Fancy hearing the same joke on One Click Chicks that I heard on Garrison Keillor.
So why not try this one on for size?

A woman walked into a bar, and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So the bartender gave her one.

You truly impress with how you will find or define entertaining themes, even though one may not be obvious in a raw collection. And adding matrimonial yuka-yuks to each entry is simple and brilliant. The right patter keeps a show moving. Thank you, Osreb, for consistently, thoroughly superior content!

Husband & Wife awaken lazily one Saturday morning, and find themselves randy. When they hear the front door swing shut, they are startled, and Wife gasps, "My husband! Go out the window!" Husband grabs his pants and leaps outside.
Several minutes pass before Husband comes through the bedroom door, looking about as sc****d up, dirty, beat and bedraggled, and pathetic and pissed as you please, and he asks her, "Why did you say that?"
Wife asks, "Why did you Jump?"

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. There really is one.

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot?
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When . . . Uh . . . what's a climax?

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to ***** about work.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all-round.
MARRIAGE - When you're only concern is what's on T.V.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
MARRIAGE - When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

LOVE - You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.
LUST - You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE - You only leave the house when you're allowed.

dressed and undressed brides
 

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy Roger preceded every request to his wife Peggy with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.


While the wife was in the kitchen , the man leaned over to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'.


The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, “Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old b*tch what her name is.”

A great pic series
 

of a bride dressing - I envy the photgrapher

more dressed & undressed brides
 

TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!

2 brides
 

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

**********




Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"

Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

**********

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints... --

brides
 

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
-------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can
there be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.

He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"

She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"




*********




Moral of the story : Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway.

another one

I don't think these 2 have been posted yet but I may have missed it.

What a Woman Wants in a Man

What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover


What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)

1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
*******

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)

1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends
*******

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends
*******

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)

1. Breathing

brides in and out of wedding dress
 

The newly married blonde wife goes to the store to buy personal things for the husband.
She inquires about the deodorant for the men.

The salesman asks, "Do you want the ball type."

The wife says, "No this is for his underarms."


.............................................

Mans regret !


1. U love sum1....U marry some1 else.
The 1 u marry....becomes ur wife or husband.
N the 1 u loved .....becomes the password of ur mail id


2. There's only 1 perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only 1 perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.


3. Three dreams of a man:
To b as handsome as his mother thinks.
To b as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...


4. Husband & wife r like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

some i found.
 

hope you like them?

some i found.
 

a few more.

I found this by chance!

It's a good thing that brides don't wear bras underneath their wedding gowns. :D

bride hangs pantyhose on ceiling fan
 

A man calls into the police station and says, “My wife is missing.”

The officer asks, “How long has she been gone?”

“A month.“

“Why did you wait so long to report it?”

“Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear.”

great updates, some great downblouse shots in this group:D:D

another photo stripping bride
 

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

another bride i found
 

hope u like.

and another bride i found
 

and another

bride photo strips & more nudist weddings
 

A man has six children & is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home & wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, 'Father of Four!'"

Bride NN
 

Hope this aren't too tame for this thread?

Some brides

Divorce cakes
 

Sorry that these are not chick pics; but I found then quite funny and wanted to share with OCC.

Hope they give you a laugh too.

Osreb

a few i found this morning
 

drop me a mail if you want to try and share links

Honeymoon Suite
 

Nice soft ones

A BBB - big boobed bride
 

A college football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them. So one day, after practice, the coach asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret with the women?"

So Bubba replies, "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw 'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.

His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "Is that you Bubba?"

Anyone notice more of this girl
 

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...9&d=1249430578

on this thread

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/showthread.php?t=80120

8 brides
 

on 8-8

New bride getting ready
 

New Bride

Enjoy.

Also please check out this post and help me find more of the girl there. Thanks.

2 brides on Sunday
 

Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce.

"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny.
"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love."

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?"

"Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband rushes home from a long day at work to embrace and kiss his wife at the door. Your mom and I have lost that love."

"But Daddy, I see Mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home, so she must still be in love with you."

"I don't understand, son. When has your mother recently been excited when I arrive home from work?"

"Well, sometimes when Mommy is still sleeping in bed with the neighbour, and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!"

some i found whilst searching for mcubed
 

nice girl

brides
 

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started...

************************************************** **********
My wife walked into the den & asked, "What's on the TV?"

I replied, "Dust".

And that's how the fight started...

************************************************** **********

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's how the fight started...

************************************************** **********

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny
that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started...

************************************************** **********

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** **********

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do
you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes.."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** **********

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** **********

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** **********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** ************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed, and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well, I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And that's when the fight started...

************************************************** **********

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said , "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started...

A Russian bride ... x

a cracker i found on a russian site
 

all i can say is WOW!;)

a few more
 

a few more of her

Thanks for psoting the bride pics
 

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses -- in this case the sense of taste...

The kindergarden children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red.........................Cherry

Yellow..................Lemon

Green..................Lime

Orange...............Orange


Finally, the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'



One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God! They're ass holes!"