[First Time] The funniest things...

[gwm]

I was not my wife's first, she'd had two other serious boyfriends before me. We had been married several years, she is about 30 years old, and we had two kids and were thinking about another when she found a book about how to choose the sex of your child. It was all about how different positions are more likely to produce a certain sex. I don't think it's holds up scientifically, but it was interesting. Anyway, she's reading this book and she asks me "What is the missionary position?" I couldn't believe she'd never heard that before!

[Gnome72141]

Had a long weekend and the wife and I went at it at least twice each day instead of the regular once a day (even after 20 years!)...and longer sessions all over the house as we were home alone during the day. I said, "I hope you don't have a hard time walking on your girls' day this weekend!" and my wife didn't say anything.

Well, Sunday afternoon came, and she left for an outing with her mom, sister, and some friends.

She was having a hard time walking from all the deep sex...her MOM noticed! I asked my wife how the conversation went down, and she said her mom asked her why she was walking funny, and my wife said that she was honest and told everyone why.

Then her mom said, "Oh, I remember those days!" And one of her friends said, "I couldn't walk last week!"

Her other friend understood by her facial expressions but didn't say anything, but her sister asked, "What are you all talking about?" They explained, and her sister said, "Oh, that has never happened. I have never felt anything inside me during sex," (she has only had one partner--her husband), then she said, "We haven't even had sex in 4 years because we are done having kids. Why would you still have sex when you are done having kids?"

My wife said things got VERY silent for the next hour or so after that--the mood was extremely uncomfortable.

We all know my wife's sister is a huge prude, and we sort of knew that she was a "sex is only for having babies" type super religious person, but we never expected it to be that extreme, let alone hear her say it out loud!!

[4cali]

Someone mentioned in another thread, back in the late 90s/early 2000s it was common for surveys to make the rounds on social media. Little questionnaires of stupid questions. You’d fill it out and post it then your friends would do the same. A common theme of these was “have you ever” questions such as “smoked weed?”, “shoplifted?”, “skinny dipped” etc. this reminded me of a funny story.

So I started dating my wife in the mid 2000s. We were in our early 20s. We were open about our sexual past and she had told me she had been with four guys before me. One day we got on the subject of livejournal, which if you’re not aware was basically what it sounds like. You’d write whatever you want like a journal entry and share it with your friends. It was common for the surveys I mentioned above to make the rounds on there. My wife mentioned she had one but hadn’t updated it in years. I had one too and through looking at mutual acquaintances and their friends lists I found her old livejournal.

I was snooping but couldn’t help myself. There wasn’t anything of note. Only about two dozen entries. I found one such survey she had filled out though. There was 100 questions that started tame but then got to the “have you ever” questions. I’m paraphrasing but I recall something along the lines of the following:

Have you ever
Masturbated: yes
Had sex: yes
Orgasmed from sex: yes
What’s your “magic number”: 13

So I read this and got curious because she had sworn she had only been with four guys before me. I came across this late at night and got to worrying. Why had she lied? I knew she lost her virginity at 18 so like 13 guys in four or five years seemed like sort of a lot (to my young mind anyway, doesn’t seem like a big deal now). Jealousy started building. The next day I confronted her and said I had found it and saw her number was way more than she had said. I don’t recall exactly how it came out but it turned out she had just misunderstood the question thinking it was just asking her favorite or lucky number.

We had a laugh then she realized that all her friends had seen that years ago and must’ve thought she was more promiscuous than she was.

[1rustywood]

When I was 24 I was screwing my ex-girlfriend, so she obviously wanted me back. I had been working out doing a lot of core exercises and such. So when I started to orgasm, my stomach started to spasm and it caused me to start laughing uncontrollably. Just like being tickled! Needless to say she didn't buy the truth and thought I was laughing at me using her body.

