No Tell Motel and I have all my clothes off...what shall we do next?" ( Did you pack your travel Scrabble game?)
3. "Norman Bates? Did you say this motel was run by Norman Bates?"
4. "Fox Mulder...He's going to put my pictures in his thread? Oh God...that get's me soooo wet!"
5. "Paul Simon was right. One man's ceiling IS another man's floor...and my hairy French pussy has got your full attention, am I right?"
6. "My football coach tells me I must be limber. Not sure why he always stands behind me with his cell phone in his hand when I stretch..."
7. "I'm ready for my monogram...mommagrand? ...uh...mammalgrin? You know, the tit test thing!"
8. "Oh there it goes again! Whenever a camera's in the room it just pops out like that."
9. "Aaaieee! Holy shit! Who the hell flushed the toilet while I'm trying to shower!" ( Sometimes it sucks to share living space )
10. I guess all you poor OCC wankers have been jaded from looking at so much porn that a woman has to stand on her head to turn you on? OK then."

Make America Laugh Again
 

1. Do you ever wonder why your dog loves you so much? Mostly it's the scent and the view.
2. "Hey Sara, can I borrow your cell phone? I've got to call my fiance and tell him I'm going to be late for the wedding rehersal."
3. Amelia's finally made the "Mile High Club. " Solo.
4. "You can enjoy a little of what's in the red cooler...or a little of what's in the blue cooler...or a lot of what's in between my legs." (Pam is in charge of the eats for the holiday)
5. MAN WITH GLASSES: "Madam, may I have the pleasure of this dance?" BALD GUY: "Hey, man...can I like, fuck this ass?"
6. "If the gloves don't fit...you'll see no tits!" ( Francine was not above misquoting O.J. Simpson's attorney to avoid posing fully nude)
7. "If only my bra wasn't in the wash I could have avoided being Internet porn fodder for the rest of my life!"
8. "Ladies, need some extra cash? Truckers are always happy to help out." ( 10-4 good buddy.)
9. Tired of being spinsters, the Smith sisters decided to become fishers of men. Unfortunately the "fish" were looking for fresher bait.
10. Movie plot: "Friday The 13th Part 55" Jason Vorhees' diabolical granddaughter goes on an evil killing spree with a new and gruesome weapon. ( Yikes! )

Loosen up...it's the weekend!
 

1. Now that the minimum wage is up, food service workers will be expected by their employers to do just a little more...
2. Oh yeah...HE gets the helmet and all the gear while the poor little naked woman freezes her tits off. She be fly.
3. Abandon all hope, ye who enters here.
4. "Isn't the Grand Canyon majestically beautiful? Isn't that a lovely blue sky? Why are you looking at my chest? Is there a bug on me???"
5. IN THE BACKGROUND, FROM THE FOOTBALL GAME ON TV: "Whoa! Look at that, Joe! What's the hang time on that one?"
6. No hang time here, but if she fumbles, we'll all be called for piling on.
7. "I beg your problem...I never promised you a rose garden- You'll just have to work around the thorns." ( Horny Country music fan?)
8. Uber drivers usually try to avoid fares from the annual San Antonio Chili Cookoff.
9. This is the saddest picture in the whole thread. Here reclines a worn out, satisfied woman, lying in a wet mess...and we never got to see how the mess was made! :(

......

Saturday Night Funnies
 

1. Hey guys, having trouble picking out Christmas gifts? Give your gal a big black cock...it's what she really wants.
2. You've seen musicians playing spoons...but I'll bet you've never seen someone play nipples with spoons. It's a fascinating sound too.
3. While Cameron Frye decides to take control of his life on TV, Jenny is deciding if sucking her boyfriend's toes is fun...or disgusting.
4. When a purple haired chick is going down on you, it's a great time to take a selfie.
5. Ditto when you're a horny cougar who not only just got the former NFL star turned High School football coach to make your son quarterback...you actually got him down on his two bad knees.
6. And a selfie is also called for when your pastor's wife decides to break one of the ten commandments...with you.
7. "Here's to my late husband...and may he ALWAYS be late on the nights when my lover comes to fuck me. "
8. What's up...Dock? (A little Bugs Cunny humor?)

It's true! It's true!!!
 

Mother always told you that if you make faces one day "Your face might freeze like that."

SAVE FERRIS! :D

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...1&d=1481414890

Still missing summer?
 

