Worst sex you've ever had

[PuffyNips]

The worst sex I’ve ever had is with my wife. For one thing the sex has been incredibly infrequent at times. After returning from the honeymoon, we had sex four times in the first five years. She was in her sexual prime and we once went for two and a half years with no sex at all.

When we do have sex, it has never once been initiated by her. It has also never been spontaneous. I plead for sex for a year. She finally gives in, but that means she will put it in her schedule. She’ll tell me we will have sex a week from Thursday at 9:30 pm.

If I don’t do things exactly the way she wants in the days leading up to the sex, then the event is canceled.

The sex itself is mind-numbingly dull, repetitive and frustrating. I am to perform oral sex on her until she orgasms. This usually takes an hour. I am then allowed to have sexual intercourse with her in the missionary position. She will not allow for any other position. She will not perform oral sex. Mostly I will pull out of her and jack off to finish the job. The most interaction she has with me cumming is she will get a tissue and hold it in place over my dick so I cum in it. Of paramount importance to her is that no cum gets on the sheets.

Other quirks:

* She will hum during sex. It is always a piece of classical music. Imagine licking a woman’s pussy while she is rigorously humming a tune. The tunes always build up too, like she starts shaking her head about with the tune. She has also used her fingers to conduct whatever symphony she is reciting. I don’t know the psychology of this. I think she wants to make enough noise to drown out any slurping sounds I’m making.

* After the “concert” ends, she will often start talking. She will tell me what’s on her to do list tomorrow. Oh, she has to bring her umbrella in for repair. What woman talks about getting her umbrella repaired during the middle of sex? Ever try to cum while the woman is gabbing about inconsequential nonsense? On several occasions, like if I take more than ten minutes to cum, she will ask me to hurry up. See how that works? I patiently work on her for an hour to bring her to orgasm. But when it comes to her giving me pleasure, ten minutes is too much effort

* After I cum she flees the seen of the crime. She races to the bathroom and takes a shower to wash off any traces of sex. Sometimes she quickly gets up to do this just as I start cumming. By the time I shoot my third blast of cum, I’m alone in the bed and she’s already in the bathroom.

* Sometimes, after her orgasm she will fall asleep. Sometimes this happens as soon as she orgasms, sometimes it happens a few minutes later during the middle of sexual intercourse. Ever try to fuck a sleeping woman?

* There was one time we had sex in the middle of the afternoon (as her schedule would allow). After she orgasmed and we started to have sexual intercourse, she looked at her watch and suddenly jumped up and explained she had to be somewhere. She told me to finish myself off by hand when she was gone. I bristled at the callous way she said it. I spoke up and said, “No. That isn’t sex with you. That is sex by myself.” She said take it or leave it, she said she didn’t care if I made myself cum or not. And I think that summed her up, she doesn’t care if her partner cums or not. That might be my textbook definition of terrible sex.

Please share your stories, if you have them. It would make me feel better knowing others have also had terrible sex.

[DRDavenport]

Divorce her for cruelty. Life is too short to live with a woman like that, whatever other qualities she may have. And I can't imagine a woman that selfish having any redeeming qualities.

DR

[sooty]

Originally Posted by PuffyNips

The worst sex I’ve ever had is with my wife. Please share your stories, if you have them. It would make me feel better knowing others have also had terrible sex.

I often had poor sex with my wife but not this bad, I can't make you feel better but you made me feel better! Sometimes I was tempted to pinch her really hard to check if she was still awake. Your wife is on a total power trip and you are unlikely to ever get good sex from her but as the old saying goes "There are plenty more fish in the sea". I couldn't leave my wife till the kids were old enough and you may well have various reasons for staying together and whilst many won't admit it there are plenty of guys out there either getting poor sex or no sex at all apart from their own hand. After I left my wife at age 53 I found a few great women and had by far the best sex of my life so there is always hope.

[joe4you]

well these stories suck, but I do recall a guy in collage say that ..........there is no such thing as bad sex,,,, some is just better than others.......... I am now rethinking that statement.

[Tifosi]

Damn!!!!! These stories have forced me to pour a cocktail. My wife and I have slowed it quite a bit since we were first married but it hasn't degenerated to these stories.
I don't want to make any severe judgments here but life it WAY too short for that....

[wolf86]

Originally Posted by PuffyNips

The worst sex I’ve ever had is with my wife. For one thing the sex has been incredibly infrequent at times. After returning from the honeymoon, we had sex four times in the first five years. She was in her sexual prime and we once went for two and a half years with no sex at all.

When we do have sex, it has never once been initiated by her. It has also never been spontaneous. I plead for sex for a year. She finally gives in, but that means she will put it in her schedule. She’ll tell me we will have sex a week from Thursday at 9:30 pm.

If I don’t do things exactly the way she wants in the days leading up to the sex, then the event is canceled.

The sex itself is mind-numbingly dull, repetitive and frustrating. I am to perform oral sex on her until she orgasms. This usually takes an hour. I am then allowed to have sexual intercourse with her in the missionary position. She will not allow for any other position. She will not perform oral sex. Mostly I will pull out of her and jack off to finish the job. The most interaction she has with me cumming is she will get a tissue and hold it in place over my dick so I cum in it. Of paramount importance to her is that no cum gets on the sheets.

Other quirks:

* She will hum during sex. It is always a piece of classical music. Imagine licking a woman’s pussy while she is rigorously humming a tune. The tunes always build up too, like she starts shaking her head about with the tune. She has also used her fingers to conduct whatever symphony she is reciting. I don’t know the psychology of this. I think she wants to make enough noise to drown out any slurping sounds I’m making.

