A biker walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance
then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date
running late?"

"No," he replies. "I just got this state-of
the-art watch, and I was testing it."


The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art
watch? What's so special about it?"

The biker explains, "It uses alpha waves to
talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"It says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies 'Well, it must be
broken because I am wearing panties!"

The biker taps his watch a couple times,
looks at it again, and then smiles and says,
"The damn thing's an hour fast."

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

And then there was the diner who didn't believe in flying saucers until he goosed a waitress!

So, I am overrun with things to post

and I have two universal truths to tell

just so you know I am not without feelings, this picture made me want to cry

Just like any other man, I think with other parts of my body when it comes to alcohol

I mean, times are tough, I got my car repossessed

Going to the gas station is expensive

I still have my small house