1. "That dawg is 'bout as big as mah flaccid penis."
2. John tries a new dip sauce for his Tostito...much to Mary's surprise.
3. "You see this gesture? We are throwing away our clothes. We will be naturalists from now on...forever! End of story! " (Until they actually have to leave home.)
4. 'Twas a day at sea not fit for a man, so a woman took the wheel. She navigated the treacherous calm waves and mild brezes like the heroin she was. The only reason we care? She did it naked.
5. Joanie wasn't famous, but her husband's paparazzi role-playing made her feel that way. (He was always after the coveted upskirt shot.)
6. That reminds me...Red Lobster is having an all you can eat buffet today.
7. And not a bit of gardening got done the rest of the day.
8. How traveling redneck bra salesmen, who canvas trailer parks, check a woman's cup size. ( Those look like 32 ouncers. )
9. Hard working, long haul truckers have a difficult life. Be nice to them when you can.
10. Apparently, this is her way of telling us that the Hollywood movie she starred in was a flop.

The I Love You Funny Face On Line Nympho-versity
 

1. "Hi...I'm Anita Hardcock. I'm the director of the 'I Love You Funny Face On Line Nympho-versity.' Our school teaches young women all they need to know to be world class nymphomaniacs...all in the comfort of their own homes!"
2. "Our beginners courses help women become more familiar with their bodies. We teach them to find their erogenous zones and the all essential art of foreplay."
3. "Next they move on to solo masturbation and multiple orgasms. You have to learn how to love yourself if you expect others to do the same!"
4. "Our blowjob courses are the toughest in the nation. We don't train women to just be good cocksuckers. We teach them oral perfection."
5. "Double penetration is the first step toward multiple partner sex. Great nymphomaniacs are never satisfied by just one lover."
6. "Once a student can multi-task with the toys, we work on their confidence. We pump them up...sometimes literally."
7. "By the graduation ceremony our students are ready for the reall thing. Most can't wait to show off their skills. So, if you know a woman who thinks she has what it takes to be a nymphomaniac, have her call 1-800-SUK-FUCK , or she can send us naked pictures on line at www.nymphoversity.com. We'll be happy to get her enrolled. " (I Love You Funny Face Nympho-versity is a non profit organization staffed by dedicated sex addicts who feel the world would be a better place if everyone would just lighten up and get laid. It isn't real, you gullible fuckers! OCC and its moderators are not legally responsible for this nonsense...except for maybe Dog In Heat or Mudbug or Fango.)

FAMOUS MOVIE SCENES: Travis Dickle from "Bend Over, I'll Drive."
 

"Are you lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at me?" Then who the hell else are you lookin' ...you lookin' at me?"
Well I'm the only one here...well...actually that's not true at all. Who the fuck do you think you're lookin' at? Oh yeah? OK. "

Flash Face
 

Flash

1. Jurassic Park Seven: Ian Malcom abandons his "Chaos Theory" and becomes a daredevil upskirt photographer.
2. Kerri never seems to put her days as an erotic pole dancer completely behind her.
3 "You remember 'The Blair Witch Project?" Well get ready for the 'Blond Beeeee-atch Project!" ( Once again, alcohol must be involved)
4. Family pictures are always interesting when Sindee the black sheep comes to town.
5. Worried about her grades, her professor asked her to put some extra effort into her studies. Well..she's studying.
6. Naturists were about to mount a surprise dawn military raid on the White House, but they didn't count on a lingering street cleaning truck. Without the element of surprise in their favor, they decided they would be too...uh... exposed.
7. Buck had never delivered a baby before...but since he'd had his hands up a few pussies, he was more than willing to give it a try.
8. Many very hot women are content with the clothes on their backs, a pair of cheap sandals and a cardboard box to sleep on. ( I know this excites you jobless guys who live in their parent's basements...but it really isn't true.)
9. AND you guys...this isn't reality either. She's not really there. As always, it's actually just your right hand and your fertile imagination.

Time. Age. Growing up...and other shit.
 

1. "Hey...Tom Brokaw called us 'America's Greatest Generation.' We'll spend our Golden Years any way we fucking want!"
2. Think her price has gone up a little since April of 2002? On the other hand, if she's been hooking for fourteen years...
3. Remember the story of how, after your mother was born, your grandmother went to Africa as a missionary and was never heard from again? You're old enough now to hear...the REST of the story.
4. I used to love shopping at Joe's Hardware. They had everything I needed for my home improvement projects...and hookers too!
5. Oh how your breath caught in your teenaged throat when you realized you were actually looking at real live English Teacher Tit!
6. Yeah, that neighbor gal had some years on you, but you learned a lot. Then your little brother got the new camera for Christmas.
7. Gina figured that if panting seemed to work so well for old dogs on hot days, maybe she ought to give it a try.
8. Now you KNOW that's not what I meant when I asked for cream in my coffee!
9. No, Ma'am! NO!!! The Herrenbekleidung is not a toilet! (It's the dung bit, you see?)
10. Remember back in 2008 when you still had teeth... and could still make your old lady cum?

