[ExFiles]

I was a home security salesman a couple years ago. I've had quite a few experiences, this has probably been the most entertaining job I've held. There have been four memorable incidents that crack me up to this day.

1. Unrelated to sex, exhibitionism, or even voyeurism; however, I find it entertaining. My trainer told me to "always eat/drink what the customer offers you, it shows that you're comfortable with them." I've had full meals at peoples' house because I've warranted the rapport to be pressured into having dinner with my customers. Anyway, on one particular night, I was with these old Army vets. We slung jokes at each other quite a bit, me being a prior service Marine. They did the usual break bread routine and gave me some garlic bread. It was a bit, off... but pretty good. I asked what was in it. They said "oh, the usual... plus weed." I thought they were joking until I was on a toll road doing 80 on the way home and it kicked in. Most people would be pissed. But I found it pretty funny, since I didn't get tested.

2. My FIRST job ever with this company. I did a system for a hispanic guy in his mid-30s. I spent about 30 minutes building rapport, didn't even get to tour the house and make my suggestions before he pretty much listed exactly what he wanted. I was getting 500 in commission... so I wasn't going to risk pissing him off (as a D type personality) and lose the sale by pushing more when his mind was already made up. Anyway he makes a phone call and steps outside and I get right to work, keep in mind, I thought he was the only one home. So, I'm crouched down at the hallway's opening into the living room when the master bedroom door opens across the living area. Out comes his wife, gorgeous/fit hispanic woman wearing only a towel on her head - fresh out of the shower. No tanlines. Dark nipples. Perfectly shaved or waxed pussy. She didn't even notice me at first. When she did, she just smiled and said "sorry" without bothering to cover anything. I also apologized and made a gentleman's attempt to avert my eyes - I'd already had my view at this point anyway. She never came back out, lol.

3. Blonde single mom in her early 30s, very attractive. Few inches shorter than me. She just moved into her house, worked as a project manager. She was very trusting, I guess... seeing as I WAS a security guy. Her panel was in the master closet. So I did a lot of my work there re-wiring things to our system. Sex toys, outfits, etc. all in view in the closet. It was a multi-day job. She had me program the locks on the door and told me to remember the code since she would not be there on day two. I know what you're thinking. But I didn't snoop. Personal sense of honor I guess. The woman hired me to protect her security, I was a professional about it. Anyway, on day three... it was a chill day off for her I guess. A whole day of boyshorts underwear and braless perky C-cups visible through her white wifebeater shirt.

4. Finally, the military wife. Her husband was deployed, she was hot and looking to get fucked. It was a quick repair job. Literally an in-and-out. But she delayed me and kept asking me about myself and where I live etc. She was blonde, mid-30s. Walking around in a purple silk (or satin?) robe, nothing under it. Exhibitionist manifest. Bending over to get things. Letting the robe open. Etc. She kept trying to stall, then told me she wished she had money to tip me, followed by "well... is there anything I can do for you?" in a suggestive manner. It was like being in a porn movie. But first and foremost, I was engaged and have never and will never cheat on anyone. Secondly, her husband is a fellow servicemember. I'm no Jody.