GF/Wife sexual past. How to deal with retroactive jealousy?

[ocguy55]

I was a virgin when I met my wife and she was very experienced.

I was 31 and she was 33. She has been with 3 other guys besides me.

I really hurt holding out so long for the right woman but eventually I met my wife and once she learned that she was the first woman I had ever had sex with she smiled, gave me a hug, and told me what an honor it was for her to be the woman who took my virginity.

She asked if I had any special sexual favors and my response was "You don't have to shave down there."

She agreed!

[LBnJB]

I don't agree that retroactive jealousy is inevitable. My wife is a few years younger than me, but when we got married she was way more experienced. She was very upfront with me from the start she liked sex, and had a lot of different partners. She was 19 when she lost her virginity, and 23 when we met. She told me that she doesn't know the total number, but estimates she had sex with more than 60 men before me. That doesn't include the odd blowjob/handjob when she was on her period. She has always been able to separate emotions from sex, which may be the reason I have never been jealous. Plus, she has never given me a reason to not trust her. I have always enjoyed listening to her tell me about her different encounters. Some are hot and sexy, some are sad and funny. In the end, you should only be jealous if she gives you cause. Does she want other men? Repeat encounters with previous men? Is that why you are afraid? If you trust her, there is no reason to be jealous. Don't confuse your sexual arousal with jealousy. As my wife says, its just sex.

[SpyStrip]

Originally Posted by LBnJB

I don't agree that retroactive jealousy is inevitable. My wife is a few years younger than me, but when we got married she was way more experienced. She was very upfront with me from the start she liked sex, and had a lot of different partners. She was 19 when she lost her virginity, and 23 when we met. She told me that she doesn't know the total number, but estimates she had sex with more than 60 men before me. That doesn't include the odd blowjob/handjob when she was on her period. She has always been able to separate emotions from sex, which may be the reason I have never been jealous. Plus, she has never given me a reason to not trust her. I have always enjoyed listening to her tell me about her different encounters. Some are hot and sexy, some are sad and funny. In the end, you should only be jealous if she gives you cause. Does she want other men? Repeat encounters with previous men? Is that why you are afraid? If you trust her, there is no reason to be jealous. Don't confuse your sexual arousal with jealousy. As my wife says, its just sex.

I agree with everything you wrote and in my case my wife's friend told her my wife estimated it to be over 30 guys. She never told me but told her friend, and her friend told me.

It's completely normal, IMO. Also, if I understand a lot of women, sometimes sex has emotion and sometimes it doesn't. 80% of the time they can classify it correctly. Almost all problems, IMO, are caused by an emotional mistake, not a sexual one.

But I enjoyed reading LBnJB's mature contribution to this.

I have my own views on whether I ever want my wife to tell me about a past sexual experience.

[ukgoldfish]

I was lucky enough to bump into one of my wife's former boyfriends a couple of weekends ago. Beth and I were at a charity dinner and he was there with his wife. It was extremely horny for me to see them chatting away so happily and also to catch him checking her out in her sexy cocktail dress at other times during the evening.

I'm hoping that he enjoyed the memories of seeing Beth naked and enjoying her body. They dated when she was early 20's so the perfect combination of body in great shape, a lovely tight pussy and enough confidence and experience to really enjoy sex. They had a weeks holiday together where, i know from Beth, they had a lot of sex and he initiated her into the joys of anal.

Beth definitely enjoyed seeing him again and she got the balance right of being flirty with him without doing anything that would upset me or, more importantly his wife.

When we got home Beth was very happy to talk more about her time with him and i helped by stroking her pussy while she told me

Why would anyone be jealous about a situation like that?

[postnit4u]

Originally Posted by Stokecpl

I hope women don't turn to ice after marriage, I get married next month.
My GF has told me what she's done, but not who with, and who she's done, but not what they did - that's her being discreet and respecting her exes privacy without hiding anything.
We've tried everything she's done in the past except for the emotionally risky stuff thst she would only do with someone casual.
As a typical contrary man, what I can't have is what turns me on despite agreeing with the wisdom of what she says!

I've been married for close to 30 years. I could care less about what my wife had done before. I have no need to be jealous if she was honest about it. I have only gotten jealous or angry over her past when I have found out she hasn't been honest and that was few and far between and that wan't because of what she had done it was because if she couldn't trust me about it, then it was something that would effect our level of emotional intimacy. We have gone place many couples wouldn't dare to go, so why hold anything back?

[SixPointFive]

Originally Posted by ulsafiu

I want to start by saying that I love asking my girlfriends about their sexual past. It really turns me on. I find exciting to imagine them doing dirty things with their former partners and I often masturbate thinking about it.

However, when you develop a romantic love for someone; retroactive jealousy is unavoidable.

Just to be clear; personally, it's not a big deal. I still love to listen to her stories and I notice how the relationship strengthens every time we do it. But, from time to time, weird thoughts come to my mind. They go away fast, but they do come and that's not very pleasant.

So, my question to all of you (whom I consider to be wiser than me in those regards) is... how do you deal with retroactive jealousy? What can someone (not precisely me but someone who might be really struggling) get over the fact that his GF/Wife had sexual experiences with other men?

I will start:

• A relationship must be based on trust and when the loved one trusts you with that information; the relationship strengthens significantly.

• As Sun Tzu said: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”. Basically, if you know how their former lovers pleased her; you can easily top that.

• She had all the right to enjoy her sex life before being with you; in the same way that you did it. She enjoyed and was enjoyed. And that's fine.


What is your piece of advice?

Live for today and tomorrow, yesterday has gone. What happened in someone's past, before they met their current partner is as relevant as what they had for lunch yesterday.

In my own case, I love my wife to tell me about what she has done with whom. I try to press her for details but she normally claims to not remember.....but loves watching me get hard when she tells a story.

In turn, she asks me about me own experiences and knowing that I have a photographic memory she asks for (and gets) all the details

[rabbit07]

If you want to be the man, you gotta be the man. What I mean by that is make sure you're the best she ever had. Do what it fucking takes, no matter what it takes, and watch your problems fade away.

I took my wife to her HS reunion last summer. Ugh. But I encouraged her and made sure she had her hair done and colored and paid the bill. I encouraged her and went to the mall with her and made sure she had a new outfit and paid the bill. I ordered up some new lingerie and shoes for her. She looked amazing.

Before the gathering, in the hotel room, as we were about to go downstairs, I pulled her little skirt up and I ate her pussy, to orgasm, twice. At this point, she wanted the D and she wanted it bad. So I pulled it out, and mounted her, and whispered in her ear, "You are the hottest woman I've ever seen in my whole fucking life. And I'll give you this hard fucking cock all night long as soon as your reunion is over."

How much time do you think she spent talking to the meatheads she went to High School with?
Zero. She knows who the Man is.