Mothers day brides
 

Our Mexican Maid
Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.'
The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..'

Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

at the bridal shower
 

lots of upskirt pics

Diary of a Blonde Wife
 

*Monday:*

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

*Tuesday:*

We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

*Wednesday:*

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

*Thursday:*

Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.

*Friday:*

Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

*Saturday:*

Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? Why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job

I know these are posed
 

but still a greta fantacy series

a pretty bride
 

does a photo strip

weddings
 

upskirts

great addition guys...thanks for posting
 

What is marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"

more brides
 

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman .

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....

Country's Top 10 singles
 

Top Ten Country Western Songs..


10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine


9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, But I've Woke Up With a Few


8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me


7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'


6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win


5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here


4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him


3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger


2. She Gets Better Lookin' with Every Beer


And the Number One Country & Western song is...


1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day

Memorial Day Brides
 

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,

And every year Buddy would say, 'Edna,I'd like to ride in that helicopter'

Edna always replied, 'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, 'Edna, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'

To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed!'

Buddy replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know,

"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

more brides
 

After 50 years of marriage

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck.

"Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

You can tell the groom is Asian too... :)

June is bride month
 

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing.

Bride preparing
 

Hopefully these haven't been posted here before. I couldn't find them so I'll just apologize in advance if these are duplicates.

Brides are always a hot item

wedding night bride
 

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'

'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere.'

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am,' he said, I have come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well, that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.'

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -- when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes,' the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll setup my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

More of this one?
 

I hope you guys have more of this bride. If so, please post

some before and afters :rolleyes:

Blushing Bride
 

Enjoy.

Also please check out this post and help me find more of the girl there. Thanks.

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/showthread.php?t=77432

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.


"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.


"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbors will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."


So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"


"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.


The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."


"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

NY Times ad posting
 

THE POSTED LISTING

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.


Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock.


250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right?

How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why! Are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain Jane boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. Just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY


Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way.

Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.


It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.


Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal.

Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money.

Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!


So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset.

Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold , hence the rub, marriage.


It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following.


If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.


Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets.

So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.


By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.


With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way but in trading terms this is a classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

NY Times ad posting photos from osreb
 

These are some great shots and she is really hot. It's just too bad these weren't available at a higher resolution! Any more where this came from?

sl*t bride CarolineH
 

Enjoy.

Also please check out this post and help me find more of the girl there. Thanks.

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/showthread.php?t=77432

Flag Day Brides
 

Purchasing vs. Leasing Purchasing

The maths on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship

it ended up costing him $26,849.00 per time.


Leasing


On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker,

Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other,

charges $4,000.00 an hour. For anything!

Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years,
he would have paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every
night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings).

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe with two legs, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, no b*tching and complaining or 'honey-do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when asked. All at 1/7th the cost, and no legal fees.

Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.

Newsweek article on the recent spate of sexy brides: http://www.newsweek.com/id/200495?gt1=43002

Photo gallery with article: http://www.newsweek.com/id/200177

Top 10 Sexiest Wedding Dresses: http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-look/e...9593&gt1=32002

Enjoy

Fango

couple more

Here's a good book cover. I'm pretty sure an uncensored version has been posted before. Or there was a pic very similar to it. Can anyone find it? The back cover just says "Photo courtesy of the author"... whatever that means.

Enjoy

Fango

Father's day brides
 

Our instructor was lecturing about self-examination of the breast or
Testicles when a female student asked another male student and me if we ever
got an erection while we did self-examination of our testicles. We answered
that it was possible that we had. You know, you don't really want everyone
to know when you get aroused.

She then asked, "What do you do about it?"

We said in unison, "Nothing, why?"

She then say, "You mean you go around with a hard penis all day?"

We said no way!

She then states, "You mean a man's penis will go down without having an Orgasm?"

We both said yes.

At which time she says, "I'm going to kill my husband!"

more June brides
 

"We'd like a room, please," the bloke said, nodding toward his misses. "We were married this morning."
"Congratulations," the desk clerk said, "how about the bridal?"
“No thanks, just a room. I'll hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

Valentine bride
 

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.

The Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room was very quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

dressed and undressed brides
 

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
Balls vs Guts

GUTS - Is arriving home late after golfing all afternoon and a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'


BALLS - Is coming home late after golfing all afternoon and a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome.


Both result in death.

multi pics of a bride
 

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."


Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me.

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."


Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

6 more of the same bride
 

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes
in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably
won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway .. you're going to be
okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...something happened.. I'm trying
to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck
and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'you've got $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy
that will work as well as your old one did-better in fact! But the thing is,
it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this. "So, 'the doctor says, 'it's up to you to decide
how many inches you want. But, it's something you'd better discuss with your
wife. I mean , if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a
nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one
before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher, this time, she might
be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make
the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

' I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'Yes, she has' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting granite countertops.'

One of the hottest brides I've seen. Shame the pictures aren't larger.

Thanks

Fango

July 4th brides
 

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

Bride to be has shirt cut off a bridal shower party
 

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new members.
You must abstain from sex for an entire month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church.

When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the
husband obviously was very depressed.

"You are back so soon....Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired..

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from
sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult; however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.
The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
The third week, however, was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the
Bible, or anything to keep our minds free of carnal thoughts.
So we decided to spend our time repainting teh kitchen.
one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then
and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know," said the young man, hanging his head.
"We're not welcome at Lowe's, either."

bridal shower bra flashers - bride out of gown
 

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that John was ever so slowly sliding down his chair under the table while Mary acted unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman,

"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up and replied firmly, "Oh, no. He did not. In fact, he just walked in the front door."

Bridal shower
 

Bride to me gets a candy bra as a gift - then proceeds to try it on a model to the guest

same bridal shower
 

bride and guast practice giving head with a cock shaped cake