* After the “concert” ends, she will often start talking. She will tell me what’s on her to do list tomorrow. Oh, she has to bring her umbrella in for repair. What woman talks about getting her umbrella repaired during the middle of sex? Ever try to cum while the woman is gabbing about inconsequential nonsense? On several occasions, like if I take more than ten minutes to cum, she will ask me to hurry up. See how that works? I patiently work on her for an hour to bring her to orgasm. But when it comes to her giving me pleasure, ten minutes is too much effort

* After I cum she flees the seen of the crime. She races to the bathroom and takes a shower to wash off any traces of sex. Sometimes she quickly gets up to do this just as I start cumming. By the time I shoot my third blast of cum, I’m alone in the bed and she’s already in the bathroom.

* Sometimes, after her orgasm she will fall asleep. Sometimes this happens as soon as she orgasms, sometimes it happens a few minutes later during the middle of sexual intercourse. Ever try to fuck a sleeping woman?

* There was one time we had sex in the middle of the afternoon (as her schedule would allow). After she orgasmed and we started to have sexual intercourse, she looked at her watch and suddenly jumped up and explained she had to be somewhere. She told me to finish myself off by hand when she was gone. I bristled at the callous way she said it. I spoke up and said, “No. That isn’t sex with you. That is sex by myself.” She said take it or leave it, she said she didn’t care if I made myself cum or not. And I think that summed her up, she doesn’t care if her partner cums or not. That might be my textbook definition of terrible sex.

Please share your stories, if you have them. It would make me feel better knowing others have also had terrible sex.

In my book falling asleep in the middle of sex is a free pass to fuck her how you want, if she doesn't like it she can wake up and participate. And if she stays asleep I would cum on the sheets...

[Leviticus59]

I wholeheartedly agree with DR . . .

Originally Posted by DRDavenport

Divorce her for cruelty. Life is too short to live with a woman like that, whatever other qualities she may have. And I can't imagine a woman that selfish having any redeeming qualities.

Life is way too short to spend it waiting for months or years for your next bad sex episode. I would also characterize her behavior as sexual abandonment of the marriage.

Since this thread is turning into a therapy session (as opposed to the normal "hot story" thread) I'm gonna say this-- I suspect that many of you guys complaining about bad/no sex in your marriage suffer from the classic "Nice Guy" syndrome. I myself am a recovering "Nice Guy," and can commiserate with what some of you are saying, on this thread and the one from a few months ago.

I heartily recommend the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. The chances are good that if you're willing to put up with practically non-existent, awful sex you'll be reading all about yourself in his book. He explains it all very well, and also how to get the sex you want.

My sex life never got as bad as PuffyNips related, but here's a story from my first marriage~ before we said "I do" she'd flop down and fuck anytime, anywhere. On the floor of the kitchen with her folks in the living room watching TV, back seats of cars, in my bed at home, her bed at home . . . anywhere at any time. As so as we got married it was as if a big switch was suddenly flicked to the "OFF" position, and within a year it had dialed clear back to about once a month. I was 21 years old at the time and you can imagine my frustration.

Many years later it ended up like this: She began going on business trips about once every three months (I later surmised she was fucking a colleague on these trips, and finally got enough circumstantial evidence to reasonably say she did). She'd be gone for two weeks at a time, and would "give me something to tide me over" while she was gone (which was weird, since she never "tided me over" with anything while she was home). She'd lay down on the bed topless, let my stand beside the bed and jack off and cum on her tits. That was it. No kissing beforehand, no petting, no intercourse.

Pent up sexual energy has to go somewhere. Chronic masturbation, 900 numbers, flirting with other women, porn and adult book stores are common outlets. I finally started fucking a woman where I work, which turned out to be my exit affair.

You can get the sex you want. Once you confront that fact your marriage will either take a turn for the better . . . or it won't. If it won't, move on and get happy.

[dkdiablo]

I take it you don't have any kids. My wife was off her sex after my second one but after I pestered her for sex she got angry and told me to get a Pro. I didn't do that but got the next thing up. A mistress. I got caught had a blazing row and I reminded her what she said to me and in my defence that the mistress was cheaper and safer diease wise than a Pro. Boys, don't ever try to be clever and throw a womans words back in her face. I had hell to pay for. This hell lasted 6 months and thought that I was going to end up divorced. But we worked through it and are fine now. Incidently she told one of our mutual friends (female)about me whining about the sex in front of me which was embarrasing. But I had the last laugh. I ended up knobbing her and we ended up being friends with benefits but this was after my mistress.

[pjbeachfun]

Originally Posted by PuffyNips

* She will hum during sex. It is always a piece of classical music. Imagine licking a woman’s pussy while she is rigorously humming a tune. The tunes always build up too, like she starts shaking her head about with the tune. She has also used her fingers to conduct whatever symphony she is reciting. I don’t know the psychology of this. I think she wants to make enough noise to drown out any slurping sounds I’m making.

I have a friend who says that a past GF used to recite the alphabet while he was licking or fingering her. WTF?

He said she was afraid of having an orgasm and felt guilty about it.

Thankfully, he married someone else, who, as far as I know, has more normal behavior during intimacy.

[outlander2]

Guys, women who hum or recite the alphabet are broken. Whether it is due to upbringing or a bad experience I don't know. I fucked a girl one time who breathed in a really weird pattern when she fucked and then seemed to almost pass out when she came. She was only out for a couple minutes but the first time it happened I was in a near panic wondering if I had literally just fucked one to death. Then I saw she was breathing. Loved fucking her but the passing out freaked me out so I found a reason to move on.