bride on the bed
 

Guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says,
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."


The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep,
Not a cow."


The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous b*tch,
You'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

more brides
 

INSTALLING HUSBAND‏

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system..

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!



IT Specialist

cute bride
 

Subject: Fw: Why condoms come in boxes of 3, 6, and 12'
>
>
A man walks into a drug store with his10-year old son.
They Happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
'What are these, Dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
'Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.''
Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.'

He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3
And asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
>
The dad replies, 'Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday,
and one For Sunday.

'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and
Asks, 'Then who are these for?'

Those are for college men,' the dad answers,
'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'
>
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?'
he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
'Those are for Married men.
One for January, one for February, one for March........'
>

Halloween brides
 

Learn to Shut up!

TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!

All Saints Day -dressed and undressed brides
 

The Cremated Husband

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....

You know that dishwasher you promised me, but never bought me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me, but never bought me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me, but never bought me? I bought that, too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?

"Here it comes."

Did she allow that sexy pictures to be taken? I ask this because it seems that when she is posing for the camera she covers her boobs and in the other pics she is caught unaware.

awesome thread!

Choosing a Spouse
 

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three
likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to
see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her
hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely
for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for
him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money
on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times
the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a
joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.

sexy bride - wish there was pics on Maid of honor
 

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter." One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy had said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

dressing bride series on 11-10-9 day
 

Gratuitous Male Bashing



1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS
(because they don't have penises to put them in)

6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
(they're intended for children, but men usually play with them)

7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their asses and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

8. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

9. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

10. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?
(so he can tell if he's coming or going)

11. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't
know......it never happened)

12. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A MAN?
(because breasts don't have eyes)

Wedding night with flowers
 

Can anyone tell me when these "getting dressed" photos became an acceptable part of the wedding album?

Don't get me wrong, the practice has brought a LOT of hot photos into the world! But, while wedding night photos taken by the groom (see attached) make perfect sense to me, it strikes me as a bit weird that the brides in these series allow the photographer (who could well be a man) into her space as she hangs around half-naked before getting into her dress.

When/where did it start? Did someone famous do it once and then loads of ladies decided to copy her? Or was it a cheeky photographer who suggested it as an idea to a gullible bride and thus broke the seal?!

If we could find out, it would be cool to find the first ever "bride getting dressed"!

I've been wondering the same things myself. But I certainly ain't complaining. :D Great pics, BTW.

Thanks

Fango

Veterans Day Brides brides
 

2 sets of dressing brides - note the undies on the table of pic 1

************************************************** **
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob,
starts to rub herself all over him and says,

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4
letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real b*tch this time.'

BOB's funeral will be on Friday.

another sexy bride getting dressed
 

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks. 'I think I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing,
her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in
your closet and she's got no clothes on!'


The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom,
right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her
sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

'You rotten B ** ch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide
and seek with the kids!!'

and another dressing bride
 

b*tches 'til the End! Man, I'll tell ya, women can be cold until the end!

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order..."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini."
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, "I've been diagnosed with AIDS ."
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"
"Because I don't want any of those b*tches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, "Putting Your Affairs In Order."


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

still another dressing bride
 

The Moods of a Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,

She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad

Ebony bride
 

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf… Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors… I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I sai! d,
'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Nudist wedding
 

Bride wears vail but no gown

Nice one. These brides aren't nearly as naked, but just as sexy

***** WATERMARKED PICS REMOVED *****

Bride NN in garter, stockings, and bustier
 

Found these of a bride getting ready for her wedding. Tame in just her underwear but I thought some might enjoy them and I know they are originals that have never been posted before.

Also please check out this post and help me find more of the girl there. Thanks.

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/showthread.php?t=77432

I like the fact she is standing in front of an open window. I wonder if she made a neighbors day.

bachelorette party fun
 

cake, dildos and simulated BJs

Busty brides trying on dresses in a bridal shop:D

A couple more

Hot blonde bride

Sexy bride named Jessica with great fake knockers

Who,s the woman next to her , god i wanna fuck her. ( after a hot blowjob ).

jooo
 

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jessica is hot! Looks like quite the wedding!

Thanksgiving Day Brides
 

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he will kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong. I love you, too.'

Saturday brides
 

some old, some new

Sunday brides
 

some borrowed, some blue

bride and groom at the church door
 

with naked babes

As always, I would love to know: What is the story here?!? :eek: The bridesmaids having a little fun? :p:D

Thanks

Fango

There must be more. :eek:

small world! Okthen34 just posted pics of her in another thread:
https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/showthread.php?t=83468

Young bride
 

awaiting her hubby

brides
 

A study in Scotland showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is post-menstrual she may be attracted to plain facial features.

When pre-menstrual she can be attracted to more feminine features in a man.

If she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a pair of scissors shoved in his temple.

bride
 

Pearl Hardor Day
 

brides

a Russian bride
 

does a bride gown photo strip