[sooty]

I went through much of these problems with my wife before we finally separated after 24 years though it wasn't so much sex problems that caused the separation. I'm not an expert but I can say one thing, generally you should never "ask" for sex but rather assume a yes answer and proceed as though they have already said yes. The reason for this is that you are handing complete power to the other person when you ask a direct question and their answer will be yes or no or perhaps they might accept with a delay (so they are still holding the power). Once they become accustomed to weilding power they will enjoy it and continue the game forever, power is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world.

The other promising thing for you is that it sounds as though your wife is approaching her "midlife crisis" time when many women will do things way out of their norm. The "naughty forties" and "frisky fifties" do happen and I'm not sure of the cause but there seems to be a couple of things happening, the kids have grown and maybe left home so they feel their job as mother whilst not finished is much reduced giving them greater freedom and there is also a change in hormone levels. There are several threads on this site with stories of how women in their 40s and 50s have shocked their husbands by doing things that "were never gonna happen" and sometimes quite a bit more and they make great reading. The common thing on these threads seems to be that the guy has planted a seed of thought e.g. When not having sex to ask her what her wildest fantasies are and then nurturing that idea so that it grows within her. Sometimes they will also respond to a challenge particularly if they think that they are being shown up by another woman, yes jealousy is very real. Best of luck.