1. "I'M HORNY AS HELL! AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!" ( Cathy attempts to "Network.")
2. Ever notice there's a chick in a black dress who needs a drink...sitting alone at almost every bar in America? They're paid bar employees.
3. "You said you wanted a picnic lunch...dig in!"
4. "No offense, Hank...but now you know why I prefer to spend most nights alone."
5. No caption. I just love the shirt.
6. "There there...I really AM sorry your father died. I was just trying to make you feel better, Baby." ( Some men are just plain insensitive )
7. "So Mindy, how was your workout 'date' with Dave and his housemates at the Fraternity gym?"
8. Still refuses to swallow. Ever.
9. In the south, down by the rivers, the folk like to tell tall tales about whoppers.
10. The blond thinks your lame opening line was charming...the brunette is thinking about killing you and eating your remains.

Going to work tomorrow?
 

1. Kristen does it all. A working mother of three, besides her heavy work commitments, she drives the kids everywhere, cooks all the meals, pays the bills and...she's hard at work on her first novel! She even fits in time to offer her ass up to her horny husband. What a gal!
2. Now here's Gretchen. She works from home. Women working in offices get coffee breaks. Not Gretchen. She enjoys cunnilingus breaks with her lover, Greg. She says working from home is the best idea she ever had. After this picture was taken, Greg was unavailable for comment. (It's not polite to talk with your mouth full)
3. Alexis doesn't work anywhere. After her head injury, she just crawls around on the floor of her home, pretending to be a cat in heat. Unfortunately, the only "Toms" she attracts are the peeping kind.
4. When the brutal workday's over, hubby ain't getting upstairs for his nap until he completes just one more essential task...
5. Joe knew his long business trips made life lonely for his wife. Returning unexpectedly early one day, he witnessed just HOW lonely.
6. This is the reason most men who quit their jobs do so in the morning. I wouldn't want to leave this room for a snowy commute either!

Thankfully Monday isover
 

1. It's bad enough to find intruders still using your home, but now you'll feel compelled to throw away those new sheets.
2. "And dear God...all I want is for my baby to be healthy. Actually I'd also like to know who the father is." (Now she knows how Mary felt)
3. Emerson nice titties.
4. Desiree was determined to keep her sick husband from attempting to return to work.
5. This is just the sort of thing that leads to pilot error.
6. If you want to give men woodies, you should hone your exhibitionist skills...in the woods.
7. Hockey fan Lindsay was so impressed with the NHL's outdoor Stadium Series, she thought she'd start an outdoor tradition of her own: The Chilly Cunnilingus Challenge is sure to be a classic.
8. "Two things, Roomie...One: Neither one of us has any money to pay for heating bills. Two: He only wants to grab our pussies. Simply put, if we just turn on the landlord, he'll be happy to turn on the heat." ( Back when our new president was a landlord)
9. It may not play well on Broadway, but critics around here consider this musical "visually stunning"
10. "C'mon...you said you was a tit man so I put one in your mouth...and now you all... muffled screaming and 'fightin' for air' shit!"

1. Roxanne attempts to use her Jedi powers to stop us from looking at her tits. The Force is NOT with her.
2. Now that Playboy is going nude free, (What's the fucking point?) Kim thought she'd give us a reminder of the good old days when Hugh still ran the show and we all wished we could get a little bunny tail.
3. When choosing lovers, Bobbi swears by "testical heft" as a sure way to pick out a winner.
4. Here's one sure way to get your lover off the goddam Internet and back to the moment.
5. "It looks like Santa got me the 'Assbuster 9000 with Turbo Thrust Action' I've been wanting!" ( Santa likes to see 'em gape)
6. "Hey, Big Guy! Your pubic hair doesn't match your head!" (Embarrassment courtesy of the limitations of "Just For Men" hair dye)
7. After being abducted by aliens, the Smith sisters gleefully show off their radiation burns.
8. On the other side of the bed, Keith is gloating over his sexual performance. But obviously Lexi is less than impressed.
9. Sometimes the daily grind just gets to Jane. It ain't easy being a congresswoman by day and a callgirl specializing in Bukkake gangbangs by night.
10. Grandma is thrilled. Her dream of a "White Christmas" in Galveston finally came true.