[1michael]

When my wife & I went to my buddy's new house to view it, him and his beautiful wife showed us their boudoir wall pics of his wife nicely exposed in their Master bedroom. They also showed us a large collection of pics again taken from the same Photo Studio with his wife in more thrilling pics!
Knowing my buddy longer, I would believe he would have gave her this gift for her to have these pics done~
But knowing his wife, its hard to believe that she would have done this along with hanging some pics on the walls and showing off all the pics to Us! She just didn't the type of person to go around getting NUDE / Exposed and having a Stranger at a Studio taking pics of her and showing off her Busty charms!
But after going back to their house a few more times, they brought out a nice large photo album that had pics that my buddy had taken on his wife nicely exposed all around their new house~
Now with that thought in my head, its those naughty moments that came flashing back into my brain!
Sitting in their kitchen at the huge Glass diner table, the only thing I could think of was his wife all NUDE and laying on it with him under the table and taking pics of her!
Seeing the pics they had of her doing that was again exciting for me. Her huge boobs and large nipples being flattened out by the glass or her Ass & Pussy giving views that thrilled under the table!
I know later after talking to my wife, she had the same thoughts that I had about the table~ lol
Again it was still funny thinking about this and if they have other Naughty stuff they didn't show us at least not yet?
They did see the Studio pics we had made at the same place after seeing and enjoying their stuff, but we never shown them more and I think that might be the push over for more FUN with both of them!
It was also funny for us to hear that my buddy takes many of those pics and shows them to his co-workers, but she was the one that told us that part! lol
We seen No pics of them doing anything of a sexual nature or with him with a fully hard erection, cause my wife was waiting to see those! lol
Maybe I'll have more to come from this adventure with them, I'm sure my wife & I hope so!

[DRDavenport]

Originally Posted by 1michael

When my wife & I went to my buddy's new house to view it, him and his beautiful wife showed us their boudoir wall pics of his wife nicely exposed in their Master bedroom. They also showed us a large collection of pics again taken from the same Photo Studio with his wife in more thrilling pics!<snip>

Showing friends nude pics of the wife like that is an invitation to expand the friendship to another level.

DR

[eviltwin]

Originally Posted by BlackBunny

She went for it.

Just so you know the silly story was true...

Very hot!

[Curiouscouple2469]

Well if it helps, smoke one of your “wood joints” with them to loosen things up…

[indym]

This made me laugh and also get into a tiny bit of trouble...

We have a new pool and spend every minute can spare in it. When we know that we are not going to be interrupted, we enjoy some nude play time, too.

My wife is in her third trimester and is horny 24/7, now. She was on a raft in the pool with her legs hanging over each side while I fingered her for around the third time that afternoon. When she came, she lurched so hard that she fell off the raft . The look on her face was priceless when she popped back to the surface, and I couldn't help but laugh... I only thought she would kill me for about 5 seconds, but those were a long 5 seconds!

She was most upset that she got her hair wet

[piecenick]

My SIL was a bit of a drama queen and liked to do things to get attention. She was very attractive and used that to make sure she was never unnoticed. One night we were about ready to go to bed and my wife got a call from her sister, she was staying at their parents house while they were on a vacation in Europe. SIL said she thinks there is someone outside, she heard a noise and thought she saw movement, my suggestion was she should call the police, but the two of them thought I should go check it out, the house was about 10 minutes away.

I just got a flashlight, I was 99.99% sure this was just an attention getter, and off I went. I get to the house and start walking the perimeter with the flashlight, I get to the back where I know SIL's bedroom is. I shine the light and sure enough there are two boys about 13 or 14, I've seen them before in the neighborhood, peeking in her window, they take off like scalded dogs, I'm not going to chase them, they'll be easy enough to find later. I go up to the window, there is my SIL sitting on the bed topless, drying her hair, with the curtains open. If you a afraid of a peeping tom or stalker, the last thing you would do is sit next to an open window topless.

I go to the backdoor, I have a key, announce myself, SIL comes out with a robe on, I explain the whole thing to her, who the two boys are, and ask her why she was sitting half naked in front open curtains if the was afraid, she said "I didn't think about that".

I case you're wondering I had seen her topless a few times, skinny dipping, strip Twister, and saw her many more times. Pretty, but anything for attention.