Pizza Guy

[twodwarfminimum]

This story involves four different types of dwarfism which can be a little bit confusing seeing as how there are over a hundred known medical definitions. So shy of calling four of my friends and saying: “hey send me pictures of yourselves so I can explain to these people”, it tends to be a little difficult on the writing side to adequately describe them for this story. So what I have decided to try is replacing the types of dwarfism with characters that we can all relate too? My wife and I have the same type of dwarfism, but with slight height differences, so for the story purposes the male form of my type of dwarfism will be referred to as Ben Affleck and the female form will be referred to as Julia Roberts, because she’s slightly taller and HHHOOOTTTT. Now the story takes place at a friend’s apartment. She has the same type of dwarfism but slightly shorter but still a cutie but majorly sexually repressed, so we’ll call her Sandra Bullock. Now Sandra Bullock’s male friend was in town visiting and he has a type of dwarfism that is much shorter than our type so we will call him Tom Cruise. In this story we will refer to an even shorter form that we call Danny Devito, and the smallest form of dwarfism to which we will call Asians. Now I must warn you that it is a very sad fact that the Asians don't have a very long life expectancy, I only mention this because it will make sense later. Oh and for the pizza delivery guy, we’ll call him Yao Ming because well he’s tall and it just fits. So now that we have that out of the way, this is what happened…

Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise and myself are all hanging out at Sandra Bullock’s house drinking, watching TV, drinking and waiting on the Pizza guy. Well the show ends and the girls decide they want to watch “Devil Wears Prada”, to which I looked at Tom Cruise and we both said “SMOKE BREAK!”. We walk outside and start talking, and we’re doing the guy thing talking about sports and porn. I make the joke that what’s wrong with porn today is that all the camera men are too damn tall. Tom laughs, and I rebut that I was serious and they should hire a bunch of Ben Affleck’s to film porn? He starts yelling about how we ought to start our own production company of nothing but Ben Afflecks and I remind him of no because that’s what happened to Seymour Butts. The dude made millions by being one of the first to do “reality” type porn. A few months later and there were ten companies imitating, and that’s what would happen to us? I mean sure at first the other companies would just force their camera men to get on their knees, but after so many workers getting knee related injuries and filling worker’s comp suits they would have to start hiring their own Ben Afflecks? Now don’t get me wrong I’m all for the total eradication of the unemployment rate of the Ben Affleck’s of the world, but for any business to survive you have to stay ahead of the game? To which Tom replied, we hire Ben Affleck’s for six months, and then we start hiring a bunch of Tom Cruises? I of course started busting out laughing and said that oh sure, and then in another six months we’ll just start hiring a bunch of Danny Devitos? And hope to God that we don’t end up in a Tom Cruise union war against the Danny Devitos.

Now here is where it starts to go horribly wrong. Amongst all the laughter, he belts out that after we fire the Danny Devitos we can just hire Asians? To which I yelled at Tom Cruise that he was a sick little bastard because he knew good and well that Asians normal life expectancy was around 18 yrs old and I wasn’t hiring a bunch of kids to film porn!?!?! To which trying to save himself, takes it even darker and says that’s when we have the Asians on standby and say “Happy Birthday lil dude, now get in there and start filming!, we only got until the life of the battery” and continues to say we can call the series “short films”. So here I am laughing and screaming at Tom Cruise at how dementedly wrong he was for wanting to hire kids to film his short porn films when all of sudden there stands Yao Ming. Fabulous.

Now poor Yao is standing there with his Pizza, mouth wide open and completely frozen. Considering the time of night and not knowing how long he had been standing there, I honestly felt bad for the guy. After a good ten seconds of silence, he finally asks if we ordered a pizza? You could tell by his face he was praying to God that we would say no. So anyway, Tom Cruise tells Yao Ming to go on in and then corrects himself and says he should probably knock first? To which I pose the out loud question of do you really think Sandra Bullock is going to open the door? Hell no man, her and Julia Roberts are going to sit inside and laugh at our dumb asses for knocking. It was at that moment the door flings open and there is Sandra Bullock standing there topless in jeans! Her breasts covered by a topless Julia Robert’s hands as she stood behind her. In a drunken cocky voice Sandra Bullock yells out “we decided that you boys can just stay outside with your stinky cigare…tte…s..s” She trailed off as she realized we were not alone. To which Julia Roberts just goes “oh look! Pizza is here.” Well Sandra Bullock’s hands jerked up on top of Julia Robert’s hands and took a death grip hold. Of course poor Yao Ming was an albino now, as he just slowly handed them the pizza. This is when I see Yao’s hands begin to tremble . All I could think is “I gotta see how they manage this one!” My beautiful Julia Roberts took over on the situation, and took the roll of puppet master by leaning Sandra Bullock over to reach the check sitting on the coffee table just inside the door, and then leaned her back. Julia Roberts did have a little fun by kissing on Sandra Bullock’s neck and slowly groping her breasts while smiling at the Pizza guy during the attempted exchange. I say attempted merely because sure enough as he was trying to swap the pizza for the check, he totally misses Sandra’s hands and the pizza hit the ground. Well Mr. Ming instinctively drops to his knees to scoop up the boxes, but then realizes he's looking us at the two beautiful topless girls now at eye level? Overwhelming sensation in 3…2…1! After the second time of handing over the pizza, and sadly to say not a single nipple was slipped during the entire exchange. Well with pizza I hand Sandra Bullock slammed the door shut and I could hear Julia Roberts die laughing inside. Poor Yao on his knees finally stands up, takes three paces backwards, turns around with an obvious bulge and makes five long strides and then BREAKS OUT RUNNING into the darkness of the apartment complex.
Me and Tom Cruise busted out laughing so hard that we were stumbling into each other as we made our way to the door only to find out the door was locked. After about twenty minutes and a couple more cigarettes of pleading Sandra Bullock opened the door in a big baggy sweatshirt with the demand of “NOT ONE WORD!”. Not much was said, except for the occasional chuckle which was always followed by a scornfull look from Sandra Bullock. I actually kind of felt sorry for the pizza guy, but Julia Roberts actually said that it served the guy right for taking a freaking hour and a half to bring one pizza! Then again she’s never forgiven Dominos for dropping the whole thirty minutes or its free deal.
In the car ride home, I asked my wife how in the hell she got such a prude like Sandra Bullock to go topless. She confessed the whole plan was to make us think they were up to something just for fun, but that Sandra Bullock was not going for it unless Julia Roberts could promise her a way of doing it without any chance of us seeing her nipples. She kind of gagged when I brought up the whole flirting/groping/kissing the neck part, asking her if she was wanting Sandra Bullock like that. She explained that she was doing it because she saw the bulge in his pants and knew how turned on the pizza guy was and plus the bonus of knowing how uncomfortable it was making Sandra Bullock………oh that’s my girl.

[xXroninXx]

you a awsome story teller, it made me rofl
wish i was there to see it all.

have any pic's of your Julia Roberts you wanne share with us?

[SandyM]

Just for fun, when I read this I imagined it was really Julia Robers and Sandra Bullock.

[ev1l0ne]

That was frigging hilarious!!!! Stay a while.